A Chance to Love Again
by Tobelieve15
Summary: Jacob left after Nessie was born and never imprinted on her. The Cullens moved shortly after to Portland and lived there until Nessie was 17 yrs old. When they move back, Jacob comes back into the Cullens Lives. Would he get his happily ever after?
1. The unexplainable

I stared at his beautiful green eyes and I whispered the words " I love you " to his ears.

" I love you too" he said hugging me tight around my waist.

" I can't believe my parents, I hate them for making me do this" I said crying in his arms.

He didn't say anything just held me until all the tears subsided. My life was in Portland, Oregon, not in Forks, Washington.

I hated them for taking me away from Jason, the love of my life.

I had feeling I was going to hate at Forks. I was going to hate anywhere where there was no Jason. I was going to miss my friends and my school.

I was going to miss everything and everybody.

I cried in his arms for a while and he just held me there hugging me as tight as he could.

"Renesmee, I am going to miss you "He said kissing my head.

"Me too, if I hated there I running away from there and coming back here" I said with tears in my eyes.

"Please, Honey don't do anything drastic. I don't want you to get in trouble"

"I don't care. I was going to run away already but you stop me" I said remembering that rainy day, when I found about this tragedy.

I ran away to Jason's and he convinced me to go back to my house.

" I care about you honey. Remember this is going to test our relationship, but we could survive this" He said reassuring me.

We kissed a while and we didn't say much. Then I heard this disturbing vibrating noise from my bag. I knew who it was and why they were calling.

"What?" I answered the phone. I knew I sound rude, but I didn't care about manners at this point. Not when my whole life was going to change.

"We are leaving soon, it time for you to come back to the house" My mom said sounding wickedly sweet as always.

"Fine" I said hanging up the phone not even bother with goodbyes

"Lets go honey" He said pulling me to his car. I said good bye to our secret place.

When he drove me home, the car was filled with silence. When we were close to arrive to my house. He stopped the car and said " I love you. Try to have a good time in Forks, for me "

Before I could even say something, he pulled me into a deep kiss. He pulled away and started driving. I looked at him once and I said good-bye. I kissed for a last time; I tried to remember everything about him.

I walked to the house and I felt the car pull away. I felt tears fall from my eyes. My parents were near the entrance.

"Sweetie, its not the end of the world" Mom said as I walked to my room.

"Not to you. Since nothing directly affects you, you don't care. You never care about me, you are so self fish" I said to her bitterly. I regretted the words that just came out of my mouth, but I was not taking them back.

"Renesmee Cullen, you are forbidden to ever talk to your mother or anybody like that again" My father said in a stern voice.

I just shut my door closed. I tried to memorize everything about my beautiful room. Everything was already put into bags and boxes.

I heard a knock on the door. I quickly wipe my tears a way and prevented news ones to form.

I hated when people saw me crying. I thought they were seeing me as "weak".

My mom entered the room and I didn't even paid attention to her.

"Renesmee, I am sorry that you are going through a hard time. We have to go back to Forks, Charlie is sick and needs our help. I know you are going to miss Jason and your friends but this will be good for you." Mom said trying to make me feel better.

I feel bad for mom because her father was sick, but this was a life changing event.

"I feel bad for what I said mom. Things are going to change a lot mom" I said hugging her.

" I know, Sweetie. I promise things are going to be okay" she kissed the top of my fore head.

"I know" I said looking outside the window.

"Lets go the last moving truck has arrived. Is this all of your stuff?" She said looking at my pile of bags and boxes.

"Yes that's it" I said looking around my room for the last time.

Thank-fully my mom and dad are not selling the house, so all of our furniture is still going to remain here.

My dad awaited outside my door, and with less stern voice he said " Are things okay"?

He carefully inspected my mom and I. I guessed my mom shield is up. My mom shield has been up since Jason and I started dating.

I was teenager who deserves privacy to have her own thoughts, without her vampire mind reading father peaking in.

"Yes, things are going to be fine, I guess" I said and my father walked closer and gave me a quick hug.

"Let's go. Get in the car Renesmee, your uncles and I will get your bags" He said and as I walked to the door. My uncles came in and flash a smile towards me. I gave them a half-smile since I was trying to remember every detail of my childhood home.

I got into the car and waited for everything to be loaded in the moving truck. My mom came in and sat in the passenger's seat in the front. We were going to Forks in my dad's Volvo.

The rest of my family was going to their own car.

Thank-god for vampire needs for speed. They made the tedious 5 hour drive to 3 hrs only. I heard my IPod all the way there; I didn't feel like talking much. I was too sad to text Jason. I was going to call him either at night or tomorrow.

"Welcome to Forks" Mom said with a smile on her face, as Dad pulled up to the beautiful glass house.

This house was in private environment, it was in the middle of the forest somewhere.

Everyone had a smile on their face, when they arrived. Too bad, I didn't have one.

It was 2 in the afternoon. With vampire speed and strength, we were settled in by 5 in afternoon.

Within a few minutes in walking distance from the house, was a small beautiful cottage.

I remodeled the room and put everything away. This was my first home, but I was too young to remember.

We moved when I was in physical age of 5 years old, I barely remember this house.

I needed to cry, but I wanted to be strong.

My mom called me from the living room.

"Renesmee we going to visit Charlie, you want to come?" Mom asked as she placed flowers in the vase.

" Sure" I said. I wanted to see around this town, I was willing to give this town a semi-chance.

"Thanks Honey. Get ready, we will go in a few minutes" I went to my room and fixed my hair.

I have not seen my grand-father in 6 years. I wanted to look nice when I saw him. Since there was a big age difference, since last time he saw me.

Last time he saw me I was physically 5, now I am physically 18.

I got in to the back seat, since my mom and dad where in the front seats.

" Renesmee you know you are going to start school Monday right?" My dad said casually.

"Unfortunately" I mumbled.

"Honey, the school is not that bad" She said looking in the rear-view mirror.

"Mom, please. Its half way through the year and I am a new student. Things are going to be bad" I said looking out the window.

"If you have that pessimistic attitude, things are going to be bad. Think positively and things are going to be much better" My father said encouragingly.

"Whatever" I mumbled

A few short minutes later, we arrived to faintly familiar house. We knocked at the door and a nice women answered the door.

"Bella, Edward, it is so nice to see you" She said happily and hugging each of them.

I was right behind them, giving her a strange look.

She gave me a quick look and put her hands over her mouth. "Oh my goodness, Renesmee, you are so beautiful" She said hugging me and I shot a look to my parents.

I hugged her back though I felt strange doing so. She pulled away and said "Honey, you were young when you left, you must not remember me. I am Sue, your grandfather wife" She said pointing at her.

I just nodded and followed my parents inside. We sat in the living room and Charlie was there in recliner chair. Poor Charlie, looked pale and weary.

He is recovering pneumonia.

Sue and Charlie were nice people and they have a nice home. I look very happy together.

I look around and saw pictures of my already young mother. They were telling stories of my parents and when they were going out.

I had a nice time over at their house. I got to my room, I took the phone from desk and saw a couple of miss calls from my parents. I saw one text from Jason, that said " I Love you and miss you". 

I texted back " I love you too, Miss you tons. Good night" as I finish texting, I went to take a shower and went to bed.

Sunday went by quickly, we went to visit Charlie again and this time meet Sue's children. Well they were children, they were young adults. They were both a bit older than me. Their names were Seth and Leah.

Seth was 20 years and Leah was 24 years old. Seth was very kind and friendly but Leah was the opposite. Leah seemed like she has a huge attitude problem.

Unfortunately the most dreaded day came for me. Monday, today I begin the school.

Dad wanted to make things better by letting me have his Volvo but it wasn't. Though I was thankful but they could not buy me off.

As I drove and parked in the school's parking lot, I got dead stares from girls.

Boys kept asking questions about my family and where I came from. They kept on giving me unwanted and unnecessary attention.

I wish I was invisible. Girls were giving fake smiles and whispering to each other. I hated school so bad.

I wish I was back at Portland.

It was the end of the school day and I survived my first day of school, so I thought. This group of girls surrounded me at the end of the hallway.

"You better keep your eyes off our men, you whore" They said putting me against the wall.

"I didn't do anything. You better tell them to leave me alone" I said sternly and pushing them away.

"Please, like anyone would like you, you are not that pretty. You are a bit bulgy and your hair is mess" This blonde hair girl was poking my stomach and trying to pinch it.

"Keep your hands off me and I guess you don't own a mirror right?" I said pushing her hand away from my stomach.

Thankfully a teacher came up the stairs and the stupid cheerleaders moved away. He asked me everything was fine and I said yes. I walked quickly to the car.

I drove angrily to the house. I hated my parents and my family for coming here. Especially, for putting me in this situation without consulting me first, a new place, a new school and new friends.

I angrily parked the car in the garage and slam the door when coming out.

I stomped my feet to the house and saw this old car parked in front of it. I guessed we had visitors.

I opened the front door of the big house and my mom asked me from the living room "How is was your day sweetie" she sounded so happy.

" How do you think things went " I said angrily

I guess she must have noticed the sarcasm in my voice that she didn't answer.

Though I continued and responded the question anyway. " I hate it. I hate it here, I want to go back home. I don't want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere anymore. People here are so ignorant. " I screamed from the entrance. I slammed the bag to the floor and I walked to the kitchen.

"Renesmee, please control your voice, I know I have taught you better than that. We talk about it later but right now please be on your best behavior" my mom said sternly.

I rolled my eyes and opened the fridge to get a soda. I let out a big sigh and walked to the kitchen. My eyes were at the soda since the lid broke, I was trying to open it.

"Renesmee this is my friend Jacob Black" My mom said happily once in the living room. I put the soda to the side and looked at him.

I reached over to shake his hand and I looked up. I was surprised

I was surprised by such beauty, such honesty in his eyes. I felt this feeling that I never felt before. This feeling that was unexplainable. I haven't felt that way towards nobody, not even Jason.

I was scared to feel this way.


	2. Mixed Emotions

I was terrified to feel this way, he was just a stranger. What was wrong with me?

He is beautiful and has a beautiful smile to go along with it. I stared at him as he said my name "Renesmee".

I loved the way he said it, saying every syllable it had. I could not help but smile. The anger that I had earlier was nonexistent.

Suddenly, I remember Jason, all the memories we had together, and I took big steps back and dared to look away from such beauty in front of me.

I couldn't believe myself I am mentally cheating on Jason.

I looked at my mom's face of confusion and I said "nice to meet you".

"Same here" he said never loosing that killer smile.

My mom still stared at me in confusion and looked at Jacob. Jacob could not stop staring at me. I could not glue my eyes off of him either. I was so attracted to this guy. Then Jason came to my mind again.

I told myself over and over again Jason is the love of your life. Jason is the love of your life. Jason is the love of your life.

I had to make myself stop feeling this way towards this stranger. I need to think alone.

"I have to go, excuse me" I said running to the music room, which was near the living room.

I heard my mom say "Excuse her behavior, she been acting weird since the move".

Jacob said "It Is understandable but …" my phone rang and I ran to my bag to get it.

I felt like a fool since it was at the entrance where I angrily threw my bag to the floor. Once I got to my bag, the phone stopped ringing.

"Renesmee honey, who is it?" She said from the living room.

"Jason" I yelled from the entrance. "I am going outside to talk on the phone, I will be back" I yelled while slamming the door.

I hit the redialed button quickly and walked into to the forest. Thankfully he picked up after the 2 ring.

"Hey Honey" he said happily  
"Hey" I said trying to sound happy

"How was the first day of school? " He said if it was a great thing. If he only knew, how horrible things went.

"It was fine, people were very welcoming" I lied. I knew I shouldn't lie to Jason but I didn't want him to worry about me.

"Sweetie, you didn't say that in a happy way" He said suspiciously.

"I just wish I wasn't here" I said. As soon as I said that a voice inside my head said if you weren't here you wouldn't have met Jacob.

"I wish you were here, Nessie" He said sweetly.

"Me too" I said in whispers

"Beth and Kathy say hi and that they miss you tons"

"Say hi to them for me too. I miss all of you" I said walking.

"We miss you too. Nothing is the same anymore" He said sadly.

"I love you" He said but I couldn't force those words out aloud. What's wrong with me?

"Me too" I said in whispers.

"Honey, I am so sorry you going to hate me but I have to go, my phone is dying" I said sadly. I freaking forgot to charge it last night.

"Its fine Renesmee Take care honey" He said sweetly

"Bye" I said

I kept walking around the forest confused of how I felt. I felt confused for being in Forks. If I was in Portland, this would have never occurred to me.

I walked around and around, that I hardly noticed how time flew by. Sunset occurs about 30 minutes ago and I was still walking around helpless around the forest.

It was not until 20 minutes later I actually admitted that I was lost in the dark cold forest. I tried to follow my scent back but I have to admit that my scent was not that developed as the rest of my vampire family.

I was terrified why didn't anyone come in find me yet? They probably didn't even notice I was gone. I was mad that I forgot to charge my phone. What use is to have a phone if it's not charge when you need it the most?"

I sat by a tree and hugged my legs. I was terrified and freezing. I didn't notice how terrified I was until I started to cry.

I started to sob and I hugged my knees tightly. After a few minutes of sobbing, I heard a growl. I quickly got up on my feet, alarmed. It was too dark for me to even see the animal. I realized I started whimpering and breathing hard.

I heard even a louder growl and I started running. I heard quick runs of this animal and I took everything I could to start running. I felt scrapes and cuts on my arms, but I couldn't stop to check it. The animal started growling and howling even faster. I heard branches break as the animal started to come in closer, scratch that ran closer to me.

I ran a bit more and I fell to the ground when I tripped. What is the point of being a vampire if does not come in handy in times like this?

The animal was big from the growl. It was like a huge animal, huge angry animal. It was furry from what I could make out from the darkness. I came in to realization that it was angry as in growl furiously at me.

I whimpered and hyperventilating for my life as I flipped over to face it. It a wolf, a huge wolf as matter of fact, could wolves even be so big?

I could hardly breathe anymore, I was scared to death. I felt the animal smell me all around. This was the worst torture of my life, since I knew at any time the abnormal wolf could attack me.

I was dizzy and faint of this torture. I felt like I was the wolf's prey and suddenly it started to growl and growl furiously. Then I felt its huge paw run across my stomach. I whimpered in pain.

I felt my warm blood in my hands and pain was horrible. It was burning and I felt the wolf go in attack position and I guessed this was my final moments. I heard another growl from another wolf coming from another direction, north of me.

This was my final moment; I couldn't even try to run. The pain wouldn't have let and I was surrounded by this abnormal animals.

I whimpered and turned over to my side as I held my tummy. I felt the north wolf approach me closer and painfully slow. If I was going to die, I wanted to die already.

Then a couple of meters away, the wolf picked up its pace and I closed my eyes, thinking my final second has come. The south wolf scratch my leg and it sting so badly.

The wolf was growling angrily and howling. I saw him go into growl position and I closed my eyes to the pain to come.

Then I heard a whimpered this time it was not from me but from the south wolf. The north wolf seemed to be fighting the south wolf. It was angry and they both ran south. I laid there for 2 minutes, until I tried to get up, but I couldn't I was in too much pain.

I started to try to crawl and push myself with my hand as support so I can get away from the scene. "Nessie" I heard my name and I thought I was in heaven. Then I heard it again "Nessie", I realized I was not heaven.

I didn't know if I should respond the voice was not familiar. "Nessie!!!" It was male voice.  
"Renesmee!!" It yelled again.

"I am here" I yelled the best I could but it still was weak. "Nessie?" it yelled.

"Here!" I said weakly and I couldn't take anymore. I was terrified, cold, and in so much pain. The overwhelming sense of fear overcame me. The Hyperventilation started again but it was increasing.

I could not breathe anymore, I was terrified. I felt this pain in my heart as well. I thought I was having a heart attack.

"Nessie" the voice was getting closer.

My lack of breathing did not permit me to yell anymore. I was definitely dying. "Nessie" It said so close to me.

"Nessie" it said in surprise when the voice found me. I looked up and it was an angel. It was Jacob.

"Nessie, you are going to be fine, I promise you" He said lifting me up and hugging me in his arms. He was so warm.

"Calm down sweetie, I am here, I won't let anything happen to you" He shushed me and smoothed my hair.

My breathing started to regulate little by little. I started to cry. He held me tighter and dried my tears.

"Don't cry. I promise you will be fine" He said whispering to my ears.

The pain in my heart fainted away, and my breathing regulated a bit.

"Nessie, I am going to take you home" He said carrying me in his arms, his warm arms. I barely could be fully conscious anymore. I was sort of drifting away and my eyes felt heavy. I closed my eyes but I could hear everything that was going on.

His sweet smell was like drug to me. It made me drowsy and feel whole

"She needs a doctor" I heard him yell in between my dreams.

"Oh my goodness, what happen to her?" It was Alice voice. "Charslie!!!" I heard her yell.

"Get her to her room now" he yelled

I was sat down in my bed and I whimpered as I felt myself be away from Jacobs's arms.

I felt grandpa's cold hands lift my shirt up and I opened my eyes.

"It hurts" I said weakly. "Bad" I added.

"I know honey, I know, we are going to clean the wounds and you could rest" he reassured me.

"Please" I added weakly and I looked over at Jacob, he looked horrible. He seemed hurt and guilty.

He caught me looking at him and I said "Thank-you".

He came closer to me and touched my forehead.

"You have nothing to thank me about" He held my Grandpa cleaned my wound. It sting so bad, I held Jacob hand the whole entire time.

"Honey, your parents are your Grandpa Charlie, they don't know what happen though" Grandpa said getting up.

"I must have known" I said as I winced in pain.

"I guess you would have to explain to them Jacob" Grandpa looked at Jacob like if there was a secret between them.

"Jacob why would you have to explain what happened to my parents?" I looked at him suspiciously. It happen with the wolves was not his fault. He was not even there or was he?

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Hi! I hope you like this chapter because I enjoyed writting this a lot. Please Please Please Review.. Your input means a lot to me and it would be helpful for me as well. Your input could help me improve on the chapters. Thank-you for reading !!!


	3. Cullens Have No Fury

**Hey! Thanks for reviewing and putting this story under your favorites, that means a lot to me. Well, this next chapter was hard to write, I actually rewrote this chapter a couple of times before actually posting. I hope you like it. I was wondering if you would like this story to be both Renesmee and Jacob point of view of things or Just Renesmee? I would do what ever you like so please review to let me know. This chapter does not have a lot of Jacob but I promise the next chapter will. I hope you like it and please review to let know what you think. **

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"Ness, I would explain it to you later…promise" he said roughly and kissed my forehead.

I saw a wave of guilt in his eyes; he barley could maintain eye contact. I wonder why? Did I do anything wrong?

Aunt Alice knocked on the door and I saw clothing in her hands. She seemed furious. This the first time Aunt Alice looked mad while holding clothes in her hand.

"Renesmee, I am here to help you change," she said angrily. Though she was speaking to me, she never broke eye contact with Jacob.

What did Jacob do wrong?

"I am going to leave. I will be back here tomorrow" he squeezes my hand, his personal goodbye. He quickly ran out the room.

"Okay" I said softly. Aunt Alice did not even bother saying good-bye to him. She never been rude anyone before, she was always so happy. Her eyes could have been blazing red for all the fury I saw in her eyes.

Cullen's have no Fury. Cullen's are known to be passive even if they are vampires. Though I attend to be a bit of aggressive side sometimes.

Alice helped me pull myself off from the bed. She held me in place while I pulled off my shirt. I noticed my hands were all muddy and dirty.

"I have to take a shower," I said looking at her.

"Charlisle said you cant until a couple of days from now. The bandages could get wet," She said while handing me the big black short-sleeve t-shirt.

The shirt fell below my hips and she hand me some pink plaid shorts. These shorts were too small, they barley covered my thighs.

She must have known what I was thinking because she said" They are short, so they wont bother the cuts on your legs"

I looked down and there were cuts that ran across my legs. They were light red and bruised.

I pulled down my jeans and I was in pain. I couldn't do anything that would involve me to move my stomach.

I laid down after I put on my pjs and I turned on the tv with the remote. Aunt Alice left the room slamming the door.

I was freezing these pjs barley covered my body. I couldn't cover myself up with the comforter because it would sting.

I replayed the events in my head, again and again. I felt tears form in my eyes and I told myself repeatedly to stop being such a baby.

Though I would never admit to anyone, I was terrified. Me, Renesmee Carlie Cullen, was scared. I was scared to even set foot outside this house.

The wolf was still out there. It could hurt other people. It could even kill other people. If it wasn't because I was half vampire I would have been dead.

I almost died.

"Renesmee' I heard my mother shrieked and I felt her run to the room.

"What happen to you?" My mom gasped as she approached my bed. She covered her mouth with her hand.

Though I would have cried and told her how much pain I was in. I would have like to tell her how terrified I was. I couldn't.

"I am fine. It was just wolves" I said like if it was nothing. Though I was crying like a baby inside.

As I said that my mom and dad glared at each other. My dad growled and clenches his teeth down, like if he was going to go on a hunt.

He ran out my room at the speed of light and I heard people outside yell after him. My mom yelled after him and ran after him.

Someone owed some explanation. I clenched my hands into a fist and struggled but succeed to get off this stupid bed.

I was going to demand Aunt Alice to tell me the truth. Though it took me forever to even get to the hallway, I never gave up.

I smelled some of my family members in my living room but not all of them. Jasper, Emmett, and Charlise were missing, gone. Did they go after my father? Why did my dad get so furious? Where did my dad go?

I barley was able to walk; I took baby steps so I get across the corridor. I stop not even midway to the end of the corridor when I heard distant angry voices. They were sitting in the living room.

How I wished I had full vampire hearing today?

"She has the right to know Alice, he will hurt her, stupid mutt" Aunt Rose snarled.

"Bella and Edward have to decide Rose, they are her parents" Aunt Alice said

"Please, they never do what is right for her anyway. Have you seen how upset she been since we moved here?" Aunt Rose scoffed.

"Rose it none of your business, stay out of it. Bella and Edward have to decide, if they want to tell her the truth. They are her parents, not you." Alice yelled at her.

"Alice you and I know perfectly, that I would do anything to protect Renesmee. She likes the daughter I never had. Edward would have killed her if it weren't for me protecting her. She was just an in innocent fetus but Edward just saw her saw as a monster.]. If it wasn't for me there would have been no Renesmee" Aunt Rose yelled at her.

I just stood there frozen. I was an unwanted child. I knew I was never wanted by anybody.

My parents never cared for me. Never. If it wasn't for Aunt Rose, I would have been good as dead.

They were forced to have me. Now they had pretended to care for me. My parents were just full of shit.

I tried to run but I could walk to my room. I closed the door as lightly possible.]. I was sobbing and I covered my eyes with my hands.

I didn't want them to know I knew of their web of lies. They were forced to love me, take care of me, and protect me.

"Renesmee, Honey is you sleeping?" Aunt Rose knocked lightly in my door. I quickly lay down and said, "No, I am awake".

I quickly dried my eyes. I am one the unhappiest person in the world. My heart was bleeding, of the pain I was in.

"Renesmee, honey, are you okay" She said sweetly and sat on the bed. I looked at her. She was my guardian angel.

I quickly leaned over to hug her. I whimpered in pain. It felt like my intestines were on fire.

She hugged me back tightly against her cold body. She was ice. It felt good. The ice helped with the stinging and burning sensation.

"I love you Aunt Rose," I whispered in her ears.

"I love you Renesmee. I was so glad you are safe," she said in whispers. I knew she was being honest. The only person who truly loved me. The only person who wanted was best for me. The only person who I could trust.

I cried on her shoulder. "Renesmee, I never seen like this. Are you sure you are okay sweetie"? She said pulling me off her shoulder to see my eyes.

"I guess it was just from what happen earlier. I am fine though Aunt Rose" I lied.

"You feel better once you sleep honey" She said pushing me back so I could laid down.

I turned over to the my side and sang me song. My dreams were of monsters and evil. They all wanted me killed. I yelled as I tried to run away from them but I couldn't move.

"Renesmee wake up wake up" I heard a voice and I forced my eyes open.

I woke up into a sitting position and I was panting. My stomach didn't hurt as much, I lifted my shirt up and the stretches were hardly there.

Vampire skin.

Though the wounds in my heart were not even near to get better. I thought over and over of what happen and what I heard from Aunt Rose.

My parents didn't love me. Everyone hated me at first. I suddenly didn't feel like I belong in this world. I didn't know who I was.

Though sometimes I knew I wasn't fair to my parents, even rude. I still loved them. I thought they loved me back but I was wrong. They didn't love me.

No wonder they made me come here in the middle of nowhere though they knew I was unhappy. They never cared about me, they only cared about themselves and what made them happy.

Two weeks past, I felt myself getting depressed by the second. I didn't know who I was. I felt lost in world that I was suppose to not be in. Lets better say not wanted in.

Bella and Edward would occasionally come here and visit me but I wouldn't want to talk to them. I would stare to the side and not say a word. Charlisle came to visit me to get me to eat or go outside but I didn't want to.

My constant pain, I am a lost soul.

Jason would call me and I would occasionally answer the phone and tried to act happy. Everything in my family was just an act. How could they do this to me? Or how could I do it to them?

Jacob would try to visit me too but I couldn't see him. I was a mess, emotionally and physically. I wish I could hide away in a corner somewhere in the world where they couldn't find me. I wish I could forget everything that I heard Aunt Rose say.

"Renesmee" I heard Grandpa Charlisle say softly while touching my forehead. I was in deep state of thought that I didn't even notice he came in.

I looked at him, so he could know I was aware of his presence. "Sweetie, whats wrong? Tell me I could help you," He said in a tone of comfort and leaned in to hug me.

I just nodded my head away and I stared towards the floor. "Renesmee, is it from what happen with the wolves? I promise that you wont get hurt again. Is it you miss Jason and Portland?" He said with a sad smile.

I decide to nod to that idea. They couldn't know I knew about my parents true feelings towards better and me say my family. Why was aunt Rose the only one protecting me? It must have been because they all wanted me dead as well.

"Renesmee, you can't stay here in your room for the rest of eternity because you miss your boyfriend. Honey, life continues and it's actually a beautiful day outside. We could go hunting or do something fun," He said fixing my hair.

I looked at him and tears started swelling in my eyes. "Honey, don't cry" He said hugging me. How could I believe him? How could I believe my family? How could I trust them? I couldn't trust anyone anymore.

My so call father came in and saw me crying on Charlisle. "Renesmee, whats wrong?" He yelled at me. Charlise looked at him and said "Son, calm down".

"Renesmee, you can't continue like this, you are going out somewhere but you won't stay here any longer," He yelled at me.

I just looked at him and turned over in a fetus position. "No more of that Renesmee" He said and picked me up and walked me towards the living room.

"Put me down" I screamed and bang him on the shoulder.

"Edward, don't do anything rash" Charlisle ran behind us. "Edward, please don't hurt Renesmee," My so call mother said.

He put me down He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the kitchen. He held my arm in one hand and he reached something for the refrigerator.

"Here, Eat this" He said as he pulled out bread.

"No, I am not hungry" I said bitterly.

"You haven't eaten in 2 weeks," He said angrily.

"I don't care, I am not hungry" I said angrily as well and yelled. I folded my arms as sign of my determination.

"I don't care, what you want or don't want. You going to sit down and eat right now this instant" He said pulling me by my arms and sat me down forcibly to the chair.

He opened up my mouth, in one hand and stuffed my mouth with bread. I tried to push him away and kick him but couldn't. He was hurting me so badly. We both battled with each other that my fell from my chair and bang my head against the corner of the kitchen table.

Uncle Emmett and Jasper came into the kitchen. Uncle Emmett held dad by his arms. I just held my head because I felt everything spinning.

"Edward, what have you done?" My mom said gasping covering her mouth. She was in the floor beside me in seconds.

She tried to look at the wound in my head and I said "No stay away", I got up and I tried walking but I couldn't I felt everything turn black.

When I woke up again I was in my room. I saw Edward there waiting in a chair beside my bed. He reached his hand up and I gasped as I thought he was going to hit me.  
His face looked dead. He seemed hurt. I felt bad for the way I was acting but then I remember what Aunt Rose said and I just looked away.

"I am so sorry Renesmee," He said touching me softly in my head.

"Okay" I said because I wanted him to leave my room.

"Okay?" He said as sign of confusion.

"Yes, I would live this room if you want to. Live in this stupid town if you want to. But, if you expect me to ever be happy. You are so wrong" I said bitterly.

"Renesmee about what happen in the kitchen" He said and I cut him off.

"Its forgotten" I said quickly.

"Renesmee, but you don't understand what happen?" He said

"I don't care what happen, that still does not change of what happen," I said icily.

"I know Renesmee, but I wish I could take back what I did. I just lost it there for a second" He said.

"Fine" I said

"Fine?" He said

"I don't know what else you want from me. I guess I wont forget things that quickly. Sorry, but I am hurt from what you did" I said honestly.

"Its fine" He said kissing my forehead and leaving my room. I slept for a while more and I noticed it was morning 630 in the morning.

I did promise to leave this room. I got up and got dress to got school. After all it was Tuesday.

I took a shower and I tried to look if nothing was wrong with me. I was trying to let numbness take over me. I didn't want to feel anymore.

"Renesmee" My mom said with a smile. "I am so glad to see you up and out of your room," she said in the kitchen table.

"Renesmee, I am glad to see you this morning," He said as he leaned in to kiss me in the forehead.

"I need a doctor's note so the teachers could excuse my absence" I said as I went to the kitchen so grab some orange juice.

"I would call your Grandfather so he could make one up for you" my mom said as she got the phone.

I got a banana. "Renesmee thank-you for keeping your promise honey" Edward said.

"Sure" I said like if it was nothing. I was angry but I figure life did continue. I couldn't be stuck in this house with them, so might well go to school.

I walk out to the main house garage. I haven't been in Volvo for so long. I turned on the car so the car could get warmed up. I said hello to everyone and I got the doctor note from Grandpa.  
I

Drove myself to school. I hated that school. People were staring me again. I showed the first period teacher the doctor note and I sat down in my seat. By the fourth period I couldn't take any longer.

I couldn't take the gossip the girls were saying about me. The boys staring at me if I was piece of meat, so I ditched school.

I couldn't take been there for much longer. I hated that school. I don't know how my parents would be feel about home schooling?

I drove around the small town of Forks; there was nothing to do in this stupid town. I stopped when I saw a bookstore. I always love to read. Might as well buy some books to read.

I brought 5 new books to read. I felt secretly happy. I love to read; I guess I got them from my mother.

"Nessie" said a husky sweet voice as I walked to the car. I look over and I soon as I saw him an instant smile came on my face.


	4. Home

Hey guys!!!!! I am sorry it took me so long to put this chapter up. I hope you like this chapter, it has more of Jacob and Renesmee. This chapter is important you get the idea where Edward's overreaction came from. You get to see into Nessie's life before moving to forks. Her life is sort of dark. The reason why I made her be such a dark character is because she grew up without Jacob. Jacob is suppose to this light who takes her out of the darkness. I hope you like it though. Review to let me know what you think. PLEASE REVIEW. REVIEWS Make me happy. The more review I have the more I am encourage to write. SO please review with cherries on top. Thank-you for reading....

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He came closer to me and I couldn't help but smile. "Jacob" I said softly. I tried to memorize every feature on his beautiful Carmel skin. His beautiful silky black cropped hair.

"Nessie, I haven't seen you in such a long time" He said pulling me into a warm embrace. Being in his arms felt wonderful, it felt like I belong there, home.

"I know I haven't been well lately" I said honestly and I pulled away from him. I never miss anyone like I missed him.

"What are you doing here?" I said looking at him and I couldn't help but chuckle at the face that he became nervous.

"I should be asking you that. Aren't you supposed to be in school?" he said curiously and arched an eyebrow towards me.

I got nervous because I was supposed to be in school. But I couldn't be in that stupid school, where people hated me.

"You said it, suppose to be" I said looking down nervously. "What's wrong honey?" he said stroking my cheek. I looked up at him; I felt that I loved him. Why did I love this stranger? I didn't even know him but I knew that I would die if I couldn't be near him. "Whats wrong with me?"

I felt my heartbeat pick up every time that he touch me. "Nothing, just being the new kid sucks" I said truthfully. As I remember what I found out about my parents. My parents hate me and were forced to love me.

"Things could get better Ness, is that the reason why you ditched school?" He asked curiously. I looked up at his beautiful dark brown eyes and I saw a wave of concern in his eyes.

"Yes" I said. Then I came into realization that I hated my life at the moment. I hate the school. I hate being with liars I have as parents. I felt lonely and lost. I was just overwhelmed with negative feelings.

I felt tears become present in my eyes and I quickly looked away. I hate when people see me crying. I don't want to be them to consider me as a weak.

I pulled away and looked away. "I have to go Jacob" I said wiping the tears away. "Renesmee you can trust me, I am good listener" He said with a sweet voice.

I looked up and I knew he was sincere. Though I wanted to trust him, but I couldn't. I don't trust people easily. I barely knew him. The only thing I knew about him is his name and that he was my mom's childhood best friend.

Other than that there was nothing. How could I trust someone I barley know? "Jacob, I know you are sincere but I barley know you" I said honestly.

"I know its me being complicated but I have hard time trusting people" I said truthfully.

"I hope you don't get offend" I said touching his cheek.

"No, Its understandable Ness, we barely know each other. Though I like the chance to know you so how about it do you want to go eat lunch somewhere" He said with a smile on his face.

If he would always smile like that I couldn't deny him anything. I just nodded my head. "I would like that" I said with a goofy grin in my face.

"Well, where do you want to go eat?" he said with a grin on his face too

"I don't mind, anywhere is fine by me" I said shrugging my shoulder.

"Well there is a diner up the road, we could go there" he suggested. I just nodded and I put the books I brought in the car. We walked to the diner.

"What would you like to eat?" said the waitress looking at Jacob. I couldn't help but to feel jealousy because of the way the waitress was eyeing him.

I knew I was being irrational. Jacob and I were barley friends and I was being jealous. I was never the jealous type. I never got Jealous with Jason.

Jacob orders his food and then the waitress asked me what I wanted to eat with less enthusiasm. "Just a chicken salad for me" I said

"That's all?" He asked me

I looked at him and he looked at me curiously. "That's all?" I repeated his words. I didn't know what he was referring to when he said that.

"Just a salad? I thought you would have some junk food honestly. Isn't that what teenagers into these days. " He rephrased himself. As he said that it reminded me of when I was 14. I called that my dark days.

I hid my hand as I knew that the evidence of my self-destructive behavior hid in the knuckles of my hand. I put the hand that was in the table and placed in my lap.

I shivered as I remember those dark days. I felt those negative feelings coming again. "Are you fine?" He said worried.

"Yeah, I just remembered something" I said.

"So where do you live in this beautiful town?" I said sarcastically. I wanted to change the topic because I did not want to remember about my dark days. Especially not talk about them.

"I live a couple of miles from here. It's a reservation called La Push" He said smiling.

"Interesting, what are you doing here?" I said curiously.

"I own an Auto Shop up the road from here" He said.

"That's cool" I said playing with my napkin and taking a sip of my water.

"Yeah, about you Nessie, what are you interested in?" He said changing the topic.

"I don't know."I said truthfully. I was not interested in much in Portland. The only one thing I was ever I interested in was Dance but that was in the past"

"You don't know?" He said looking at me weirdly.

"Yeah, I am not interested in many things. I don't like art or music" I said truthfully.

"You don't?" He said surprised.

"No"

"I figured you would since Edward is piano obsessed person" He said jokingly. I noticed a ray of sun hit his beautiful face. He seemed like a angel coming down from heaven.

"Well, my father talent in the piano made interested in dancing. Ballet mostly" I said absent mindly. As I took a sip of water.

"You dance?" he said surprisingly.

"Yes, use to, but not anymore" I said as I remember the love I had for dance. It hurt me not to be able to dance anymore. I haven't realized how much I have missed it.

"why not?" He said. Then I knew I couldn't talk about it anymore.

"Its a long story" I said with broken voice. I felt tears come swell in my eyes again.

"We have time" He said eagerly.

"Jacob how about another time?" I suggested so I couldn't be rude to him. This was the time were I usually went off angry and rude. I tried to be much nicer to Jacob.

"Sure, I am just happy there is going to be another time?" He said with a smile and I couldn't help but smile as well. His happiness was so contagious.

"Yeah" I said with a goofy grin in my face.

"How old are you Renesmee?" He asked me curiously. I hesitated because I didn't know if he knew about vampires and the mystical world I am apart of.

"UMMMM" I said not knowing what to answer. I felt my heartbeat pick up because of my nerves.

"Don't worry Ness, I know about your family" He said quietly.

"Reality I am 7 but I look like a 17 year old" I said shly.

"How old are you?"I asked after i told him my age.

"23" He said blushing.

The lady came with our food and we kept on talking about our hobbies. "So you hate it here?" he brought it up again.

"Yeah, totally people are so stupid" I said with a hint of anger.

"Stupid?" He asked

"Yes, well people pick on me. Girls do, which I have no idea why because I haven't done anything to them" I said innocently.

"Well, I think I might have an idea why" he said chuckling.

"Oh please do share with me" I said curiously, as I stare at him.

"You are beautiful" He started and I immediately started blushing. "Girls feel intimidated by you. Can I ask you something?" He said seriously.

"Ask away" I said with my tomato red face. "Have you seen boys stared at you? Have they tried to talk to you?" He said seriously looking at my eyes all the time.

"Yes" I said shyly. He was right. "though I don't want their attention. I don't want nobody attention. I wish I could be invisible and go to school" I said sadly.

"Do you parents know how much you hate it ?" He asked. He was acted like if my parents even cared about me.

"No, of course not. They wouldn't care anyway Jacob." I said sadly with a hint of anger.

"Why do you say that?" He asked as he finish the last of his fries. I was eating the lettuce and chicken, I still had a couple of bits left.

"It docent even matter why. I just know." I said looking out the window.

"what happen to your forehead?" He asked me as I noticed that my side bangs barley cover the bruise I had from yesterday. It was evidence of my father's crazy eposide.

"I fell" I said closing my eyes. As I remember my dad shoving the bread in my mouth and us battling with each other.

"You are half-vampire you have good balance" He stated as he knew I was lying to him.

"Jacob" I said as I saw him trembled from apparent anger he had. "Whats wrong?" I asked him covering my bruise with my bangs.

"What happen Ness?" He asked again as he breathed in and out so he can calmed down. "My dad overreacted yesterday and I hit my head aganist the table" I explained...

"I am sorry what happen?" He asked.

"He just lost it Jacob. Its fine. Honest" I told him placing my hand over his hand. As I did that his hand got underneath mine and placed one top of mine. His hands intertwined with mine as he stared at me.

I felt the heart increase its heartbeat as he did that. Soon after that the waitress came to gives us the check. I pulled out my wallet, so I can pay my share of the bill. When Jacob saw that he looked at me seriously and said "Dont even think about it".

I knew not to question or even fight with him so I just said "Thanks"

I got up and we headed towards the car "So where are you going now?? you still have three hours more to kill? He asked casually.

"Well, I dont know.. I guess drive around?" I said questioning what I was going to do.

"I was wondering if you want to come with me to the auto shop?" He asked and I just nodded my head. I said "Lead the way"

We walked around 5 minutes as we entered an auto shop called "Black Auto Shop". I saw someone familiar and I noticed it was Seth.I haven't seen him in a while. Seth smiled and waved at me. I walked up to him and gave him a hug.

He was a very nice and friendly guy. "Hey Nessie, How you been?"

"Okay and you?"I said as he patted my hair. "Good, Good, How come you graced us with your presence?" He said jokingly.

"She is cutting school and needs a place to hide" Jacob said in a serious but trying to joke his way through his seriousness.

"So you are a bad ass?" Seth said looking at me. "No, I am an angel " I said trying to joke.

Seth and Jacob just laugh. "Well, I have to go back to work" Seth said and I said " Talk to you later"

I followed Jacob towards his office. "Oh, this is cool. It is a nice office you have here" I said trying to cut the wave of silence that overcame us.

"Thanks" He said as he sat down in his chair behind the desk and I sat in this long comfy couch.

"Make yourself comfortable" He said as he looked in the computer, I pulled my bag to my lap and read a book that I brought in the store.

I fell asleep no matter in a minute. I felt something move me slightly but I did not bother opening my eyes. I entered a deep state of sleep.

"Nessie wake up honey?" I heard a sweet angel voice call for me in my dreams. "uhh" I said sleepily... "Nessie is around four o'clock your parents have been calling your cell none stop"

As soon as I heard that I jumped from the couch into Jacobs arms. "Oh my lord I have to go" I said as I reached for my bag.

"Nessie I would drive you, you are too sleepy to drive" He said and I just nodded as I got my bag and headed towards my car.

I went to the passenger seat and I looked in the mirror. I was wreck my hair looked like a birds nest. I fixed my hair pulling it to a bun and fixed the smudge make-up.

As soon as he parked the car, I said thank you and jumped out of the car. I ran towards the house and I felt him run after me. "Nessie, there you are" MY grandma Esme pulled me into stone cold embrace.

I was freezing, I need to be in Jacob's arms to be warm again. What am I thinking? I felt grandma hug Jacob and I walk to the living room.

"What are you doing here" I said as I dropped my bag in surprise. I felt my breathes become heavier and heavier. "That is a nice way to say hi to me. I haven't seen in so long" Jason said walking over to hug me. I let him hug me but I did not know how to react. I felt his lips kiss mine but I pulled away in a matter of a second.

I did not want him kissing me. "What is wrong with me"?

I was too confused. Did I like Jacob or Jason? what was I feeling towards Jacob? Did Jacob even know I had a boyfriend?

I felt Jacob's presence crept behind us. I turned over to see him and I saw sadness with a hint in his beautiful dark brown eyes.

"Who is this?" Jason asked me as he placed his arms around my hips. It did not feel right anymore. It did not feel right to be this way with Jason.

"This is Jacob Black. A friend. Jacob this this Jason my boyfriend" I said terrified to know Jacob's reaction. I knew that Jacob would never see more than a friend after this.


	5. A Perfect World

_**Hello, to my beautiful readers. Well, here goes another chapter to the story. I am sorry if this chapter isn't long enough. I am in my two final weeks of the semester in college, so things have been stressful for me. I will try to put up another chapter up by this weekend or during the weekday. After that chapter, I would stop updating until June because I am going to be in Australia. I will try to update from there but I am not sure and I don't want to promise anything that I won't be able to keep. This chapter shows Nessie "dark" side. When I say "dark" I mean her depression that she going through. I would want to give a warning that I don't promote suicide and if anyone has a suicidal tendency talk to professional or someone about it. I don't want this chapter to send anyone over the edge. The more reviews I get the quicker I will put the other chapter up. I will ask to please click the beautiful green button that says review and leave a comment about what you think about the story. Have a wonderful week. Thanks for reading.**_

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"Boyfriend" he asked in a serious tone. I felt heart broken, as I saw his existent smile disappear until a frown appeared instead.

I hated to see Jacob unhappy. I would give anything to see him smile again.

A bit of happiness surfaced on my sides because there was a possibility that he liked me. I like him a lot but I told myself it was stupid of me to think that.

I was younger then he was so he probably just looked at me as a child. I was overwhelmed with confusion.

Until I came here I thought I loved Jason. Now, I don't even want him to kiss me or even hold me in his arms.

Before moving here I use always wanted to be in his arms, I felt safe.

The longing to be in Jacobs's arms even greater then the longing I felt to be in Jason's arms.

I needed him to hold me tight against his body and whispering words of love in my ear that seemed perfect. Too Perfect.

Perfection does not exist. I have learned that the hard way. For what has happened lately, the world isn't perfect. The only thing that is perfect in this world is a vampire.

They were creatures of pure perfection. Too bad I wasn't perfect or nearly perfect. Though if I were, my parents would love me and things wouldn't be going as bad. School wouldn't suck. I wouldn't be going through a depression. My parents would love and not lie to me.

I had to face reality. In a perfect world Jacob would be mine. I had to come to realization that Jacob would never me be mine.

"Yes boyfriend" I felt Jason's hand tighten around my waist. I looked at him and pulled away.

Jason's right hand let go of my waist and went around my shoulder to shake Jacob's hand. Jacob with an unwillingly look shook his hand. I felt my heart break even further.

"Nessie, I have to go" Jacob said and walked out of this house. Why is that I felt so bad? I wanted to leave Jason in my house and go after Jacob.

I wanted to tell him what I felt towards him and for him to kiss me.

I wanted to be with Jacob so bad. "Nessie, what is up with you and that guy" Jason turns me over so he can look straight in my tear-clouded eyes.

" What is wrong? Nessie" He said as he rubbed my cheeked with his fore fingers.

"Nothing, Jason" I said wiping my tears.

"Nessie, you don't have to hide from me," He said kissing my cheek. "Jason, I am just so confused" I said.

"Its okay sweetie. It been hard you live in the middle of nowhere and it's a new school. I just…want you to be happy," he said.

Jason was so understandable, I didn't deserve someone that understanding. "Thank-you Jason" I said kissing his cheek.

Grandma Esme walks into the living room and says "The food is ready if you want to eat?"

Jason and I answer both at the same time "Yes" He said as I said "NO".

I was not hungry, I wanted to be alone and sleep. "Again, Nessie?" Grandma Esme says knowing the questioning Jason would put me under.

Jason looks at me sharply. As I walked to the couch, to turn on the TV and said "I am not hungry, I would eat when I am hungry"

"I have heard that before" He said seriously. Grandma Esme sits next to me and hugs me "Ness, Are you okay?"

"Jason sits next to me on the other side. "IF you need help, you know you can always count on me" He said

I felt like I was in a fucking intervention.

"Nessie, I would leave for you and Jason to talk. I am supposed to meet your "uncle" at his office. We are going to visit Charlie. Everyone else is there as well, Nessie. You are going to be alone here, so please behave." She said as I kissed her goodbye.

"Tell everyone I say hello and of course I am going to behave Aunt Esme" I said I watched her say her goodbyes to Jason.

Jason did the same. I know things aren't going to go well with him. The last thing I wanted to do is to be stuck in this house with him.

I asked myself repeatedly what was wrong with me?

"Nessie, it seems like you lost some weight. How are things going in School?" He asked me as hand ran through my rib cage.

"Jason, seriously, you can stop with this psychology crap now. I am fine, it's just been a hard couple of weeks," I told him rudely while I went to the other side of the living room.

"Sorry!!!! I worried about you Nessie. You know why I worry. I can't believe that we are fighting about this right now" he screamed and he was turning red of how angry he was.

"It was a hard for us but I finally thought we can move on from it. We worked hard to move on from that bad phase Ness. Why are acting like this?" He said walking over to the other side I was in.

He was right. Jason wasn't a bad guy. He was such a patient person he helped me a lot. I owe him for life. I shouldn't' be treating him like this.

I breathed in and out 10 times, so I can calm down.

" I am sorry Jason. This has been a rough couple of weeks," I said looking through the window and wished Jacob would be there.

"Nessie, talk to me" He said softly whispering in my ear.

"Jason, there is nothing to worry about, seriously" I said and I kissed him in the cheek.

"Fine Nessie, I trust you." He said placing a soft kissed in my lips. He kept on putting his hand through my hair to bring me closer to his body.

His lips continued to chase after mine and it felt horrible. Every second of that kiss, I thought about Jacob and how his lips would feel against mine.

I imagine his body against his warm muscular arm and mine around my hips. I had such attraction to Jacob that I have never had for anyone else. LUST.

I imagine Jason was Jacob for a minute. I kissed him like I would kiss Jacob, making sure that I explore every corner of his mouth with tongue. I knew it was wrong of me to do that but I couldn't help myself.

Jason let a groan escape into my mouth and he pushed me into the couch. His hand explore down my thigh and up my hips again. Then I felt his hand reach over to where my ribs cage and my breast meet when I pulled away from him.

I had to come out of my imaginary world, before things got out of hand.

"NO, Jason" I said pushing him away from me. I escape from his touch and I went to the other side of the room.

I felt so uncomfortable and dirty. I was leading him on because I was thinking of another man. "Nessie, when is it going to be time that we could finally be together?" He asked me and I knew what he meant.

Sex. I would always refused to have sex with him before but I definitely refuse him now. I was not ready to take that step with anybody.

"Jason, .." I started but he said "I Know, I know…". He seemed tired of me sometimes. Though I knew he loved me but I knew he would get tired of me soon or later. I guess nobody would ever love me forever.

I guess I would always be lonely. "Lets go eat Jason" , I said going to the kitchen. We ate in silence for a few minutes, until I asked him how things were at Portland.

He kept on talking and talking and talking. That was great though because it meant I just had to nod and listen.

I didn't want to talk. He kept on talking about his classes and the football team. He was captain of the football team.

We ate the food that Grandma Esme left us and we placed the plates in the sink, so I can wash later.

As we sat down to watch the TV, Jason got a text. We quickly got up and told me he had to leave. I didn't question him since I preferred to be alone right now.

"Nessie, take care honey. I will call you." He said quickly and left in a hurry. After Jason left I went to wash the dishes.

I wash the dishes, and I went to my room. I stared at the books for a couple of minutes, trying to do math homework.

It was near to impossible to do since the only thing on my mind was Jacob. I saw disappointment in his eyes.

My heart broke to see him like that. I felt my parents come in full on vampire speed. "RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN" My father roared from the living room.

"COME HERE THIS INSTANT" HE said. I have to admit I was scared, I have never heard my father so angry.

I walk out my room, and I stared at the two angry vampires I had as parents in my living room.

"YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!" My father roared again.

"I didn't do anything I swear" I said in my defense.

"YOU didn't do anything, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! WHY is that Charslie just got a call from the principal from your school saying you cut class today" He yelled once more.

I stood silent because I was so scared and I knew I didn't have a valid reason why to cut school.

"ANSWER ME" He yelled once more.

"mmmm" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. "RENESMEE, you in jeopardy of not graduating on time if you keep on missing classes" My mom said in angry voice.

"Earth to the parents. I will probably have to repeat high school for the rest of my existence so it doesn't even matter" I said angrily.

I was tired of them yelling at me. "THAT IS NOT THAT POINT" He yelled once more and he shook me hard.

"You are hurting me. If you haven't noticed FATHER I hate it here. I hate school people make fun of me all day" I said angrily.

"Please Renesmee it cannot be that bad. You just over dramatize things Renesmee" My mother said.

I just felt anger rise from the core of my body. " YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!!! BOTH OF YOU, you are so ignorant. YOU could be the smartest people ever but when it comes to me you are so ignorant. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!!!! " I said angrily and holding back tears.

"RENESMEE WATCH YOUR MOUTH" HE said shaking me once more.

"NO I WONT. WHY DO I FUCKING HAVE TO ALWAYS WATCH MY MOUTH. WHAT WOULD IT BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEART? JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE ONE. YOU ARE A FUCKING BLOOD SUCK LEECH!!! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME???? IF IT WASN'T FOR AUNT ROSE I WOULDN'T EVEN FUCKING BE ALIVE !!!!

IN a quick second he slaps me across the face and which throws me across the room.

"EDWARD!!" My mom yelled as she ran to get me. I quickly got up and said, " I hate you both. This would be the last time you would ever hit me " I yelled as I ran to my room.

I stared at the mirror and I saw myself in pieces. I saw a horrible person in place of me in the mirror. I quickly ran to the window and jumped outside

I landed perfectly on my feet and I just ran as fast as I can. I ran to the forest, I wasn't scared anymore.

I was scared of no wolf. I wished for the wolf to come and hurt me again. That was the close time I came to dying. If I were lucky enough I would die this time.

I felt no animal around me. I felt nothing. I had no one by my side. I have pushed everyone away from me. I was always good on doing that, pushing people away.

I deserved to be alone. I ran through the forest, as fast as I could. It seemed the forest would never come to an end. I ran for a couple of minutes UNTIL I was face to face to the edge of the cliff.

I stand so close to the cliff that if I took a step closer I would fall to death in the water. Well, at least I hope so. I was debating if I should jump or not.

Uncontrollable tears fell from my eyes. I had a voice in my head telling me to jump that it was not worth living anymore and another telling me that I should not jump and face the problems.

"DON'T do it" I heard a voice behind that sounded like angels falling down from heaven and I look a behind me. I saw an angel trying to save me from my misery. From what I thought that could be the worst mistake of existence.


	6. Inside the Heart

Hi to beautiful readers. Well, this is the chapter is quite different. This chapter you get to see the soft side of Nessie and importantly Nessie's past. This will be the last update until June. I am going on vacation next weekend so I doubt i can write another chapter until then. I will be updating Jacob POV of the story soon, so please check that out. PLEASE REVIEW!!!

* * *

"Nessie, please step away from the cliff's edge." Jacob commanded and I turned back to face the icy cold water and imagine the cold overcome by body.

I imagine how good it feels to think about the pain that low temperatures would cause me.

"Nessie, please step away" He said getting closer to me. I looked at the cliff's edge and I took a step back.

I didn't know Jacob's voice had that I felt the need to listen to him.

I took a several steps backs as tears rolled down my face even faster. I cried uncontrollably in his arms. He held me tight in his arms.

"I am not okay" I said repeatedly into his chest as I realized of what I was going to do. "Nessie, what's wrong?" He asked me kissing my hair and holding me tight against his body.

"Everything. Jacob. Everything" I cried faster. "Nessie, we have to get you home, you are freezing" He said rubbing his hand across my arms.

"NO, I prefer being homeless then ever setting a foot in that house" I said angrily through my tears. "I cant go back to that house, Jacob. Please.. Please..Please Jacob dont take me there" I paniced and anxiety built in my insides.

"Please dont.. Please" I said as he tried to hold me still. " I dont want to go there, Please" i said screaming and then is when he grabbed me by arms. "Nessie, calm down...calm down"

"No, I cant go back there Jacob.. you dont understand" I said pulling myself away from him. "Nessie, calm down" he said grabbing me tighter but my hypervelenting got really bad. My chest tighten and I felt like I couldnt breathe anymore. As I struggle for a single breath, darkness came upon me.

Unaware if I was dreaming or dead, I travel or dreamed to the past. To a place or time where confusion has taking a complete control over my life. I took part of a memory where I wish did not exist or not remember. I have tried to bury this in the past, but its difficult.

* * *

"Jason, what are you trying to say" I said in the car as he drove me home. "Nessie, you know I am trying to say. You are shaky, pale, sweaty, lost a considerable amount of weight, you might have an eating disorder" He said seriously as he parked the car.

"Seriously, you are crazy. I am okay, I am just like this because of the late dance practices, i have been having" I said walking into the house quickly. I walked quickly since I was trying to avoid the topic. Jason approached me about something that i been hiding for the past year and half. Nobody has even noticed.

Though I knew something was wrong with me, I couldn't admit it. I was too ashamed of myself. I was embarrassed of my behavior. "That has been the excuse, Nessie for so long. That has been the excuse for missing your friends birthday parties, for fainting in the dance run-through 2 months ago, for canceling our dates, and for been like this" He said pointing at me.

"Sorry, I cant be perfect for you,JASON. You don't have to stay and watch. You are free to ago anytime you want. The door is right there" I said pointing at the door. Jason was a nice guy and he didn't deserved to be with such a disturbed person like me.

"Thats it Nessie, I don't want that. I want to be with you... I am afraid, Nessie, this rate you are going to die in a year." He said seriously in hush tones in my ear. "Nothing, is going to happen to me, Jason. I am good. The teacher has been pushing me harder then everyone else. I am okay" I said pulling away from him and picking up my dance bag and placing it my shoulder.

"NESSIE, YOU ARE NOT OKAY" He yelled at me. He grabbed me softly by either side of my arms and said "YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF, NESSIE" As he said that he grabbed me by my shoulders and took me to a full-length mirror I had in corridor.

"LOOK AT YOU NESSIE. YOU ARE WASTING AWAY!!!" He said angrily forcing me to see my hideous reflection in the mirror. I was huge like a house, worse, twice the size of the house.

"LEAVE ALONE" I said pulled away from his loosen grip and tried to make a run for it. I tired to run up the stairs but I felt everything turn black, which cause me to fall in the stairs. As I fell to the stairs I drop my dance bag.

My dance bag fell to the beginning part of the stair case where Jason bent over to pick it up. "Give it to me" I said as I got up and ran down the stairs to get it. As he bent over to pick it up the items in the bag fell on to the floor.

Ballet Slippers, Pointe Shoes, leotards, shorts, tights, 3 cases of chips ahoy, 2 cases of Hersey Bars, 5 bags of donuts, 5 cases of oreos, 2 cases of oreos, diet pills, laxative, mineral oils, my diary.

He gasped and stared at me with disappointment.

I quickly gather all the items and poured them back to the bag, as he stood there frozen. I ran up the stairs, as I felt anxiety overwhelmed me once more. I need to be alone. I needed to be with my behavior alone. I ran to my room and I locked myself there. Jason was yelling and banging on the door "let me in nessie".

I poured all the items to the floor once more. This time is to get my way with them. I will anxiously open the cases and the bags of treats. I will stuff them in my mouth until every single piece was gone.

As soon as I was done, I felt horrible. Like I was going to die. Jason was still outside the door and was just sitting there. I felt ashamed when I came to realization when he could have been sitting in the room with me, it wouldn't have stopped me.

I ran to my bathroom. I leaned in over the toilet and threw up instantly. I was like that for thirty minutes. Unaware how I manage to get myself up to wash my face and hands.

I felt whispers and I knew my family was home. Jason was talking to them. I was caught red-handed. I still didnt care. I walked to the room where I bent down to get my pills took a couple of them, it was a routine.

The difficult part of night approach. The weight-in. I was terrified to know my weight. I got on and off the scales before I was gather enough bravery to see the hideous number. I gasped as I was unsatisfied of the number. 94. I could still do much better.

* * *

I woke up with a breathing tube on me. I noticed my surroundings and I was back in my room. I looked a down to my left side and there was Jacob. I moved my hand to give him a signal that he was awake.

"Hey sleep beauty, how do you feel?" He said softly and gently rubbing my fingers. I noticed the IV in my left arm. "Better... you are so warm" I said as I noticed how cold I was when he touched my fingers.

He was warm, like my own personal sun. "You are cold" He said as moved his arms up and down my arms. I closed my eyes, as I felt more calm, peaceful and warm when he was with me.

He parted from my arms and reached towards him" I am not going anywhere, just move a bit to side if you can" I moved to my the left side of my bed and he went under the covers with me.

I felt his arms wrap around me and pulled me closer to his body. He put his head near my neck and held me there. Just perfect.

I closed my eyes and focus to the perfect beat of his heart. I was in love with him. I was in love with Jacob Black.

"Just sleep, nessie. I will keep you safe" I let myself believe in his words and close my heavy eye lids and fell asleep once more.

I woke again it was morning and he was still beside me. He was a sun, he was making so sweaty and I tried to pull away from him without making him wake up, but that was unsuccessful.

"you are awake?" he said rubbing his eyes. "Yes, I am just woke up a minute ago" I said

"where are my parents?" I said wondering why werent they overreacting or making drama here in my room. "They are in the main house. They were afraid of your reaction if you woke to them by your side" He said holding my hand.

I felt that I had his support and that no matter what happens he was right there beside me. "Nessie, they are very worried about you" He said like if they were put on trail and he was their lawyer.

I scoffed and turned around. " I highly doubted it"

"Why dont you believe in your parents?" He asked me softly. " I know Jacob. I know everything. How they hated me before I was born and didnt want me to be born. How Aunt Rose have to protect me" I told him avoiding his eyes.

I looked at his eyes and he looked guilty. "Nessie, your parents love you. They will die for you and parents make mistakes. People make mistakes it doesnt matter what kind of creatures they are but they make mistakes" He rambled.

Jacob was being honest with me. I knew it, I saw it in his eyes. "I guess your right" I said looking at him.

"Talk to them Nessie. They deserved that, Nessie" he said rubbing my cheek. I nodded and he hugged me.

I felt faint when I felt his sweet breath on the back of my neck. I pulled away because I didnt want him to notice. "I want to Thank-you, Jacob. I know for like a month and you saved my life two times" I said gratefully.

"YOu have nothing to thank me for" He said with a half a smile. I smiled and I continued "I dont want you think, I am a manic crazy person. I am seriously not. I just didnt know how to handle things" I said honestly.

"It happens, Nessie. I want you to know if you ever need someone to talk to you, I am here. 24/7. Never feel lonely, I am always here for you" He said kissing my forehead. I smiled once more.

"Thanks, Jacob. You are like the best friend I never had" I said honestly.

He gave me half-smile once more and i heard a knock on the door. For the smells of it, it grandpa Charslie. "You look better, Renesmee. How do you feel?" He asked me and I smiled.

"Better" I told him.

"You had a panic attack yesterday afternoon, Nessie. Do you remember?" He asked me as he checked my IV. I nodded and remembered everything that happened.

"Yes, Grandpa"

" I will leave you both for a while. You want breakfast?" He asked me and I nodded yes. I sadly watched him rolled of the bed and walk out the door.

"Nessie, you were weak and from what Jacob told me it seemed that you were sucidal" He told me getting closer to me and sat on the bed.

"I know, Grandpa. I felt so horrible but I didnt know what to do. I just wanted to feel better. I wasn't thinking" I told him honestly.

"Nessie, I think we should have our sessions twice a week again" He told me.

"Grandpa" I said in whiny voice.

"Do you want to make three times a week?" He told me

"No, two are fine" I told him smiling. "You know the procedure, Nessie. I see you do better and the sessions will decrease" He told me giving me an icy kiss on the forehead.

"Grandpa, Do me a favor?" I asked him holding my left hand in his right hand.

"Yes sure, Nessie, anything" He said.

"Can you call Mom for me?" I asked him and he smiled. "Sure" He kissed me on forehead once more and left.

Two minutes later Mom comes with a tray of food. "Jacob told me to bring this up to you" She said shly.

"Thank-you" as she placed the food to the side.

"Mom, I want us to talk about what happen" I told her as I used my right hand to pat the right side of the bed for her.

"Nessie, I love you so much, I always had" She said cupping my cheek.

"I know but I couldnt help to doubt it when I heard Aunt Rose tell Aunt Alice" I explained to her. Mom stared at me confusingly. "Let me show you" I cupped her cheek with my hand and used my special power to show her what I overheard.

"Ohhh" She said.

"Nessie, Aunt Rose must have said that because she was angry. We love you very much, we always have and we always will. Things were a bit complicated before you were born, but always know you were always loved" SHe said sweetly.

I nodded "I am so sorry momma" I hugged her tightly.

"It okay sweetie" She said hugging me tightly as well.

I heard another knock on the door. I knew who it must be. Dad.

"Come In" I said as I was still in my mothers warm embrace.

"This such a lovely view" My father said coming into the view.

I smiled. He smiled back. "Nessie, I have to apologize for getting so violent. It was out-handed of me to even think of raising my hand at you" He said ashamefully.

"Dad, don't, I deserved it. I was being so unfair to you and mom" I told him

"Still, Nessie, I hurt you like but I believe me that I never meant to" He told me.

"Daddy, just come and hug me" I told him and he pull me into an embrace. I was in the middle of both of them as we all hugged each other like a family.

"Can you please tell grandpa, if this IV is neccessary?" I told daddy laughing and he gave me smile.

"I will take it off" I held my mom's hand as he removed the needle from my skin.

"Honey eat your breakfast?" Mom told me and she brought the tray to the bed. I ate breakfast while we tried to solve the school problem. When I said we, it was mom and dad. At the end of breakfast we came to a solution.

They would enrolled me to home-schooling for my last two remaineder years of highschool. Though, since they wanted me to be "Normal". I promised that I had to live on campus when I enrolled to college.

It seemed fair since the reason why they made me go to highschool was because they wanted me to have the "Normal Experience". Dad left to help Grandpa Charlie at his work.

I felt stronger after I finished eating. I was calmed and at peace with myself. I felt less confused and more at peace. "Mom, where is Jacob?" I asked her causally.

"Honey, he left he had some sort of emergency in his business" She said as she helped me make my bed.

"Ohh...Mom do you think I can go visit him?" I said

"Sure, but come back for lunch" Mom said and I nodded. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. I saw an outfit placed on the bed, Aunt Alice. I fixed my hair and left to visit Jacob.

I drove to Jacob's Auto Shop. I said hi to Seth and asked him whether he knew where Jacob was?

"He is in the office" He said

"You can go there if you want" He said pointing to the direction of the office.

"Thanks Seth"

I walked to the office when I saw a thin tall blonde run her hand through Jacob's shoulders."Jacob, honey you know we always have fun. I need you. We havent hang out in such a long time" She said.

Jacob was silent.

They noticed my presence and Jacob immediately pulled away from her. "Nessie"

"Sorry, I interrupted" I said and left.

"Nessie, wait" He yelled.


	7. Stupid In Love

Hey, I hope you like this chapter. I spent my whole trip back home writing this chapter. I hope you like it and please review pretty please with cherries on top. The reason for the name of the chapter is because that song is stuck in my head. I will try to update from Australia but I am not sure. Again, I hope you like and please review. Thank-you for all those who do review! I appreicate it. Have a nice weekend.

* * *

"Nessie, wait it is not what you think," He said grabbing me by my hand. I pulled my hand away from his.

I was stupid, how can a guy like Jacob ever like me?

"Its fine, Jacob. You are acting like we were something more than friends but we aren't," I said icily.

Sadness overcame Jacob's eyes. I felt like easing any pain he might have. But I wonder what could have triggered it?

"What if I tell you that I wish we were something else?" He told me seriously and grabbing me by my waist.

"What?" I said puzzled of what my ears just heard.

"I love you Renesmee Carlie Cullen," He told me as the bridges of our noses touch and our breathes became heavier and heavier.

This was like dream come true. Jacob likes me? It seems so hard to believe. I wish that this day would come but it cant happen right now.

"Jacob, I love you too but I cant be with you" I told him as I saw the sadness increase and he loosen his grip on my waist.

"If you love me and I love you why can't we be together?" He said sadly.

"There are many reasons why Jacob. Jacob, we hardly know each other. Though, I would die to be with you but I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who doesn't deserve for me to cheat on him, he was always there for me Finally; there are many things you don't know about me. Things that my change your opinion about me" I said sadly and pulling away.

"So where does this leaves us? " He said with his head down so he can avoid eye contact.

"It leaves us where we were before" I told him. Friends.

Then I saw the thin blonde hair girl come from behind Jacob. Jacob lifted his head as he felt her presence.

Her hands went around his waist, as she hugged him from behind. "Any way, it seems like you are a good company," I told him as I walked away.

I walked to the car as I told myself I was not going to cry. I hide my tears at the bottom of my heart.

I wanted to be with Jacob, but I just couldn't do that Jason. He is been with me for so long. He was always so supportive.

* * *

"Breathe, Renesmee. Just breathe." I did my breathing exercising, as I felt very nauseous.

Recovering from Bulimia was difficult. I told myself I wasn't going to do anymore but my body doesn't want to stop.

It goes on instinct, I just finish eating a small bowl of soup and it can't handle it.

I could literally feel the anxiety overwhelmed me, but I had to fight it. I had to fight it. I wanted to fight it.

There was this voice that will tell me to not fight it, to let myself go but I had to not pay any mind to that voice.

It was the same voice that would tell me constantly that I was not thin enough. The same voice that got me to my death sentence a month ago.

When my heart stop for 8 seconds and Grandpa and Dad had to bring back to life. That was the rude awakening I needed to realize I was sick.

Grandpa diagnoses me of having Bulimia and Anorexia. When I first heard that I scoffed and said, " I am not thin enough to be Anorexic"

I was thin enough to almost die though. Grandpa told me I weight an 86 pounds, and I don't know my recent weight.

I hated not knowing, I hated knowing that I would gain weight as time goes by. But, I still fought for my life. It was too difficult though when your mind and body goes against each other.

"I can't do it Jason. I can't," I said getting from the bed and heading to the bathroom.

"Nessie you are strong. Just fight it," He told me as he held tightly around my waist. He held me tight against his chest so I wouldn't move.

He picked me up and laid me on the bed and held me close to his chest. "Things will be alright Nessie. One day things will be the same again" He whispered words of encouragement to my ear.

I nodded into his chest and drifted off to a deep sleep. The last words I heard was " I will always be here when you need me".

* * *

I shuttered to think of how life changed. Before I met Jacob, I knew who I thought was the love of my life. But I guess I was wrong?

Since I didn't want to be even near Jason. The sound of his voice even annoys me. Nothing compares to Jacob. Jacob was so unique.

I drove home as I lost myself in my train of thoughts. I went to the main house and I had lunch there.

After lunch I let myself wonder around the main house. The main house was so big. There was pool, dance/music studio, 4 bedrooms, game room, living room, 3 bathrooms, and a kitchen.

I let myself wonder to what use to be my favorite room in the house. Dance/music studio.

It still was but I hardly ever went there after my recovery. Though I healed myself mentally and physically. I never was able to heal the relationship I had with dance.

I didn't dance since that day at the recital; my dance partner caught me before I hit the floor. Mom and dad ran to the stage and took me to Charslie.

Charslie saved me from my own death. Since then I have been afraid of dance. Afraid to go back to my old behavior and this time nobody could save me.

There was a dance floor and to the far corner there was the piano and other musical instruments.

As I headed to the piano and I remember the first time I heard that beautiful musical piece. I remember my first dance lesson from Aunt Rose. I walked over to the CD collection and looked for the CD that my father made me when I was young.

The recordings of his music pieces, in it Esme's Favorite. I was dying to hear it again. When I listen to the music, I would imagine the dance that I was not able to perform that day in my recital.

I took the CD out of its case and played it. I walked slowly to middle of the dance floor and took off my s

Then it happen I moved to the rhythm of the music and to the chorography of the dance I made up.

It felt nice again; it felt like I was free. I felt like was flying again. I felt the same way that I use to feel before when I danced. Freedom.

When I got sick, I didn't feel freedom anymore, I felt controlled.

"Nessie" My mom gasped but I saw happiness in her eyes.

"You are dancing honey," She said as she ran in full vampire speed to hug me. I saw brightness overcome my mom's eyes.

"Yeah, I know I miss it… I actually didn't know how much until right now," I said stretching my feet.

'Honey, you can always dance as hobby" She said pulling me into a cold embrace.

"I know, I am just a bit scared that I may loose myself again," I said honestly looking at my feet.

"Honey, do what is comfortable for you if you want to dance for a hobby you could, just don't obsesses over it" She said smiling.

I just nodded and smiled. "By the way, Charslie is in lunch break and wants to come here so you can start your therapy session" Mom said seriously.

"Yes, I would be waiting his office mom" I said moving away from my mom and turn off the music.

"I will tell him that when he comes sweetheart," My mom said kissing my forehead.

I picked a book from his office and I was reading it until Grandpa came. The session was an hr long, and we talked about how I felt yesterday.

How I should express and communicate my emotions. Afterwards mom was waiting for me bunch of books of chemistry, calculus, history, and Spanish.

This took like 6hrs worth of studying but it was much better then going to stupid school.

Afterwards I had dinner and we went hunting a bit as well. Since Uncle Emmett has craving for grizzlies' bears, everyone expect Grandma Esme and Grandpa Charslie decided to go.

I decided to go to bed as my family went hunting. I was in my bed and I could barley go to sleep.

I would toss and turn. I was bothered by the situation of Jacob. I would replay and replay what went on in his auto shop in my mind and still couldn't believe it.

Then all of sudden I heard a weird noise coming from the window. Shit, my window was wide open. I ran to the side and I noticed that there was vase with flowers. I quickly took the flowers off and held the vase with my hand.

I heard the noise get louder and louder. It was a person and he or she was climbing in my room.

As soon as he climbed in the window, I held the vase up high and slammed against the person's neck.

"Fuck" I heard him say and I knew who he was. Jacob. I saw him fall to the floor as I ran to turn on the light of my room.

"Oh my, Jacob!" I screamed as I saw him lay there. I felt how tears rolled down my cheeks.

I went to see his body, and thankfully he was getting up off the floor.

He held his neck as he got up and went to sit in my bed.

"Jacob, I am soooo sorry for hitting with the vase. I thought you were a robber or something " I said kneeling down on the floor as he just sat there and held his neck.

"I have to get Grandpa," I said getting up but he just held my hand and prevented me from leaving.

"Don't Nessie, I will be fine" He said in breathes.

"No Jacob, he is a doctor he can help you" I said trying to get up to leave but couldn't because he just pulled me into his body.

"Nessie, I will be fine honest," He said looking at me and then winced in pain.

"I think there a piece of the glass stuck in my neck," He said wincing in pain again. I got up in the bed and checked his neck.

I removed his glossy black hair and saw a glass wedge in his neck. I felt horrible. I hurt him.

"There is one, I am going to remove it okay" I said closing my eyes as I pulled the glass from his neck.

I felt how the warm iron scent liquid gushes over my hand. I closed my eyes and smelled the blood.

I licked my lips as I realize how much I craved his blood. It smelled very appetizing. I pushed myself away from him and ran out the room murmuring something about getting rubbing alcohol.

I could smell his sweet blood from the bathroom and I felt the burning sensation in my throat.

I got the rubbing alcohol from the medication cabinet and I opened it quickly. As soon as I opened it I smell the alcohol.

The smell of the alcohol made the smell of Jacob's blood more tolerable. What is wrong with me?

I never had problems controlling my thirst before. I was always around humans on a daily basis.

There was something different about Jacob. He has something that nobody else has.

As I ran back into the room, I saw Jacob sitting in the bed nervously. I got a cotton ball from the mirror stand and dabbed with alcohol.

"Nessie, I don't need that" He refused as he saw me approaching with the cotton ball.

"Yes you do Jacob. I don't want that to get infected" I said making him sit down in the bed again.

I removed his beautiful hair and I saw no cut. I touched his skin and I gasped as I saw there was no cut or anything. No scars and touched his beautiful cooper perfect flawless skin

"Jacob" I said surprisingly. He super-healed, he wasn't human. No human can super-healed.

"You aren't human are you?" I continued to speak as I got up from the bed and he got up as well. He stared at me.

He shamefully nodded no. "What are you then?" I demanded to know.

"Werewolf" I gasped and walked away from him as I remember the wolves that attack me.


	8. Hurtful Memories

_**Hey guys! how you been? Well, here is quick update, I hope you like it. I am sorry for the Cliff Hangers of the last two chapters. Sorry if the chapter is a bit short. I promise the next one would be a lot longer. Sorry if you find the details of Nessie's Eating Disorder disturbing but this what people with ED's go through. I hope you enjoy it. I hope to update soon but the more reviews I get the quicker I will put the next chapter up. Please Please Please Reviews. Thanks for all who are reading. have a nice week. **_

* * *

"Werewolf" He said shamefully and I took a big step back. I thought about the werewolves attacking me.

Though I should be running scared and looking for help but I couldnt.

Something inside cause me not to fear Jacob. Voices echoed in my head telling me to trust him, to not fear him.

b"Ness" he said softly and not moving a inch.

I moved small steps forward to make up for the big step I took back. "I trust you, I dont know why but I do" I said softly.

"I won't hurt you Ness. You can always count on me. Those wolves made a huge mistake and I promise they will never hurt you again" He said softly and placed his hand on my hips.

"A mistake that could have cost me my life" I said as reminder and he brushed his nose with mine. My heart pumped faster and my breathes became heavier having him so close to me.

"Ness, we would never hurt you. I could never hurt you, I love you" He said in whispers. I looked to his smile that stoled away my heart.

"I would like to meet them" I said and Jacob pulled away in shock. "Wh-what" Jacob said surprised.

"Jacob, they seem to be a part of you. You must really believe in them to know that they would never hurt me" I said brushing my thumb aganist his carmel like skin.

"I do. They would not hurt you, I wont let anybody hurt you" He said kissing my right cheek, left cheek, forehead and then he moved closer to my lips.

I felt his sweet breath near my lips and my knees were weak. I moved to the side and kissed him on the cheek.

"I am sorry Jacob, I want to kiss you but it isnt fair. I want it our kiss to be in a honest situation" I told him honestly. Hoping he wouldnt get mad and leave.

I didn't want Jacob and I start our relationship when I was with another guy. It isnt fair, not for Jacob or Jason.

Hopefully, when I am able to break it off with Jason, then Jacob and I could be in relationship. Well, thats if he wants too.

Breaking up with Jason, is something that worries me. If you would have ask me a couple of months ago, I wouldnt have dreamed off breaking up with Jason.

Things change.

"Ness, I love you. You such a good person" He said in whispers kissing my nose. I pulled away and looked to the window and it reminded me of Carol.

* * *

Carol rang my door bell on a Saturday morning. She came in and sat down on my living room. I went to the kitchen to make strong black coffee.

I sat down to wait for the coffee. I looked at Carol who was unusally silent. I just waited for her to tell me something anything.

"Tell me. Tell me what is on your mind"I told her as I looked at her. She semed terrifed, scared, and sick.

"I am scared" She said at first. "Scared because I am throwing up blood, my hair is falling down, and I havent slept in 4 days" She said grabbing her hair.

"Carol you should go to the doctor" I suggested lightly, as I knew she wouldn't listen to me.

"No, Nessie ! PLease promise me that you wont tell anybody" SHe shook me as she could have threaten to kill me.

"I promise Carol" I said in whipsers.

"You know what they would do to us if we go to the hospital. They would make us Fat. Then you can defintely forget about your dance career. You think Jason would like you if you look like a cow" She said getting up and dragging me by the hand to the mirror.

"No" I said shamefully as I knew how hideous I look.

"Remember thin is beautiful" She whipered in my ear like she was advertising.

"thin is beautiful" I whispered back.

"I have to go Ness" She said giving me hug and leaving my house. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw nothing. I saw a different person to who I was before.

I know Carol was sick but I refused to think I was sick. I should have stop her and told Grandpa Charslie to check her, but I couldnt. If I turned Carol in I had to turn me in too.

I turn of the kettle and I decided to go for a jog. I ran for two miles and I came back to the house. "Oh Honey" my mom said covering her mouth and hugged me.

"Mom whats wrong?" I said scared to what she would say next.

"Nessie, Carol had a heart attack. She in the hospital, she is...dying" SHe said and I wished this was a cruel joke.

I ran to the car and drove to the hosptial. I ran to her room and I saw her connected to all these machines. "Nes-sie" SHe gasped

"Carol" I said kneeling beside her bed. "I should have made you go the hospital, maybe I could have prevented this" I said holding her hand.

She shook her head no and whispered "Save yourself". Her mom entered in the room and I turned around to look. "Its your fault" She pointed her finger at me.

"Mom, it my fault" She said gasping and I stood up. "My daughter is dying because of you" SHe said and Carol gasped "No, it me" gasped one more time.

Then her mom noticed Carol and kneeled beside her death bed. She cried next to her daughter and told her how much she loved her. "Love you mommy" Carol told her in final gasps and died.

The fearful sound happened. Carol heart stopped and Carol's mom was crying worse then ever. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle knowing I could have done something to prevent Carol's death.

If I would have told someone she would be alive. If I wasnt so selfish, she would have been okay. Carol's death happened because of me.

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Tears swelled up as I remember Carol. One of my best friend, the one who understood everything. "Nessie are you okay?" Jacob said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Yes" I said and I turned around to look at Jacob.

"Jacob, I am not the person you think I am. I am not good for you" I said pulling away as I remember my horrible past. I wish I could take back the time and prevent everything from happening.

"Nessie, how can you possibly not be good for me?" Jacob said hugging me.

I just cried and remember how Carol's death was my fault. He hugged me tightly and I just cried there in his arms. " I can't talk about it hurts too much" I said whispers between my sobs.

He just hugged me and whispered words of love in my ear. He lifted me up in his arms and just held me in his arms. I just laid there in his arms and nothing seemed more perfect.

"Rensmee Carlie Cullen" My father yelled as he stood in front of my bed.

"Dad, I can explain everything" I said pulling away from Jacob arms unwillingly.

"Edward we didn't do anything" Jacob said getting up from my bed.

"Jacob Black you are forbidden to ever set foot in this house again" He yelled

"No dad you cant do that" I yelled as I stood beside jacob.

"Ness, dont fight your parents because of me" He said softly.

"Yes, I could this my house" My dad yelled.

"Dont blame Nessie for this. It not her fault" Jacob said and he pulled away from my side.

"Dont fight with your parents because of me" Jacob said lastly and just stood there with a confuse face.

"Jac-Jacob" I said softly not understanding why he left without a fight. He was in love with me but once my father comes to the picture he forgets about me.

"Renesmee, you are foribben to go after that boy" My father continued yelling after he left.

I was angry at Jacob. How could he do that to me? How could he leave so easily ?

"Dont worry I wont" I said miserably and sat down in the bed. I felt lonely without him. I wanted him to be here and again but then I wanted to punch him in the face.

I was willing to fight for my father for him but he didn't. He just left. Would he leave me whenever we had problem? Or whenever my father said no?

I sat there and thought about him. I thought about Jason. I was confused, I felt that I need someone by my side. I needed someone to talk to. I felt horrible.

I looked myself in the mirror and thought what he could see in me. My old insecurites overcame me again, I saw myself with love handles, fat legs, flabby arms, chubby cheeks.

"Renesmee, you would look better a bit thinner. Jacob would love you a bit more thinner" My inside voice said to me again. I havent heard that voice in a year and half. I poked my stomach.

"Renesmee, you look nothing like the blonde girl in the Jacob's auto shop. She was beautiful and thin. You look nothing like that" I saw myself and cried of how horrible I looked.

"They made me fat" i said pulling my scale from under my bed. I weighted myself. 125 pounds of fat.

I got of the scale and desperately looked for food around my room. I found nothing. Anxiety overwhelmed me because I wanted to purge so bad. I had nothing in my stomach because I ate last night.

I found a small chocolate bar and I ate that as quickly as I could. Stuffing it in my mouth and I quickly ran to my bathroom.

I put a finger in my mouth, hoping to activate the gag reflex. Then I quickly removed the finger from my mouth. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through the nightmare I went through when I was 14.

I need someone to talk to, nobody would understand. I quickly packed some clothes in a bag and other neccessary stuff into a bag. I need to get away from the house.

I need to talk to someone. Someone who was always there for me no matter what. Jason. I ran through the door and thank god my parents werent there.

They were probabley at the big-house, talking about my father just saw. I quickly got to my car and started driving towards Portland. I picked my phone up and dailed Jason's cellphone number.


	9. Linus Blanket

_**Well okay guys, this is the next chapter. Dont hate me ! i promise Jacob and Renesmee will ended up together. Just wait. Time will bring them together. Review and you will get the next chapter up sooner. SO Review!**_

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"Jason" i said as I heard that someone picked up the phone.

"Hey nessie" A high pitched girly voice picked up the phone. I knew that voice.

"Beth" I said surprised to hear her.

"Who is that Beth sweetheart?" I heard Jason's voice said. I felt heart-broken.

"Renesmee" Beth said trying to look for an excuse.

"Tell him we are over" I yelled over the phone. That lying cheating bastard. I was tried to be honest towards him. I hang up the phone and I heard it ringing and ringing many times.

I had no idea where to go. I felt lonlier then ever. I knew where I had to go. I raced to closest supermarket in town and stopped there. I brought food. Tons of food.

I didn't care what people thought about me. I need to feel better. I need to feel better now. This was the only way to feel better instantly.

Screwed all the hard work I went through in recovery. Screw everything. Screw the whole entire world.

I could have been with Jacob but I was stuck with Jason. Jacob is only with me when he wants to. He is terrifed of my father. How can we ever be together if he not willling to stand up with my father?

As I finishing buying all the food, I carried the bags to my car. "Where is the party" A unfamilar voice said.

I looked up and I saw a guy with blonde hair, tall and green eyes standing in front of me.

"No where" I said miserably.

"You aren't going to tell me that all that food is for you ?" He said with a cocky smile.

"If it was that isn't your problem" I said walking to the car.

"I guess you don't remember me. I am Adam the guy who sat behind you in Biology" He said walking beside.

"Oh okay" I said as I walked closer to my car.

"How come you are not going to school anymore?" He said

"Home school" I said opening the trunk of the car.

"Nice car. Well, I want to ask you something" He said not moving from my side.

"What?" I said annoyed.

"What is it going to take for me to go on a date with you?" He said with a cocky smile. I was annoyed, this guy was coming between me and my plans.

"I hardly know you" I said hoping that he would get off my back.

"We can get to know each other" He said holding my arm.

" i dont know" I said.

" Come on just one lunch date. Today?" he said nudging my arm.

I just nodded as I realized the big mistake I was going to do. I took deep breathes along the way. I felt guilty. Why did buy all this food?  
I can't go back to my destructive behavior. I refused.

I should stop being so implusive. I was thankfully to Adam for coming up to me and talking to me. He prevented me from making a horrible mistake.

I had a nice time with him. He was actually pretty funny. After lunch we went to catch an early movie. No matter how much I hated to say it, I liked Adam.

Adam was nice and simple. My phone didn't stop ringing it was always my parents, jacob or the lying cheating bastard.

"You always seem to be busy" He said as I turned off my phone.

"No, it just that I- just broke up with my boyfriend" I said putting the phone in my pocket.

"Really" He said trying to hide his smile.

"Yeah" I said walking back to the car.

"Can I ask why?" He said opening the driver's door for me.

"He is a lying cheating bastard" I said chuckling to myself. I was relieved actually Jason saved me the trouble of me making me break up with him.

"Renesmee, Can I see you again?" He said kissing my cheek.

"Maybe" I said smiling.

"Tomorrow night" He said hugging me.

"Sure tomorrow night, Bye Adam I had a nice time with you" I said kissing his cheek.

"Wait!" i yelled after him.

"Yeah?" He said walking back to the car.

"You dont happen to have brothers and sisters do you? Who like tons of junk food?" I said getting the groceries from my trunk.

"Yeah I do? But I thought.." He knew better to ask more questions. I liked him.

"Here" i said pulling all the groceries bag and handing it to him.

"THanks Bye Renesmee. See you tomorrow" he said walking away with the groceries.

I felt happy with him. THough I stilled loved Jacob, I was still highly upset towards him. Maybe I was too quick to say I was in love with him. I barley knew his name ?"

I dont even know if he has any brothers or sisters? I just recently found out he was a werewolves? God only knows what other secrets he has?

I happily returned home. Like I knew my parents were highly upset towards me. But, at the end they were just happy I returned home without doing anything stupid.

I talked to Grandpa individually and told him about my almost relapse. I felt better after talking to him about it. I didn't feel as lonely but I did feel confuse. Everything was just happening so quickly.

Forks was making me confuse as the days went by. Werewolves exist. Jacob. Jason being a lying cheating bastard. Adam.

I was confused I mean I liked Adam but Jacob had something special. Mom and Dad were angry towards Jason when they found about him and Beth.

Beth was easy and Jason was horny as hell so go figures they will end up together.

As to Jacob, he called me and I refuse to talk to him. Two months went by since Adam and I started dating and I found out Jason was lying cheating bastard. Also, that Jacob ran scared from my father.

I felt nice with Adam. I felt normal. That is a feeling I never had before. Normalcy. I mean with Jason I was the recovering unfunctional eating disoder chick and Jacob I was the confused girl.

With Adam things were natural and normal. That was something that wished for in a relationship. To just feel like a normal 17 year old girl.

As to Jacob, we will meet up and talk as friends. He wasn't happy when he found about Adam. I never expected for him to happy but he wasn't mad. He was just sad.

I felt bad for making Jacob feel sad because I loved him. I was just confused. I just want to feel calm and at peace. With Adam I get to feel that way.

I felt safe with him. I felt safe with Jacob too but I felt scared as well. I felt physically protected with Jacob but never emotionally. I loved Jacob and he could hurt me the most. That scared me. Knowing that you love a person so much and he could hurt the most as well.

I guess thats why I wanted to be with Adam. Adam was my linus blanket.

Time went by and it was our 6 month anniversity. Today was going to be a happy day with full of surprises.


	10. The Proposal

Hey, guys. I felt bad because the last chapter was so short so this chapter is kinda of the continuation of the last chapter. This chapter is not that much longer but you get a feeling of what might happen next. I hope you like it. Review. I will post the next chapter up when I get 6 dreviews. Hopefully that will be soon.

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"Dad, seriously I am 18. You can stop being over protected" I said getting my bag because Adam was waiting in the car.

"Renesmee you could be 100 and I will always be protecting you" He said with with frozen half smile. Mom was beside him like always, waiting for her goodbye hug.

"Bye momma" I said giving her a hug.

"Bye Sweetie. Have fun. Tell Adam congrats on his hs graduation" She said happily. She liked Adam, even more than she like Jason.

"Okay Momma" I said grabbing my leather jacket.

"Hey Sweetie" i said getting into the car and he leaned forward to kiss me. "Hey Renesmee "

He kissed me in the lips.

"Honey, I have a reservation in P.A. for today " He said driving and on the way to the resturant we talked about his graduation and his parents.

Adam was leaving to training in a few months. He wants to join the Air Force.

We parked the car near the resturant and we went walking hand by hand to the resturant. As we enter the resturant, Seth was there.

"Renesmee" He said hugging me.

"Seth" I said with a smile.

"Julia, this a Renesmee a friend" He said and I shook her hand. She seemed nice and sweet.

"Seth and Julia, this is my boyfriend Adam" I said walking a few steps and going to Adam Side.

"Nice to meet you" Adam shook Julia and Seth hand.

"Renesmee, now that I see you, I want to invite you to bonfire I am having tomorrow. I hope you can come" He said happily and holding Julia hand.

"Sure" I said as we hugged goodbye since the waitress came to seat Seth and Julia. We were next.

"He seems nice" Adam commented as we sat down.

"Yeah, he is" I said getting the menu from the waitress.

"How do you know him?" He said while he looked at the menu. "I meet him through my Grandfather, he is the son of my grandpa's wife. He also worked in Jacob's Autoshop" I said looking through the menu.

"Oh" Then I realized that he got upset. I looked up and he didn't have a smile on face. He seemed so serious. I forgot that he dislikes Jacob.

"Sorry" I said putting the menu to the side and holding his hand.

"I am sorry. I just cant control myself, whenever I hear Jacob's name my mood changes" He said kissing my hand.

I just nodded since I didn't know what to say. He didn't like Jacob and Jacob didn't like him. So the feeling was mutual.

I was caught in the middle. I can never be both of them without them starting to fight. They both bring the worst out of each other.

"Renesmee, I have something to ask you" He said holding my hand tighter.

"Yes" I said nervously since he seemed a bit nervous.

The waitresss came but Adam asked if she can come back within a few mintues. "Renesmee, we been going out for some time. I love you and I want to spend the rest of life with you" He said and I just stood frozen.

Oh no! I hoped he wasnt going to ask me to marry him or something.

He let go of my hand and reached inside his jeans for something. I saw jewerly box in his hand. Oh No!

"Renesmee will you marry me?" He said and I didn't know what to say.


	11. Don't Wanna Be Torn

_**Hey, so I really really really hope you like this chapter. I got a review asking about Jacob and Renesmee's relationship while she was going out with Adam. That part is going to be written in To Live Again, Jacob's POV of the story. To just make things a bit clearer, they are just friends in those 6 months. Again, I hope you really really like this chapter and REVIEW. I won't put the next chapter up until there are 8 reviews, but trust me its going to be worth it. SO click the little green button and Review. I hope you like it ! and thanks for those who did review!**_

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"Renesmee will you marry me" Adam asked and I just didn't know what to say.

He wasn't Jacob. When I realized what I just thought, tears swelled up in my eyes. He just pulled my hand that held the ring away from me.

He looked down and I just stood there in shock.

"Its because of him, isn't it ? Its because of Jacob" He said putting the box back in his jeans.

"I don't know what you are talking about" I said

"Renesmee, I know. I see how you look at him, whenever he is around you. You never looked at me that way" He said and I just stood there crying.

"I am sorry Adam. I am so sorry Adam" I said honestly with tears falling from my eyes.

"Me too Renesmee" He said getting up from the table.

"Do you want leave?" He asked and I just nodded. I didn't want to eat. I felt horrible.

We drove back in silence and once we arrive to my house.

"You were great Adam. Really. I really liked you" I said kissing his left cheek.

"You liked me but you didn't love me" He said kissing my forehead.

"I hope you find someone who deserves your love" I said stroking his cheek.

"Don't be scared Renesmee. Dont be scared of real love" He said and gave me final kiss in my forehead. I got off the car and walked to my house.

My parents were there standing confuse.

"Honey" My mom said and she hugged me tightly. I felt horrible. I broke Adam's Heart. I felt like I played with him, he didn't deserve it.

I wonder if I would have yes, would it make a difference. I tried to imagine our life together, nothing came to mind.

I just saw my life with Jacob. Jacob waited for me at the end of the aisle and I walked down with a beautiful white wedding dress by the side of my father.

He would wait for me, with his beautiful killer smile. Then we became husband and wife. After time being married, I wish for children who looked exactly like him.

"I just don't want to talk about it " I said walking to the piano room.

"Renesmee" my mom walked after me.

"What happen?" She said sitting beside me.

"He asked me to marry him?" I said looking at the ivory piano keys. "And?" She asked.

"I consider it. I imagine my life with another man" I said wiping my tears away.

"Jacob" My mom said softly.

I just nodded. " You feel horrible because you wished you could have said yes" She said.

I just nodded and wiped my tears away again.

"Honey, you did the right thing. Adam deserves your honesty. If you didn't really love him, your marriage wouldn't have worked out anyway. You love Jacob, Renesmee. It time you told him that" She said pulling me into a hug.

"I am scared" I admitted into a sob.

"Honey, what are you scared of?" She asked me as she kept me in a hugging positon.

"Of Jacob. Jacob could break my heart. He can cause me the worst pain possible, just because I love him so much, Momma" I said sobbing.

"Renesmee, you have risk it, put your heart to play. But trust me all true love feels that way, but its worth it" She said and I felt better.

I wiped my tears away. "Honey, talk to Jacob" She suggested lightly.

"Yeah, i will momma. Tomorrow, Seth invited me to Bonfire, hopefully Jacob will be there" I said hopefully and pulling my mom in for a last hug.

"Oh, I know he will. He always is" She said chuckling.

"Now, time for dinner. I whip something up quickly" She said getting up me from the piano seat and walking me back to the living room.

Where my father knew to ask any quesitons. I knew he would talk about it later with my momma.

I decided to have a bonding time with my father, since we didn't for such a long time.

We decided to have a Rush Hour Marathon. I loved Jackie Chan. I love all the Rush Hour movies.

We would watch them and laugh, with all of my family. Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Grandpa, Grandma, Momma and Dad all watching Rush Hour movies.

My mom made a hot chocolate right before I went to sleep. The sweet chocolate was comforting and heat from the chocolate was soothing.

I woke up late in the afternoon, which was reasonable since I went to sleep at 5 in the morning.

I fixed something up in the kitchen, and then went to take a shower. I was a bit nervous because I haven't seem Jacob for two weeks. Not since Adam and Jacob started to fight in the middle of a restuarant.

I hope he wasn't angry towards me.

I hope he still liked me.

After I finish getting ready, I drove to La Push.

I knocked on Seth door and Seth received me with a warm hug. "I thought you werent going to come?" He said as he hugged me.

"Well, here I am. You saw what happen yesterday right?" I asked him in his ear.

"Sorta of" He said with a half smile

"Wanna talk about he?" he continued.

"He asked me to marry him?" I said and Seth gasped. He was surprised.

"I didn't know you guys were that serious" He said.

"We werent. We actually broke up yesterday" I said sighing.

"You dont love him do you?" He said half smiling again.

I nodded no. "Jacob?" He asked and I blushed.

"Is that obvious" I blushed.

"You see him in a special way. Even when you were angry at him for fighting with Adam, you still had that special sparkle in your eyes" He said laughing.

"That's why I need to talk to him" I said nervously.

"Ness, he actually being really out of it this week" He said. Oh no I didn't like where this is going.

"He been drinking like everyday. He in a horrible mood all the time. He lost a lot of weight but he just drinks and doesnt eat anything" Seth said pulling me to the side of the house.

"Seth, where is he ?" I said nervously. "The woods near the beach. He actually left like two minutes before you came" He said smiling and pointing to the beach.

I nodded nervously. "Nervous" He said laughing.

"Yes" I said holding my tummy. I had butterflies in my stoamch.

I needed to calm down. "Seth, you have beers right?" I asked him and he looked surprise.

"I thought you didn't drink" he said smiling and surprising.

"I dont but I am so nervous and I need to be able to have the courage to talk to him" I said and Seth just walked over the table and gave me three cans of beers.

"Don't drink too much, you dont want to get drunk" He said laughing as I finished my 1st can of beer. It tasted horrible but it helped.

Seth and I walked over to the beach. He told me about Julia and how much he liked her.

Everyone was there drinking, happy and dancing near the beach. I looked around and Jacob was no where to be found until I saw to far left side of the bonfire. There he was with a Jack Bottle in his hand and the stupid thin blonde hair girl in other one.

I felt my heart break. See this is what I was afraid of, I was going to look stupid if I just left. I will make pretend I am having the time of life now and cry later. I sat down and Paul offered me beer.

I took it.

I opened another can of beer and drank it.

After I finish the 2nd one, I opened the other one and started drinking that one.

The nerves pushed me to drink my 4th beer. I was so dizzy and lightheaded.

"Renesmee" Seth said as he walked over to me and help me sit up straight.

"I am fine Seth" I said trying to get up but I couldn't walk. I was too dizzy. I held my head, because everything was spinning.

"How many beers did you have?" He said holding me up and hugging me. I guess it was for me not to fall.

"Four" I said closing my eyes.

"Four" He laughed.

"Don't laugh, you big meanie" i said and slurred my words. Wow, so this how drunk feels like.

"I thought you drank for the nerves" He said holding me.

"It started out that way until I saw that blonde hair with Jacob" I said

"They aren't anything, I dont even know why she is here" he said and tried to look at him but I saw four of him.

"You know what I dont care anymore. Screw Jacob White" I said

"Black" He said laughing

"White" I said fighting with him.

"I don't even know why bother, you are drunk" He said pulling me to sit down and laughing. I saw across the bonfire and Jacob was staring at me and Blondie girl was whispering in his ear. Just Great! I don't want to see how this Blondie chick and Jacob affection for each other.

"I have to go" I said getting up

"Renesmee you are not going home drunk, you are not driving" He said grabbing my bag.

"Keep it, I am going walking" I said as i walked away from the bonfire. "Nessie, the woods are dangerous" He said walking after me.

"I am half-vampire, I can defend myself" I said making my walking pace faster.

I felt someone just sway me in arms and puts me over his shoulder. "You are not going anywhere alone" I heard the voice and I knew who that voice was. Jacob.

"Put me down" i said angrily.

"No" he said walking to the bonfire.

"Put me down, I have to barf" I said honestly, the position he put me over his shoulder made me nauseous and dizzier.

"Wow" he quickly put me down and held my hair back. I concentrating on my breathing, to try prevent from puking. I sat up straight and Jacob sat next to me facing the ocean.

I just closed my eyes and concerated on my breathing even more. I didn't want to puke, I didn't want puke in front of him.

"Are you okay?" He said softly.

I just nodded my head.

"You can go back to bonfire if you want, I will just stay here and look for someone to drive me home" I told him looking in his eyes. Then I remember what Seth told me. He has lot a bit of weight and he seems really exhausted. At that instant I just want to hold him in my arms and just ask him what's wrong.

"I am not missing out on anything" He said pulling my hair back.

"Really because it seemed like you did" I said instantly. I know she wasn't one of his one-night stand because I seen her a couple of times before.

"Believe or not? She isn't anything and you don't you have boyfriend who to suppose to take you to fancy dinners" He said angrily.

"He isn't my boyfriend anymore" I said sighing and looking at the beach.

"Really? Why?" He asked surprise.

"He asked me to marry him" I said closing my eyes. " I said no, of course" Then I open my eyes looking at the ocean. It seemed so peaceful.

"She isn't anything, you know, we were something like three years ago. Now, she wants to get back with me but I don't want to. My heart belongs to someone else" He said placing a hand over my shoulder and pulling me into a side hug.

I believed him and I trust him. I think that why I was so scared of him, because I trust him so blindly.

"Why didn't you marry him" He said roughly against my ear.

"I don't love him. I tried so hard to love him but I couldn't. He doesn't deserve marrying a person who doesn't love him back" I said moving in his arms to face him. "You know the reason why I fought so hard against you was because I was scared of you" I said snuggling my face in his neck.

He just held me close in his arms. It seemed perfect. "Why?" He asked me placing a kiss in my neck.

"I love you so blindly and if you hurt me, I won't be able to take it" I said lifting up and kissing him on chin.

"Renesmee, I will never intentionally hurt you. I love you blindly too. Every time you hurt, I hurt. You are a part of me." He said kissing my nose.

I grabbed his ear and I brought his face closer to mine. Our noses brushed for seconds and then we moved closer so lips can finally touch.


	12. Regrets

_**Hello, I am putting this chapter up even though nobody really gave an interest to know what happen next. I really like to know if you like where this story is headed or don't. If you don't please let me know about it and tell me what I am doing wrong. I can't fix it unless I know. Well, here goes another chapter. Renesmee is a difficult person. She very unsure of what she wants out of life and very impulsive. Being impulsive causes her to make rash decision that she regrets later. Please don't hate me for this chapter. Trust me Renesmee and Jacob will end up together. Let me know what you think. I will be putting the next chapter at the end of the week. Please review. **_

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As we leaned forward so our lips could finally brush, we heard people cheering and clapping.

Which caused us separate and I looked over to the bonfire Jacob's friends are the ones that caused the cheering. I blushed because I forgot that we were not alone.

Jacob sighed as a sign of annoyance and I just chuckled softly. I was a bit annoyed too because I want to kiss him. I looked at him and kissed his cheek.

"They ruin the moment didn't they" He said brushing my cheek with his forefingers.

I chuckled and said "Just a bit".

"I wanted to kiss you sweetheart," He said kissing my nose. "Me too" I sighed as he held me tighter and pulling me towards him.

I wanted to kiss him. I need to kiss him. Lust overcame me and caused my tummy to hurt in a good way.

"Take me somewhere we can be alone" I said softly and I blushed because I was bit embarrassed.

But I was willingly to go through some embarrassment if I get to kiss him.

As soon as he heard that he lifted me up in his arms and passed the crowd around the bonfire. We made to Billy's House and we placed me softly in his bed.

I lay there waiting for him as he locked his door. I was a bit nervous but I reminded myself it was just Jacob.

He came to my side and lay there with me. "Your beautiful you know" H said pushing my hair back and running his fingers down my arm.

I felt myself blushed. "You know I love you right?" He said and I nodded.

I felt so bad. Poor Jacob, he has told me he loved me and I kept on rejecting him. I knew I had to apologize to him.

"Sorry, Jacob, that I never listened to you. I fell in love with you since the first time I met you in my living room. I never felt this way about anybody before and I was scared. Though you told me you loved me. I made a horrible mistake and ran away when I should have just talked it over with you " I said intertwined my legs with his.

I truly felt horrible, I could just imagine the pain Jacob felt. I

We were both on our sides and he just placed a hand on my hip.

"Its fine now, we are together and that is all that matters. I love you Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I want spend the rest of my existence with you" He said softly while I leaned back completely

And he was on top of me.

My breathing became heavy. The anticipation of the kiss made me nervous. Our noses brushed again and then finally our lips touched.

Our kiss was soft at first but it upgraded to a full-blown passionate kiss. It felt like it was my first real kiss.

It felt unique and beautiful. Heaven.

His tongue traced over my bottom lip and I couldn't help to moan a bit. I put my hands through his hair so I can pull him closer to me.

"Renesmee wake up" Aunt Alice called me from my dreams. I woke up sad because my dream was not real.

Why did my Jacob-dream had to be a fake? I need him so bad. A huge sense of yuck overwhelmed me.

Why? I am getting married in a day and I having dream about another man. A man who is not the man I am going to marry.

I was wrong though, I have said yes to Adam's proposal. Two months have gone by since that proposal and the wedding was going to be in a day.

We will be moving to California in month, when Adam starts training. I would start college in University of San Francisco in the fall. My parents will be moving out of Forks and will be moving to P.A. in the other side of the country.

I have realized things were different. My life will no longer be the same. I had to finally grow up and make adult decisions. That scared me a lot.

Adam did not even know about my vampire side. Of course I was scared, especially when he finds out the truth.

I cannot expect him to be happy when I say, "Honey, you know I am half-vampire. My relatives are vampires. Oh-yeah in reality I am in only eight years old".

When I told Jacob about the wedding he never spoke to me or looked for me since. I mean Jacob was upset that I didn't say no to Adam.

I remember that day I met Adam. The next day I went to visit Jacob at his apartment in La Push were I saw him crawl out of bed with a naked blonde girl next to him.

He would often come out on double dates with Adam and me. Where I met Lisa. She seemed nice but I thought Jacob could still do so much better then her.

Ever since I said yes to Adam wedding proposal, I have Jacob dreams all the time. Non-stop. I felt horrible because of it.

"Honey, it time to wake up and go for the wedding dress final fitting," She said happily and clapping her hands while she dance around my room.

She was more excited about my wedding with Adam then I will never be. I knew it was horrible of me to go through the wedding but I couldn't say no.

Adam was nice and loving.

"Give me a chance to take a shower and we can go," I said getting up from the bed.

She nodded and left the room. I went to take a shower and hoped to get Jacob out my mind. I cried because I was such a horrible person.

Having dreams of me kissing another man on the eve of wedding day.

Adam didn't deserve this; he deserved a girl that loved him so much more then me.

I got dressed in an old navy blue sweater with a pair of jeans. I wanted to be comfortable since I knew I was going to spend the whole day on wedding errands.

I skipped breakfast so hopefully it could help me loose a bit of weight. We drove to Port Angeles for the wedding dress fitting.

"Renesmee, the dress is fitting you big" Alice sighed in frustration.

"We already fit in for the third time. There is no more time for another fit in," The old lady said in thick Russian accent.

"Whatever. I will dress wear it as it is " I mumbled to myself and went to the mirror. I saw a huge cow in a white dress.

I sighed in frustration. I was so tired of dealing with my insecurities. I looked in the mirror and I saw the pale complexion.

I had enormous bag underneath my eyes. I barley weighted 110. I was sick again. Ever since I was proposed to, my insecurities raised again.

I wanted to take the wedding dress off. I wanted to be a child again. Where I was much happier and not make stupid life changing decision.

I sighed once more and went to the fitting room to take the wedding dress off and put in my comfortable clot

"Renesmee, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong sweetheart?" She said from behind the changing door.

"Nothing is wrong," I said putting on my jeans and huge navy blue sweater. Trying to hide the fat was hard work.

Too bad there is no way hiding the fat from the wedding dress.

"Sweetie, you are not happy. You are not happy with this wedding and you are especially not happy with yourself" She said as I opened the dressing room door. I saw worry and fear in her golden eyes.

"I don't know are you talking about" I mumbled carrying the wedding dress to counter to finally take it home.

Aunt Alice finished paying it off the rest of the wedding dress. Mom is in charge of the location of the reception. Rose was in charge of catering.

I carried the dress back to the car. "Renesmee it about Jacob isn't it" Alice said abruptly.

"Huh?" I said surprise.

"Renesmee, the only reason why you and Adam are even together is because you caught Jacob having sex with that blonde chick" She said surprised.

A thin blonde chick, the key word being thin.

"What Jacob's does or does not do is none of my business," I said opening the back door and placing my dress in the back.

"You were hurt. You don't want admit Renesmee. When you said YES you were clouded by hurt from catching Jacob with that girl. Adam is your security and your not willing to let him go. You are willing to get married as long you get to feel secure" Alice screamed at me.

Alice was right like always I am wrong.

"I am going through the wedding" I said dully and got into the car.

"She lost more weight" She mentioned my family as we entered the door. She knew I would get in trouble.

"Renesmee" MY mom gasped and she forced me to look at her. "You have to eat Renesmee," She said pulling me to the kitchen.

"Mom, I am going to get married. Married. I don't need this," I said running away from the kitchen to my room.

"Just let her go" My dad told my mom as I ran to my room. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up today and wished how things were different. I wished for a normal day in where I wasn't going to get married.

I wished I were the happiest girl in the world but I am not. I am not and its all because me.

My mom and Aunt Rose came to fix me up for my wedding. They helped me put on the dress and fixed my make up. They also did my hair and I wished I felt like a princess.

"Smile, princess" Aunt Rose said putting blush on my face.

"I am just nervous," I said giving her a half of smile.

"Honey, you can still get out of it. Adam loves you honey and wants the best for you. He is not going to be angry. As long as your happy" Aunt Rose said putting blush on my left cheek.

I knew that I was reason for my own unhappiness. I can't make him unhappy too.

"Aunt Rose, please tell Adam I need to see him," I told her she nodded and went to look for him.

Thank-god Aunt Alice convinces him to change into his tux before the wedding in the guest room downstairs.

As soon as Aunt Rose left there was a knock on the window and quickly jump to see whom it is.

"Jacob" I said opening up the window.

"Renesmee, please don't get married" He said holding my hands within his.

"Jacob" I said and I wanted to cry so bad . Wanted for him to take me somewhere far away and hide from the rest of the world.

"Please Renesmee" He pleaded as he hugged me around my waist against his body.

"I am getting married today Jacob. Adam does not deserve this," I said unwillingly pulling away from him.

I took notice this cigar and alcohol smelling clothes. There were no more killer smiles. He was extremely sad.

"I love you, Renesmee I love you!" He said pulling me into him again. "The thing with Lisa was not love, please believe that," He said as tears clouded his beautiful dark eyes.

"I do," I said kissing him in his cheek. " I believe you but unfortunately its too late" I said kissing his other cheek.

He kissed my nose and I brushed my forefingers lightly in his copper tone cheek.

"Please find happiness," I said as hugged him tightly. I couldn't imagine my Jacob is with anyone else but I wanted him to be happy.

"There is no happiness without you," He said brushing my curl away from my face.

"You look beautiful," He said kissing my forehead. I started to cried as he held me into his chest.

"I wished things were different," I told him and he closed his eyes. "Me too" He gave me a final kiss in the forehead.

He left.


	13. Confessions

_**Hey, here is the next chapter as I promised I am seriously touch there were so many reviews from the previous chapters. Seriously, you guys are awesome. Don't forget to review for this one as well. Good job or what you didn't like from it? I will try to put the next chapter up by Monday. I hope you like it. I would try to put the next chapter of To Live Again up sometime in the weekend. Tell me what you think. Have lovely weekend.**_

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I heard a soft knock on the door. Adam.

"Renesmee, what's wrong?" He said from behind the door. I stood behind the door on the other side and I barley could hold the tears in. Jacob was gone.

"Renesmee" He continued to knock as I sobbed away in behind the door.

"Everyone is waiting for us in the church. I told them to leave the driver with us so you can go to the church and I will go in my car… It just me Renesmee, talk to me " He pleaded and that when I decided to open the door.

He entered the door and he just came to hug me. "We are not doing this anymore" he said in rough voice and I looked up to his eyes. His eyes were filled with sadness.

I couldn't do this to him. I just couldn't no matter how much I "love" Jacob. I couldn't. I wouldn't hurt anybody this way.

"Adam, everything is ready. Everything. Lets go to the church," I said wiping my tears and holding his hand leading him out my door.

"Stop it Renesmee!" He said in loud voice. Adam has never spoken to me in that way. He was never raised his voice or even when we had our small disagreements.

I stood frozen. "I heard everything between you and Jacob" He explained while he held my hands in his.

My tears swelled in my eyes. " I never meant to hurt you," I said in a weak and cracked voice.

"Honey, its not your fault. I had been blind for so long. You never truly belong to me. You always belong to him. I finally realized that now," He said pulling me in and hugging me.

He took off my veil and put it to the side. "We are not doing this anymore" He said softly kissing my hair.

"Adam" I said softly. I wanted to make sure he wanted to cancel the wedding. If he changed his mind, I will still marry him.

"Go find him" He said kissing me. I looked up and I was unsure of what he meant.

"Go find Jacob… He is the love of your life, Renesmee. Never be afraid to love him," He said kissing me my forehead.

I was frozen of this mixed waved of emotions that I was feeling. My ex-husband to be was telling me to go find Jacob.

"Adam, my family and your family. Everyone is in the church, they deserve an explanation," I said pulling away from him.

" I will go to the church and cancel the wedding. You go find him" I looked at him unsure of what he meant.

Damn it. Adam was such a nice person he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve been stood up at the day of the wedding.

"Renesmee" He said quickly pulling me from my room and taking me down the stairs. He pulled me until we got near the cars. The driver looked at us as if we were crazy.

He pulled out the keys of the Volvo and handed them over to me. "Go find him" He said kissing me a final time on the lips.

"Adam, Thank-you so much. I wished things would have worked out better between us two," I said kissing his right cheek.

"Just go," He said closing his eyes. I knew how hard it must have been for doing this. I thanked him since I knew he was the only who could take me out of this wedding.

He deserved better then me. He deserved someone who loved him.

I saw him go with the driver and headed to the church. I went to find Jacob.

Where could Jacob even be? I wondered to myself where I drove my way to La Push. As I drove my way to La Push, I stopped as I saw a familiar place.

The place where Jacob has taken me during the time I started to date Adam. His secret place, the place where his mother use to take him all the time.

I quickly got off the car and headed to the place. It was difficult to walk because the wedding dress kept getting caught in the branches and I was wearing high-heels.

Closer to the place I saw Jacob's car.

I walked in and I saw him. A pack of beer was in his hands and drinking a can of beer. He was sitting at the edge of the cliff.

"Jacob, please don't be so close to the edge" I said to him scared for his safety. If he was drunk, he could loose balance and fall over.

I shuddered at that thought of Jacob falling and walked closer to him.

"What are you doing here?" He said as he finished a can of beer. He had two more in the pack.

He held the empty can of beer in his hand and threw over the cliff. Soon afterwards he pulled out another can of beer to keep on drinking.

"Can you please stop drinking?" I said sitting in the edge of the cliff. I was terrified but Jacob did not seem like he wanted to get up.

"Don't you have a wedding to go to?" He said bitterly. He took a huge gulp of the beer can and I figured there was hardly any left.

He was downing every can of beer he had. Before he took the other beer can in my hands and opened it.

I took a huge gulp from it and shuddered when I felt it go down my throat. "Why did you have to do that?" He said angrily. I knew he wasn't drunk; after all he was a werewolf.

"Because I don't want you to drink more than you had already," I said drinking from the can again. I drank to the finish the beer this time.

"I don't know why you even care. Don't you have a wedding to go to?" He said turning and facing me.

I shook my head no. "Why" He said getting up from the edge and he held out a hand for me. He helped me got up.

"Adam canceled the wedding," I said cleaning the dress. "You don't seem upset"

"I feel bad for him. He was a nice guy, he didn't deserve this," I told him while we just stood there and then I realized that it started to rain.

Stupid Forks weather.

He softened up and ran his hand through my hair. My hair was ruined and my make up as well.

I had to be honest to him. I had to tell him the truth.

"I love you Jacob," I said to him. He gave me one of his half-smiles that I love so much. Those always make my heart melt.

"I love you too," He said. He looked lovely under the rain. Sexy. Seeing all of his hair get wet and the shirt sculpted his abs just wonderfully. I want him so bad.

He leaned in and we finally kissed. Kiss for real this time. It was much better my dreams. 100% better then my then dream.

I need him. My kisses were urgent and passionate. His were the same. It felt like heaven. We pulled away and I chuckled as I leaned into his chest.

Where he placed his hands on my hips and kissed my wet hair. Suddenly he lifted me up and spins me around as I laughed.

As he pulled me down from the spin he crushed his lips to mine.

"You do not know how long I waited to have you here with me" He said kissing me in my nose.

"I am so sorry. I have made such a mess of things," I said pulling away from him turning my back towards him.

He pressed his body to my back and removed my wet hair to kiss my neck.

"We are together now, that all I care about" He whispered in my ear.

I turned over to kiss him and wrapped my hands around his neck.

"As much as I don't want this to end but we are soaking. I don't want you to get sick," He said giving me a short kiss.

"I won't," I said chuckling to myself.

"Come on, we need you to get you dry" He said holding my hand to get to the car.

"Jacob you are not driving that car" I said preventing him from getting to the driver's seat.

"Why?" He asked.

"Maybe because you drank a whole pack of beer" I exclaimed.

"Actually I only drank 5. Well you so kindly finished the 6th one" He said teasing me and pulling my body towards him. He placed his hands on my hips.

"Well, I didn't want you to get drunk" I said blushing, as I felt stupid.

"Honey, I am a werewolf, it takes a lot more than 5 beers to even get me tipsy" He said kissing my nose.

"Well, that is so nice to know"

"You want to go back to your home so you can change" He asked curiously.

"No, anything but home. I can't face my parents right now." I said quickly as I started to feel cold.

"You can come home with me if you want. You can shower and change into some spare clothing I have," He said shyly.

I knew why though. I knew he wasn't instituting that he wanted to sleep with me.

"I like that idea" I said, as I blushed even more. Jacob was the only person in world who has been able to get me to blush.

As we arrived to his apartment my heart was fluttering. I was nervous. I am unsure why I was so nervous.

He held my hand as we walked up the stairs to his apartment.

I looked at a mirror that he had in the entrance and I was startled to see who I saw in the mirror.

I looked horrible. My make-up was all smudged, my hair was wet and frizzy, and white dress was stained all over the place.

I felt Jacob come from the back and pressing me against him again. The lust for him grew.

"You look beautiful," He said in a deep rough voice. "Yeah right" I scoffed and I turned around to see Jacob looking at me seriously.

"You never see how beautiful you actually are," He said moving my hair to back of my ear. He kissed me hard.

I felt myself feel embarrassed. I hated receiving compliments, which was stupid. It's probably because I felt so unbeautiful and not perfect all the time.

Lets face vampires are beautiful and perfect. I am only half-vampire so that meant I am half-beautiful and half-perfect. See the math.

Perfection was something I tried to achieve so badly but never accomplished. I often I felt that I was so far way from perfection.

I was secretly terrified. Gain weight were the two words that I hated with a passion. I told myself that I was already too thin but my brain did not believe it. When I saw myself in the mirror I saw a fat girl.

"Are you hungry?" He asked me kissing my nose. I wanted to be honest with him so I said yes.

I haven't eaten anything in the last 3 days.

"I will cook you something while you go change your clothes. Come here" He said pulling me along with him.

"Here " He said pulling me into what seemed as a Guest Room. He walked over to the closets and looked for something in it.

He gave a black pair of shorts and white t-shirt. I looked at it suspiciously and he kissed me saying it was his sisters.

"My sister comes and stays here time to time" He mentioned and pulled me along to his room where the bathroom was.

I noticed there were alcohol bottles and beer cans all over the place. He was nervous and he said " Sorry for such a mess"

"I never knew you drank that much" I said softly not trying to sound like I was nagging him.

"I don't. I just felt bad." He said hugging me and I placed my head in his chest. " I felt like I was loosing you. That made me crazy so I just dealt with it by drinking. I Know its bad but I need a distraction" He explained to me in whispers in my ear.

I looked at him and I kissed him passionately. My poor Jacob. I have really hurt him by being with Adam.

"Jacob, I am sorry. I was just so confuse and I am very impulsive at times. I don't know why I do the things I do more than half of the time," I said shaking my head.

"Ness, no more apologizing" He said kissing my hair. "Just go take a shower and I will cook us dinner"

He said and that when I realized what time it was. 5 p.m. I didn't realize how much time flew by.

"I need to call my parents, Jake," I said worried as I look at the time. He nodded and went to get the phone for me.

I dialed the number and my mom answered the phone anxiously. "Renesmee, honey!"

"Mom, I am so sorry about the wedding, I should have canceled it sooner" I said

"Adam is heart-broken Renesmee. This is one of the most irresponsible things you could have ever done. Where are you?" She asked

Jacob held my hand, as I knew I looked guilty. "I know mom. GUESS WHAT! You telling it about it is not making me feel better. I am staying over at a friend's house, mom. I can't go back home. Please understand," I said looking at Jacob.

"Renesmee" Mom as I knew she was against it.

"Bye, mom. I will be home tomorrow," I said closing my eyes and hang up the phone. Jacob just pulled me for a hug. Home.

"Ugh, I wish I could just make everyone happy" I said against his chest.

"Are you happy Renesmee? With me right now?" He asked me. I knew if I said no he would tell me to go back to Adam. I didn't want to though. I wanted to be with Jacob.

"Of course, Jacob. Always" I said placing a soft kiss in his lips.

"Really" He whispered, as he was surprised.

"Jacob, you are the only who has made me truly happy" I said looking at him. He gave me a half-grin.

"Go get clean up" He said remembering that I was in need to shower.

I went to take a shower and I got cleaned up. I took off my ruined strapless wedding dress and replaced with the clothes that Jacob gave me. The white t-shirt was big on me and the shorts were a bit small.

Small in length, the shorts were barley covering few inches of my thighs.

I felt much better after the shower. He was there cooking in the kitchen. I noticed he put some basketball shorts and a plain white tee on as well.

"So you know how to cook?" I said entering the kitchen.

He looked at me as my beauty or something mesmerized him. The sparkle that existed in Jacob's eyes was so unique. Then I saw his eyes darken and become dark.

I chuckled nervously as I got closer to him. "Need any help?" I asked as I stood next to him.

He let go of the pasta spoon and cleaned his hands with the kitchen towel. He placed his hands in my hips and kissed me.

Our kisses were so hungry and passionate that I placed my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me.

Then he lifted me up and placed me in the kitchen counter. I parted my legs as he could stand between them.

I moaned as I felt his tongue explore every corner of my mouth. Then I suddenly got the urge for more. I wanted Jacob.

That was a new feeling for me. Lust.

I never felt that for anyone but Jacob. Not even Jason or Adam. Jacob was different. His kisses were like a drug and I was the addicted. I couldn't get enough of him.

He pulled back slowly. I wonder if I did something wrong.


	14. Forever and Always

_**Hi guys! I am soooooo sooorrrryyy about not putting up the chapters in a timely fashion. I will posting up the next one soon. Thanks for those who review and sorry for not replying back but I want to let you know that I greatly appreciate you reviewing. Well, in this chapter you get a more inside look at Edward's mind and what are his motives behind his crazy reactions towards Ness. He loves Renesmee so much but get very anxious because he doesn't know how to help her. Please Review! Tell me good or bad job? I am behind in To live Again and I will posting the next chapter up soon as well. I will spend all night writing if I have to. Oh yeah, YAYYYYY Eclipse comes out tomorrow! WHooo HOOO WHo else is excited ? **_

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"Ness" He said panting. I was worried of what was he going to say that I stood quiet.

"We have to …take things slow," He said kissing my nose.

"I don't want to take things slow," I said softly and a bit of shame but I didn't care. I felt the amount of lust I had for Jacob increase by every second he was with me.

"I don't want you to regret anything," He said with kisses between every word.

He was so sweet. Those made me want him even more. I knew that I would never regret anything that I did with Jacob. For some unexplainable reason I trusted Jacob blindly.

With Jason I questioned every kiss, hug or step I ever made with him. Jacob in the other hand he would tell me to jump out of the plane without the parachute and I will be safe, I believe him.

It's the trust that I never had with anyone before.

"I will never regret you," I said kissing his cheek.

He placed a soft kiss in my lips before helping get off the kitchen counter.

At first as he served me the pasta plate, I just stared at it. I kept thinking how much calories the pasta had and that I was going to gain weight.

Then I found the courage to not listen to my mental calorie calculator and made shut up. Jacob did not know about my eating disorder. It something so embarrassing and I hoped that he would never found about it.

New fears arose when I thought that maybe Jacob would think I am weird or crazy. Would he understand that part of my past? Or will he think I am a crazy person?

"Nessie is something wrong?" He said as he stared at me. I didn't notice that I was just staring at my pasta plate for a long time.

"No, Jacob. Nothing is wrong," I said grabbing the fork and putting the pasta in my mouth.

We ate dinner peacefully and talking with him. He was actually a good cook. Then we ended making out in the couch for a while. That is something I could actually get use to.

I could just imagine living my life with him. I could see this as daily routine. Having personal time with Jacob daily. That idea brought a smile to my face.

"You have powers?" He said surprised as we laid on the couch talking. I nodded my head and smile.

"I actually have two so far. I have the power to project my thoughts and shield," I said happily.

"So far? Are you expecting to have more powers?" He said surprised as he tightens his grip around my waist.

"Well, I originally only grew up with the power of projection. Then around the physical age of 9 I grew into the power to shield" I explained

"Why shielding and projection?" He asked. I guess he did not know about my mother's power of shielding. IF they were such great friends before why didn't he know this?

"My mom has the power of shielding. Grandpa thinks that my mom and maybe my dad passed it down to me. He theorizes that I might be getting my dad's power or a part of my dad's power. As for the power of projection, it is something that came from me," I said happily.

"Show me something"

"What do you want me to show you?" I asked as I held my palms up in the air.

"Things you love" He said kissing my cheek.

Then as I put my hands on either side of his cheek, I projected just that.

Things I love: pink, stars, night, ballet slippers, dance, sunset, the scent of promgrants, chocolate, strawberries, mangos, my family and finally him.

He sighed and said, "That was beautiful. Just beautiful"

"Do you like having powers?" He asked as stroke my hair.

"It depends actually. Well, growing up I hated being half human and half vampire" I confessed to him.

"Why?" He asked seriously.

"Well, I had no one that I could relate too. I had no one that knew what it meant to grow up so quickly in such a short amount of time. When I was growing up I was always put under observations and I couldn't hang out with people my age. If I had one my growth spurt, people will know that I was not fully human," I explained to him while he kissed my hair.

"How do you feel about it now?" He said looking at me seriously in eye. I knew he suspected something.

"Its okay, I guess. I mean now that I would stay like this for the rest of my existence" I said softly as I got this weird wave of nausea. I expected this to happen.

After not eating for 3 days and then you suddenly eat. It affects you weirdly. I started to feel light headed. I just leaned into his chest and count my breaths.

"Are you okay?" He asked me softly in my ear.

"Yeah" I said closing my eyes.

"Are you sure?" He said placing a soft kiss in my neck.

I shook my head yes.

"You look very tired" He said grabbing a side of my face.

"I am," I admitted to myself. As I said that he gently picked me up and carried me to his room.

"Where you going" I asked as I saw him leave my side.

"To the other room"

"No, stay here" I said patting the side of the bed for him.

He look hesitant and I pushed it a little further. "Please" He took off his shirt and went above the covers.

"Come under the cover" I said whispering to his ear.

"Please?" I said and he listened to me. Though I thought about it he doesn't need covers and he is a werewolf.

Jacob seemed nervous so he kept his distance. I need to be with him. Feel him.

I twined my legs with his and pressed myself up to his body.

"You are making impossible for me to take things slow" He said in whispers in my ear teasing.

"Maybe we shouldn't take slow" I said twined my legs even more with his legs.

"Some other day" He said placing his hands in my hips as I leaned into his chest.

"Defiantly" I said to him as I gave him a final kiss in his cheek and fell asleep.

For the times in months I had a very good night sleep. I think it had to do with Jacob being in my side. He kept the bad dreams away. He was my dream catcher.

Dreams were peacefully and colorful. They were beautiful. Truly beautiful.

I woke up and I saw Jacob's face near mine. That caused me to smile. I saw how the sun beaming in through the window reflected to his copper tone skin. Beautiful.

I leaned into kiss him. I figured he needs his sleep that I unwillingly pulled away and ahead to the kitchen to pick up the dishes that we left yesterday out.

Suddenly I felt his hand tug me down back besides him and him chuckling. He pulled me in closer and said, "I need another kiss like the one you gave me before so I can survive through the day".

I saw a smile appear in his face. He started chuckling.

"You been awake" I said accusing him.

"For a half an hour" He said kissing me. "I been watching you sleep" He added like if he knew what I was going to ask him.

"That must have been very boring," I said blushing. I was a bit embarrassed.

"Interesting" He said kissing my nose.

"I doubt it," I said in a soft voice as he placed kisses along my neck. Slow… I said slowly.

"Jacob" I said sighing. "You are making it hard for me to take is slow"

"You do that to me all the time" He said smiling as he placed a final kiss in the center of my neck.

I just gave him a shy smile and I blushed. I kicked the covers since it was getting unbearably hot under the covers.

"Sorry" He said

"Why?" I said asking him.

"It my fault your hot. You see my body runs at 108 degrees and if you are near me…" he explained.

"You are hot," I said. As soon as I said that Jacob chuckled and held me closer.

I blushed, as I knew that it could have been taken in it two ways.

"I love it when you blush" He said softly as he kissed my lips. The kiss rudely interrupted when the phone rang

Jacob sighs loudly and picked up the phone that was next to him.

"Jacob Black hand the phone to my daughter right now" My dad growled. He sounded furious.

"Edward calm down" Jacob said as he gripped me tighter against him.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" He yelled. I could just imagine his stone like face yelling.

"Jacob, just hand me the phone" I whispered and kissed his cheek. "I can handle it," I said finally

"Father" I said softly and seriously.

"Don't you father me?" My dad roared.

"Can you please stop yelling?" I said to the phone.

"Renesmee CARLIE CULLEN you are in no conditions to ask me anything" He exclaimed.

"Why are you so angry?" I asked as Jacob kissed my neck and I just sighed.

"COME HOME RIGHT THIS INSTANT RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN. RIGHT NOW. BEFORE I GO TO THE DOG'S HOUSE AND TEAR HIM LIMB TO LIMB" He yelled and I heard some crash against the wall.

"Father stop being so dramatic and I will be there in a few minutes," I said unwillingly pulling away form him and getting up from the bed.

I hung up the phone before he started yelling again. " I have to go," I said to Jacob as he got up from the bed and came to my side.

He kissed me as he hand went down my back and stopped at the small of my back. I went on my tippy toes so the kiss can last longer.

His hands went to my backside and picked me up to put me against the wall. I wrapped my hands around his neck.

"I want to come with you," He said pulling away softly.

"NO, Jacob. My dad would get more angry seeing you there" I said kissing him in the center of his neck.

He let me down slowly and kissed me a final time. " I will call you as soon as I can" I said kissing him.

"What are you going to do with your mmm wedding dress?" He said pointing at it.

I looked at briefly and I knew I had to get rid of it. I picked the wedding dress and realized how it was torn and ruin.

"I have to throw it away," I said as I sighed. I realized that the dress was a sign of how much damaged I made. My parents had a good reason why to angry towards me.

I grabbed the ruined dress in my hands and looked at Jacob.

"Nessie do you regret not going though it?" HE asked me softly and sadly.

I nodded my head no. "Never. Jacob the only thing I regret is not being honest with Adam from the beginning. Hurting him the way I did. Other than that. Yesterday and today have been the best day of my life," I said softly.

"Mine too. I love you Renesmee Carlie Cullen don't ever forget that" He said softly against my lips.

"Me too Jacob Black. Me too" I said with a smile.

Afterwards I quickly grabbed the high heels that went along the wedding dress and left Jacob's house.

I promised him I would call him as soon as I can. I was scared to confront my parents but hey I had to do it sooner or later.

"Renesmee" Grandma Esme came quickly to hug me as I parked the car in the garage.

"Grandma…How mad are they?" I said with a bit of fear in my tone.

"Pretty upset sweetheart. But don't worry everyone is here by your side" She said as she held my hand within hers and companied me to the living room.

"RENESMEE CULLEN. YOU HAVE LOTS OF EXPLAINING TO DO" My father said as soon as I walked into the door.

"Dad, I didn't want marry Adam. I wasn't in love with him. I am in love with Jacob and I realize that now. Adam found about Jake and he called off the wedding," I explained softly.

"Renesmee how dare you play with Adam's feelings like that?" My mom said furiously.

"We have taught you better than that" My father included furiously as well.

"You had but I was confused and hurt. I am sorry," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Renesmee I don't give a damn if you are sorry or not. Adam was devastated and you are there playing werewolf girlfriend with that dog" My mom said disgusted.

"Don't say that mom and don't insult Jacob. He is your friend," I yelled.

"Renesmee, do you think it appropriate for you to go out with him" Dad said and I was shocked.

"Dad, I see no problem. Why wouldn't I go out with him?" I asked

"Renesmee, you went from Jason to Adam to Jacob. You were in a serious relationship with both and came to close to marriage. I feel that you should take some time off boys," My mom suggested and I look at her with disgusts.

'Mom, I am not leaving Jacob. I am finally happy with him. Really happy why can't you just accept that?" I said crying.

"Renesmee stop it and wipe the drama tears. Go to your room" My father said rudely.

Grandma was there and she gave a sweet I am sorry look. She hugged me tight and whispered these words " I am going to talk to them".

I nodded and gave her a sweet kiss in the cheek.

I carried the wedding dress and the high heels in with my rooms too. I took out a huge garbage bag and threw the wedding dress and high heels in there.

As I threw away I noticed something that I should have give back to Adam. The engagement ring, it no longer belongs to me. It seemed rude for me to keep it.

I took it off and placed in my pink beaded jewelry box on top on mirror stand. I have to get back to him as soon as possible.

"Renesmee, can I please come in" My mom said but she sound more calm.

"Yes" I said as I quickly went to sit down in my bed.

"Renesmee, I have to talk to you" She said sitting down in front of me.

"Renesmee I am sorry that we came on to you like a pair of hungry vampires. We are so sorry for that. We know that you would never intentionally hurt Adam"

"I wouldn't. If it weren't for Adam right now we would be off to the Bahamas. I was willing to go through it but he knew I didn't love him" I said sadly.

"So he called off the wedding" Mom finished saying and I just nodded.

"He truly loved you" Dad said coming in.

" I am sorry" He said sitting down beside mom.

"Don't really I deserve it" I said sighing

"Renesmee we have to work on communication as a family. You see us yelling and fighting, won't help us, it will only hurt us as a family. I want to tell you something I haven't told you" Dad said seriously.

"What?" I said curiously.

"You see every time I see you in pain or hurting, I go through like a crazed phase. I see you slip through my hands and I feel horrible because I can't help you" He sighed and looked at my mom. She held her hand tightly as if she was there for mortal support.

"Dad you can't save me from every pain" I said with tears in my eyes.

He sighed and looked at my mom. "I should have, especially from one" He said with a stone like face.

I stared at his golden eyes and I knew if he could cry he would be sobbing right now. I saw such pain and agony. Did I cause this?

"Which one?" I asked him curiously.

"I should have been able to help you with your eating disorder" He said and I was shocked.

"Dad, that is my battle. Mine, not yours or mom's, nobody's expect mine" said with a cracked voice.

"Honey, you are never by yourself. We are always here for you" My mom said pulling me into a tight hug.

"I love you" I said softly whispering into her chest.

"Forever" She said

"And Always" My father said joining in the hug.

"What about Jacob?" I asked nervously as my father debated with himself internally.


	15. Hold On

_**Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter, its has a bit more of Jacob and Nessie and her family. I hope you guys like the story line with Nessie's eating disorder. I know its different and I am worried that you guys might not like it because its a bit tiring. Nessie is going from being okay to not okay to good and bad again with her eating issues but Jacob will help her through it. SO just hold on. Ohhh have you seen eclipse? it was awesome right? Sorry, for not posting TO live again chapter. I have to organize my writing time better. I promise I will be super busy writing this week. SO enjoy and thanks so much for those who reviewed. Please Review! Love you guys tons.!**_

* * *

"Yeah what about me?" Jacob said entering my room through the window. A small smile appeared in my face as my dad growled.

"Dad seriously doesn't get mad. We were having such a beautiful family moment why ruin it " I said as I walked over to Jacob.

"Come on Edward" My mom, said nudging my father in the shoulder.

"Sweetie, we accept your relationship with Jake but…" My mom said as my dad rudely interrupted her and said

"No Sex" He said pointing a finger at me and I just became red as a tomato. This was an embarrassing moment.

"Dad" I whined and I said" Can I please have a moment alone with him?" I said to my dad pointing the way to the door.

"Come on Edward" My mom said as she blew me a kiss and held dad by the hand to drag him to leave.

"Remember the one rule," My dad said as he left. Which caused me to blush even further.

"Sorry for that Jake" I said trying to prevent him from seeing my red cheeks.

"Don't be embarrassed. He is a father." He said kissing my nose.

"Really embarrassing father" I said kissing him softly in the lips.

He just chuckled.

"How come you decide to come?" I asked him trying to break the silence.

"You took to long to respond. I was worried" He said shy. I was touched.

"Things are fine. They are just worried" I said absent-minded as I looked at the window.

"Worried about what" He said wrapping his hands around my waist and made my back rubbed against his front-side.

"Things" I said hoping that he would drop the topic and talk about something else. I wasn't ready to tell Jacob about my eating disorder. I wasn't ready for him to know with that secret and tell him the complete story.

A story that not even my family knows about the complete truth about my eating disorder.

Adam didn't even know that I was recovering anorexic and bulimic and I was going to marry him.

"I know there a things you don't wish to tell me. I promise that I will always be here to listen and to be by your side" He whispered to my ear and removed my hair so it can stay in the left side of my shoulder.

He was kissing my neck. "I will earn your complete trust sooner or later".

I turn around to kiss him and I wrap my arms around him. I do trust him it just that I am embarrassed and shame of it.

Seriously, I believed that I was the fattest girl in the world, even though I just weighed 86, How I use to purge after every meal and the amount of diet pills I use to take. I was shame of my behavior.

"I do trust you, Jake. I do, it just that I don't want you to change your mind about me," I said softly against his lips.

"Nothing you could have done could make me change my mind about you," He said softly kissing my neck.

"I love you Jake," I said softly

"I love you Ness," He said roughly against my lips.

"Okay, we have stopped this. This is leading us to break the rule," He said pulling away softly.

I just laughed.

"Renesmee and Jacob come here please" I heard my grandma sweet voice calling for us.

"Come on, let's go," I said holding his hand.

"Lunch is ready," She said pointing at the table. I sat down and I just looked at the food. I didn't even realize that I haven't eaten yet today.

I looked at the food and the little voice resurfaced. "This food must have at least 1000 calories. You are going to blow up like elephant. Jake can have any girl he wants and you think he going to settle for the fat girl" I sighed and took long deep breathes.

"Come-on! I can do this. Just eat the burger and the fries. Come-on I can do this" I repeated to myself.

I looked over at Jake, who happily was eating his burger. Why I couldn't I be like that?

Grandma looked me with the saddest expression ever placed on her face. I knew she was going to tell Grandpa and I am going to go to therapy with him again.

Weight-ins and food watch. Great!

"Ness, is something wrong" Jake said looking at me. I just looked at Grandma. She was heart-broken. I knew the pain I caused my family when I did this. But I can't help feeling this way. I want to get better, I really do but this stupid voice doesn't let me.

I caused them infinite amount of pain and I don't even know how to even start asking for forgiveness.

"I will eat this later. I need to sleep right now," I said pushing the plate away from me and running away from the kitchen to my room. I lay down in my bed and cover myself up.

"Renesmee" Jacob said knocking on my door.

"Come in" I said hugging my pillow as I lay down.

He went walking around my bed to hug me from behind.

"You know I love you no matter what" Jake said kissing my neck.

"I hurting people over and over again. I wish I could just stop doing that. Can I just tell you something?" I said as I turned over and placed my head on his chest.

"Sure" he said running his hands through my hair. I hesisate telling him the truth but I knew he wasn't dumb. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is wrong.

"I have eating issues," I said trying to be least specific as possible. I took a deep breath" I mean, I am getting better but there are just days where I feel like I can't do it anymore" I said hopeless.

"I am here by your side always. Trust me. We will get through this," He said softly in my hair.

"Thank-you" I said with a little hint of hope in my voice. I love him for being so understanding. He was perfect.

"Come with me" I said getting up from the bed and headed to the kitchen again. She was placing my plate in the microwave.

"This that my food?" I asked her and she sadly nodded.

"It's a bit cold," She added as I looked at the food in the microwave. I could do this. I said to myself over and over again.

Jacob must have seen my inter conflict and held my hand tighter. I put in for a minute and I just focus on my breathing.

I grabbed the plate and poured myself a full glass of water. I sat down in the chair in front of the kitchen table and Jacob sat beside of me.

Grandma Esme asked Jacob if wanted more food and he accepted it. Soon afterwards Grandma left to be with Grandpa in the main house.

I just took it bite by bite and I felt better. Of course I was still a bit more hesitant but I felt good.

He wrapped his hands around my waist when I was placing our plates in the sink. I would wash them later.

The suddenly Jacob's phone rang and he answered it. I heard something about a game, bonfire and soccer. I wasn't very sure what that was all about.

"There is an bonfire tonight and party afterwards. I was wondering if you want to come " I just want to be with him and spend as much time as possible with him.

"Yeah of course" I said happily

"Well, it's at 7. You have 5 hours" He said looking at this phone. I smiled and my parents came in.

"I hope we are not interrupting anything" My dad said suspiciously. I just gave him a look.

"Dad" I said about to complaint.

"Edward, I wanted to ask you to give Renesmee permission to go out tonight" He said very formally. I was surprised to see how formal he was.

"Don't come back to late" He said with a half-a smile.

"We won't " I said as I pulled him into my room. Jacob looked around my room and said "Let me guess, what your favorite color is" as he looked around my things.

I blushed. I love the color pink since I was little. Then he held something I haven't seen in a while, my pointe shoes.

"Ballet?" He said in questioning tone. I nodded. "They seem more like a torture device" He said as he pointed them downwards.

I nodded in agreement. I use to get blisters all the time, while I was on them.

"Why go through the pain?" He asked

"Its beautiful you see. To able to stand up like if you were flowing in the air. When dancing I felt like if I was an angel coming from heaven" I said as I remembering dancing in my younger years.

"How long have you not dance for?" He said putting the shoes away.

"About 2 years" I said

"Do you miss it?" He asked curiously and I nodded my head yes. I missed all the time. I miss feeling like an angel in heaven.

"You could always go back" He said holding his hands around my hips. "No, it too late. I will be too out a shape. I have gotten old ankle sprains that I haven't fully healed" I said looking at my feet.

I said as remember how much pain I use to be in. My injuries never healed because of my eating disorder. A side effect of the illness, my bones are weak. Grandpa Charlise says that Anorexia has other long-term effects as well. For instance, other long-term effects are anemia, infertility, and missing menstrual cycle.

"Hold on here" I said wrapping my arm around his neck. "You are always asking me questions but I never ask you questions" I said kissing the center of his throat.

"What do you want to ask?" He asked a bit nervously.

"Mhmm" I said playfully.

"How long have you known you are werewolf?" I asked as I remember I didn't know much of his supernatural side.

"A bit more than 8 years" He said kissing my cheek. Then he lead me to sit down to this mini sofa I had in my room. He semi-laid down in the couch and I semi- laid on top of him.

"How was it the first time?" I asked

"It was scary and painful. I thought I was sick but then I just felt pain all over my body. I was sweaty and feverish. I thought I was going to die" He said into my hair.

"Did everyone had to go through the same thing" I could just imagine how poor Jacob must have gone through.

When people become a vampire, they go through excruciating pains in the first days of the change. Then the afterwards the thirst is intolerable and painful as well.

"Yes" He said kissing my head.

"Do you like it?" I said as I remember how much I hated being half vampire and half human.

I hated it with a passion. Changing all the time not being able to be normal. It was horrible.

"Not really but I have grown to tolerate it over the years" He said

"So you wish you were a human?" I said tying to understand what he meant.

"No. I actually wish things were the same. I wouldn't change anything in the world" He said with a happy voice.

I looked up and I asked why. "Whatever I went through or haven't through brought me to you" He said and I looked at him.

I was touched and I reached up and forward to kiss him softly in the lips. He brought his hands to the small of my back and kept them there.

"I love you" He whispered and I just kissed him.

"Slow remember" He said kissing me. I nodded as I straddled his hips and kept on kissing him.

At first I felt a bit self-conscious about my weight. But, I was too aroused to even pay that much attention to it.

He put his hands on my hips firmly. "Renesmee" He said out of breath.

"Yes?" I answered between kisses.

"Sweetheart, we have to—stop" He said breathless and panting. I gave him a few kisses and went to pull away.

Then I got off his hips as I went to his left side. Then he just spooned me and kiss my neck.

"You can't tell me to stop and then do that to me. It's not fair" I said between breaths. I am trying not to pay much attention to the amazing feeling in my neck.

"Sorry" He said as he placed a final kiss on my neck. We took a nap together and then as I went to get ready he went to see my mom and dad.

I got ready quickly as possible. I tried to avoid the mirror as much as possible. If I felt to self-conscious I would never finish getting ready.


	16. Incidents

_**Hey guys! How are you? Well, guys here goes another chapter. I hope you like it. Thank-you for all those who review. Thank-you i appreciate more than you think. I get nothing but good reviews from you guys and that makes me happy. I wish I could work on the chapters more and make them perfect but sadly, I don't have the time too. I will try to do them the best I can. So, I was thinking it would be nice if you review and I give a sneak peek of the next chapter?So review and I will give you a teaser. In this chapter, you another sneak peek of Nessie's past. Trust me there will be more to it when she tells Jacob. She will tell Jacob when she trust him completely. So enjoy and let me know what you think.**_

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"Have her back home at a decent time" My dad said looking at the living room grandfather clock at the corner.

I let go of Jacob's hand because I was getting annoy by now. My father still treats me anymore. like I am child and I almost got married yesterday.

Hello, doesn't that mean I am not a child anymore.

"Drop it father. I will be back home safe and sound. Don't worry," I said bothered as I hugged my mom.

"Renesmee-" My father was about to complain. "Stop it! I am tired of you always treating me like a child. I am old enough to make decisions for myself. So just cool it," I said angrily as I gave him a quick hug.

I walk quickly from my parents' puzzled faces as Jacob chuckled. I stared at him and he gave me a quick kiss in the forehead.

"You sure told them," He said opening the car door for me. "They anger me sometimes" I said letting go of deep sigh of frustrations.

"They are your parents, they are suppose to be overprotective," He said like I knew. He always defending them.

"I am suppose to be the hormonal trouble making bratty teenager who always fights and goes against them, " I said

"Exactly" He said laughing as he kept driving to La Push.

"I hate it though. I mean I feel bad afterward" I said sighing and looking at the night stars.

"You have a good heart" He said tracing my hands with his forefinger.

* * *

I didn't know if I agree with him. Every time people tell me about being sweet or good, I remember Carol.

I should have been able to save her. Selfishness didn't permit me to seek help for her. Within my own fears, I wanted to do what was best for her but I couldn't. I didn't want to gain weight. I didn't want to turn myself in.

There was nothing sweet or good in me. Especially since it was my fault my best friend died. I almost died afterward but for some weird reason I didn't.

My immortality was almost non-existent that day. I remember shaking and barley taking a step without stopping to rest. I didn't know why I thought I could go to my dance recital.

But I made to my dance recital. I took off my sweatpants exposing my leotard and tight.

I was cold and dizzy in the dressing room. Josh was there stretching and reviewing the choreography.

I wanted to go to sleep forever and never wake up again "Are you okay, Nessie" Josh said holding my shaking hand within his. I nodded softly and said, "Yes".

"Nessie you need help. You are freezing, pale and so thin" He said hugging me and I pulled away.

"I am fine. I just need to rest after this" I said softly looking at my lifeless brittle hair.

"Yes you will because we both need to be ready for Complexions" HE said happily and I nodded.

My dreams were to enter Complexions Dance Company. The recruiters were here today. Today was my audition to Complexions. Everything depended on today's performance.

I took a deep breath.

"To Live the Dream" He said right before we both have to present our chorography.

"To Live the Dream" I said weakly. I felt as I floating on air and there was no gravity. There were Black spots around me and I just shook my head so I can try to see clearly.

It was impossible though. The spots came out more as the song started. It was time for the first lift and I couldn't maintain my position. Darkness surrounded me and I couldn't speak anymore.

* * *

My heart started fluttering as we continued to approach; I was going to meet Jacob's pack brothers. Well, I mean I met them before but not me being Jacob's girlfriend.

"Nervous?" He asked sweetly as He Park the car in front of his house. "A bit" I admitted as I got out of the car.

"Don't worry honey, they have to be nice. I am the alpha," He said jokingly as he held my hand within his.

"That sounds reassuring," I said as I rolled my eyes at him. He just chuckled.

Seth ran towards me as I approached walking to the beach. "Ness, I am so glad to see you," He said pulling me into a bear hug.

Jacob did a small control growl and he immediately put me down. "I didn't mean anything by it" He said shrugging his shoulders.

He was jealous. It was nice that he was bit jealous but he has no reason to be jealous. He has and will always have my heart.

I smiled awkwardly as I stared at him.

Seth was taken back my Jacob's behavior but he wasn't surprised. It was like he knew that Jacob would have acted that way. I couldn't put my finger on it. It was like he knew something that I didn't know.

"Sorry, Jake I forgot that—" Seth started say until Jake interrupted him. "Its forgotten" He said as held my hand within his again.

Everyone was already sitting in the campfire when we got there. I sat next to Jacob and he kept my hands within his. It felt nice.

He is always going to be here with me. I listened to his tribe's stories as the others were paying attention intensively.

When Billy started talking about the cold ones, they were all staring at me. I didn't know that werewolves/ shape shifters enemies with vampires/cold ones.

I didn't know how I felt towards that. Was Jacob supposed to hate me?

I was caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't notice the people were leaving. Well, the older people were leaving and the younger ones where staying.

"Ness, is everything okay?" He asks concerned as I tried to avoid looking at his eyes.

He did his special voice. The voices that can make me do anything.

"Yes" I said leaning into his chest and I hugged him around the waist.

"Renes-" HE started to say as Embry and Seth came in just in time.

"Can you just stop with PDA and join the party?" Embry say joking around and handed me a red cup.

"Don't give her that," Jacob said with a hint of anger. He tried to take away the cup but I pulled it to the side. I was curious to try in whatever was in the cup.

"What is this?" I said smelling the cup. It smelled something fruity and strong.

" Don't tell me that never drank before" Embry said surprised.

"I have drank before but just a few sips here and there," I said remembering yesterday when I saw Jacob drinking. I started drinking too.

"Come on drink up" Embry said pulling the cup to my lips and I felt Jacob's angry glare.

" I will drink but not now' I said. I didn't want Jacob be angry with me if I am going to drink. I know he didn't mind it yesterday but I don't know why he would care today.

"Fine" Embry said and Seth handed Jacob a cup. The same one as mine but his smelled a lot stronger.

"Guys, stop stalling. Come here and Join the party," Jared said calling us over to the bonfire.

I sat down in the tree branches and I hugged Jacob. "I don't want you to be angry," I said as I notice Jacob seemed very tense.

" I just don't want anything bad to happen to you" He said kissing my forehead.

" Nothing will happen to me. It just a drink, one drink Jacob. Plus I am here with you and I know nothing will happen to me," I said kissing him softly in his lips.

He just kissed me back for a couple of seconds. Then we separated when the music started blasting and I just started chuckling.

"I love you," He whispered in my ear. "I love you too," I said quickly giving him a little peck.

"Come on Black. Beach soccer" Quil said throwing him the soccer ball and Jacob catch the ball quickly and suddenly.

"Do you mind if I play?" He asked me and I shook my head no.

"Nessie why don't you play too. I mean we could always need another player," Leah said approaching us. I didn't like the way she was. I mean she always seemed angry and hostile.

"I haven't played soccer before" I admitted getting up from my seat and stand to Jacob's side.

" I don't think that is such a good idea. People play rough," He said looking at Leah.

"We could always go easy on you. Don't worry," she said again with an evil grin. What is wrong with this girl?

"Fine, I will play" I said giving her an evil grin back.

"Renes-" He said again and I started to interrupt again.

"No its fine, Jake seriously" I said. I felt my competiveness came to life again.

"That it girl" Quil said they walked further down the beach. I walked after them but Jacob stops me.

"I want you to tell me if you want to stop playing. Don't push yourself too much" He said worriedly.

"Don't Jacob. I am fine" I said giving him a quick peck and went after Quil and Leah.

IT was a small game there were just 5 players on each team. I was on Jacob's team of course and the other team was Embry's team.

Leah of course was on Embry's team. I would be so happy if I beat her. I took off my shoes and put them to the side.

I would just run without them.

"Go Jacob" I said cheering him on. Moving forward along his side just in case he wants to pass me the ball.

Jacob was alone against 3 people and he out did them every time.

"Come on Jacob past me the ball" I said and then he looked at me and doubtful past me the ball.

I caught the ball with my heel and I brought it down. Then it was I against Leah. Leah was the defender of Embry's team.

I ran quicker and out smart Leah. I made pretend I was going to kick right and then took the ball and kicked the ball to my left.

Then it was I against Quil. I quickly analyze that he was more to the right then to the let. So I kicked the ball far left as possible and I scored.

Leah looked pissed as hell as Jacob ran to me and picked me up. Everyone kept on cheering me on through out the game.

Believe it or not my ballet experience helped me out a lot. I did all the sort type of ballet jumps and turns. I used my flexibility as well.

It wasn't easy though because Werewolves were fast and strong. They were fast as me and 3 times my strength.

Especially when they tried to steal the ball from me. I tried to use my body weight against them but it was impossible.

They were huge and heavy. They pushed me very easily but I tried to use my body against them but I couldn't.

There was one time where Embry came against me and shouldered me so I can loose the ball.

Once I felt that I immediately fell to the floor. Jacob came to my side to check I was all right.

Embry helped me up and said" Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it though". I just nodded and I looked at Jacob.

"Its fine, Jake" I said to him seeing that his eyes were full of concern.

I shook the pain in my shoulder off. The game was going to be over soon the game was until 5. The score was 3 to 1.

I scored one and Jacob scored twice. Embry scored once for his team. Leah was becoming more aggressive as the game went by.

Five more minutes into the second half of the game; I scored again making the game 4 to 1.

I was happy. I never have been this happy since doing a sport. Ballet made me happy but I was dedicated so I never did any other sport. I was even making a happy dance up. I was doing turns and flips around the sand.

As I did a final turn celebrating the goal, I heard Jacob's voice warn.

"Nessie" He yelled as I stop doing the turn and looked straight head. I had no time to react, as the ball was barley inches away from me.

As the ball and face made contact, I felt a huge sting and pain in my forehead. The last thing I remember is falling to the floor and darkness overcame me.


	17. Always There

Hey guys! Yay! There is another update! Well, I hope you like it. I didn't get the response of what I wanted to in last chapter because only one person reviewed. =( Well, if you like this chapter please review good or bad but please review. Good job or bad job but please be and have a good weekend! 3

"Nessie" Jacob exclaimed as I woke up from the sudden unconsciousness. I felt weird and light headed.

"What happen?" I asked as I held my head. I was in a bit of pain but nothing I cannot handle.

"Leah knocked you out," Embry said like if it was the coolest thing in the world. Jacob growled at him and Embry immediately shut up.

"Are you okay? How do you feel?" Seth asked me and I said, " Fine, just a bit lightheaded"

"Are you sure" Jacob asked me carefully and I nodded. "Let me help you up" He said and he lifted me carefully on my feet.

I felt better after a little while. Leah and Seth were fighting at the corner of the soccer field.

"Go apologize" Seth growled at her. I never seen angry, he was one of the sweetest guys I know. Leah was being stubborn as always.

I never knew what I did to her but she hated me. Ever since the first time I met her, she always stared at me like if she liked to kill me.

Well, I guess now I know why. She is a werewolf after all and I was a vampire, so I guess she is just going on instinct.

Jacob walked over to her and I walked after him. I wasn't going to make this a big deal. It was just an accident.

"Apologize to her Leah" Jacob said in a loud and angry voice.

"Jacob" I complained I didn't want an apology from her. Leah rolled her eyes and barley whispered the word sorry.

"Leah" Jacob said angrily and glared at Leah. Leah smirked and said "Sorry I knocked you on your face".

Seth and Jacob both growled at the same time. I was getting angry too. Nobody should ever talk to me that way.

"Sorry, you had to go to such low strategies just to win a pathetic game of soccer. Seriously is that important to you," I said shoving her but I barley budge her.

She growled and Seth came in the middle of both of us. "Leah can you just go home" Seth said frustrated towards her sister. Seriously, Leah can bring out the worst in people.

"Why do I have to leave? Why doesn't this bloodsucker leave?" Leah said trying to move Seth out of the way.

"Enough Leah. Go home" Jacob said angrily making me stand in the back of him. He was protecting me like always.

"What you start dating a bloodsucker and you finally decide to join the bloodsucker fan club" She said angrily trying to hit me but Seth was holding her back.

"Remember when you use to despise them. When the word vampire use to unlock a angry rage" Leah growled as I looked at Jacob surprised.

So he did hate my kind. "Fuck you Leah" He said angrily as he pulled me away from the scene.

"Jake" I said once we got near the car.

"Ness, I love you. Please believe that. Leah—" He said and I just kissed him. I wasn't angry because it was part of nature. It was in his nature to hate my kind but he didn't.

I believe that he loves me. Jacob hand held me tightly around my waist and against his body.

I pulled away from him and told him " I love you Jacob. I believe in your love too". I gave him a kiss in the center of neck.

"Thank-you" He said as if he were internally grateful. I love him. I don't know what I would do without him. I can imagine our lives together for eternity.

Shortly after Jacob dropped me off my house and I went straight sleep. I was exhausted. But I needed Jacob to fall asleep. I need his warmth and protective arms to fall asleep.

After two hours of tossing and turning, I realized it was 5 in the morning. I wanted to text Jacob but what if he was already sleeping? It would rude of me to wake him up because I can't sleep.

Just then he came in through my window. "What are you doing here " I said surprised as he came over to hug me.

" That is a nice way to greet your boyfriend," He said chuckling.

"I am just surprise to see you. But I was debating on texting you right now" I admitted shyly.

"Really" He said happily. "Why aren't you sleeping yet?" He asked me as walked me over to the bed.

" I couldn't go to sleep. I need you to go to sleep," I admitted again but I was embarrassed. I felt my cheeks become red as fire.

"I need you too. Why do you think I am here?" He said wrapping his protective arms around me. I took about five minutes after being in Jacob's arms I fell asleep.

"Nessie" Mom woke up rudely of one my Jacob's dream. I found that Jacob's is not there.

"Yes?" I asked as I directly looked for a clue where Jacob could be. I found a letter by side me.

"Carlisle wants to check what caused you pass out yesterday on the field" My mom said determined.

"What?" I said not believing how she would even know about it.

"Don't act dumb Renesmee. Carlisle is waiting for you and you have to go right this instinct," Mom said rudely pulling on my arm.

"Mom!' I yelled as she held an icy cold iron grip in my arm. "Stop it" I yelled once more as she put me on my feet and pulling me along with her.

"Bella let her go, there is no reason for acting so aggressive," Carlisle said in calm passive tone.

My mom took a deep breath and let me go. "What is going on?" I asked her and Carlisle.

"Nessie we have come to conclusion that you might be suffering from another relapse of anorexia" Grandpa said in passive but sad tone.

"Grandpa I promise you that I am okay. It just has been a tough time " I said with cracked voice.

It has been a tough time that why I was losing weight. Of course the voice was with me but I am not even thinking about compulsive exercising or diet pills.

"Renesmee we have heard that before" Grandpa said as he brought the scale out.

"Grandpa what can I prove to you that I am okay" I said pleading my mom scoffed.

"Renesmee you have said that before too. Remember right before your heart stop and almost died" My mom shrieked and was going crazy.

"I am okay. I am okay. I am okay" I said and sat in the corner. I held my head in place. " I am okay. I am okay. I am okay," I said yelling and rocking back and forth.

"Nessie" Jake's sweet voice was calling for me from my horrible nightmare.

"Jake" I said without breath and I hugged him.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked me and I just let my tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I am okay," I said wiping my tears. "Just a bad dream" I added pulling away and getting off the bed.

I looked at the clock and it was 12 in the afternoon, it's so weird my parents didn't come barging in the door.

"Where are my parents?" I said looking at my hair and carefully putting in them in a messy bun.

"Hunting. Emmett got hungry for some grizzly," He said rubbing his stomach and my stomach cue in. It growled and Jacob chuckled.

"Hungry?" He asked and he walked over to me.

Be honest. Be honest. Be honest. "Yes" I admitted softly.

"Good because I am too" He said wrapping his hands around my hips and kissed me.

"I love you" he said softly and kisses me around my neck.

"I love you too," I said kissing him softly and I pulled way unwillingly so we couldn't break the one rule.

I normally just settled for cereal but Jacob's appetite is bigger then mine.

"Wants some eggs and bacon," I suggested as I looked at the fridge. Jacob stomach growled again and I took that as a yes.

I cooked him some breakfast, while he was busy beside me. We occasionally stop to kiss or while I cook he would be kissing my neck.

That was not helping me concrete on making breakfast and especially staying away from Rule number one.

We ate breakfast at the table but we didn't sit at the opposite ends of the table. We put the chair next to one another and eat together. His hand never left my right leg.

"Sweetie, what do you want to do today?" He asked as I ate my final bites of cereal.

" I don't know. What do you want to do?" I said looking at him and kissing his check.

" I am good as along that I am with you," He said with a big grin and I couldn't help to smile.

We kissed for a couple of minutes and then I pulled away. I put the plates and bowls in the sink and I started to wash them.

"Why don't you let me wash them?" Jacob said as he pulled away the dish from my hand. I gasped as some of the soap fell on my face and shirt.

He started laughing and I got an idea. I got foam and water in a bowl and threw it towards him.

He stops laughing and he gasped as he felt his shirt get extremely wet.

"You going to pay for that" He said he got the handle and splash water all over my face and body.

I fought for the control of the handle and I did for a split second. I was able to wet the front part of his pants.

We both couldn't stop laughing and we both slipped on the wet floor. We both gave each other a wet soapy kiss and hug.

"I need to dry off " He said getting up from the floor and he helped me to get off as well.

"Thanks" I said as I looked at the huge mess we made. "I will help you clean it" He said "But first I need to go to the bathroom".

"Come on lets go" I said pulling him in my bedroom. I reached for the closet and got two towels.

"Where is the bathroom?" He asked quickly and I pointed the direction to the bathroom.

I kept drying off and reached for another pajamas shirt and shorts. I would shower later. I finish changing when I heard a unique ring tone. I look over to the nightstand and I saw Jacob's cell phone.

"Jake" I called out for him. I didn't know if he would mind me picking up his phone or not.

"Pick it up" He said from the bathroom.

It was a text message from Lisa.

Sweetie where are you? I surely do miss you and your sexy body. What happen Wednesday must repeat SOON. Love you always, Lisa.


	18. Reality

_**A/N: Hey y'all here goes another chapter. I hope you like it and review. There is an sneak peak of the the already written chapter. I have decide I am going to post this story Mondays and Thursdays. I know that I Haven't been constant but I am going to try to completely keep it constant. SO Review ! Good Job or Bad Job. **_

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Lisa. I knew her; she was the pretty thin blonde chick that I saw in the Auto Shop. Of course I was jealous of her. She had Jacob in the most intimate way possible and of that I was jealous of.

I sighed as I put the phone down and tried to ignore the message. "Hey who was it?" He said as he leaned down and kissed me.

"Lisa" I said with a fake smile. I was trying to not sound or seem jealous but it was hard.

"Renes-" He started to say and I nodded no. "Its fine Jacob" I sighed and walk to the kitchen.

"Ness, I could tell how upset you are right now." He said walking to the kitchen after me.

"I am not upset," I said angrily as I tried to hide any emotion that dealt with jealousy.

"Yes you are," He said kissing me suddenly. His kisses always made me feel better but this one made me feel use.

I pushed him away gently. "Don't do that Jacob," said softly. I need his kisses but not when I am upset towards him.

"Kiss you?" He said angrily moving away. "Jake, let me deal with my own emotions okay" I said grabbing the mop from the closet and trying to clean the big mess.

"Sorry" He said angrily as I ignored him and kept on cleaning.

"Talk to me" He said sighing and getting the mop from my iron grip. "Jake" I sighed as he carried me over his shoulder.

"PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT" I yelled.

"No, not until you talk to me and tell me what's wrong?" He said pulling me carefully on the bed and hovering above me.

"Jake" I said getting semi-up and then he kissed me. This time I was not upset and I pulled him in closer so the kiss can last longer.

His hands wonder from my legs to thighs to my upper thighs to my sides. I flipped us over until I was above him in between his legs.

Then I felt his hands wonder down the small of my back to my backside and stayed there. "Nessie do you mind," He asked as I stared to his black lustful eyes.

"No" I said right before I kissed him. "Tell me what's wrong?" He said pulling away.

"What do you think its wrong?" I said a bit rudely and angrily.

"I know what's wrong but I want to hear you say it," He said as I moved to the side of my bed.

"Jake, I am a bit Jealous of her and that text but I know I don't have anything to jealous for" I said sighing and admitting to my own feelings and he just hugged me.

"You don't, I swear as soon as I saw you, you became my life and my reason," He said soothing me.

"Its fine, Jake really. You are allowed to have your "Friends". " I said with a bit of jealousy.

"You are perfect. Trust me I don't want anyone but you. With Lisa" He took a big sigh. "When I found out you were getting married, I lost it. I thought my whole reason for living was gone. I didn't care anymore, I drank and partied just to forget about the pain" He admitted and took a big sighed again.

" I have slept with other girls as well as Lisa, but trust me I regret ever sleeping anyone that wasn't you. I wish I could have wait for you and that you wouldn't been my first time, but sadly I can't and—" I didn't want Jacob to feel bad for his past.

I kissed him passionately and unforgettably. I had a past too. Well, I haven't slept with anyone but I wish Jacob have been my first boyfriend and my first kiss.

"It's the past Jacob and I did hurt you when I was getting married with Adam. I was scared to love you and Adam seemed like a safe way to go. But I have to tell you something" I said seriously. Okay, this was going to be hard.

How do the hell do I tell him I am still a virgin? This was so embarrassing and I have a red face to show it.

"What?"

"I haven't "been" with anyone" I said embarrassed and in a soft whispered.

He just hugged me. "Really?" He said happily.

"Yes really" I said embarrassed.

"I thought you and Jason or Adam, have done something at least" He said happily.

"No, we haven't" I said with my tomato red face.

"I don't want you to feel that I pressuring you into anything" He said immediately.

"You aren't but you know I am wouldn't mind if we took things a bit further" I tried to say seductively but I ended up chuckling.

"Ness, we can't break the one rule and plus I want your first time to be special" He said kissing my neck.

"Jake" I gasped to feel his sweet hot breath on the side of neck. "You can't do that and still expect me to remember the one rule" I tried to say in joking manner.

"I hate the one rule "He said as he lowered his kisses down my neck and down my shirt. I felt my heart flutter and the lust I had for him increased.

"Jake" I gasped as his mouth reached the material of my bra and his lips came to reach mine again.

Then he suddenly separated from me and seconds later I knew why. Parents are home.

I fixed my shirt and I reached over to turn on my stereo. Music start blasting and Jacob was chuckling.

"I am going to shower," I said, as I knew I had to go see my parents soon. I took a quick shower and when I went back to my room, Jacob wasn't there anymore.

Honey, I will be right back okay? I need to go change my clothing and shower. Your parents are at the big house.

Love always Jacob.

That note made me smile and made me miss him. I walked over to my closet. I wondered what I should wear; I choose something simple, a pair of jeans with a black shirt.

Since I knew Jacob would take a bit longer to come over, I decided to go to the Big House anyway.

"She loosing weight gain Carlisle it could be major signal," My mom angelic voice said.

"I know Bella, but she been going through a lot. If we see her worry or loose more weight we will try sending her to a eating disorder clinic" Grandpa said and I was horrified.

They couldn't send me to one of those places because I wasn't human. I needed to hunt and they couldn't use regular needles with me. Now I know they must desperate.

What can I do to show them I am okay? I admit I am struggling but I am not sick again.

I walked away a bit and walked in again, as if I was just coming in. "How are you in this beautiful day?" I said coming in as if nothing has happen.

"Honey, you look mighty happy" Grandpa Carlisle said and I smiled.

"I am, I been feeling much better. I even got a good night's sleep," I said while I hugged him tight.

"Really? That is good to hear" Grandpa said with a smile and mom looked at me suspiciously.

"Maybe the dog has something to do it huh Nessie?" Uncle Emmett said while he nudges me in the shoulder.

"Maybe" I said nudging him back in the shoulder.

"Just remember your father's one rule," He said jokingly and my eyes widened. I became red as tomato.

"Emmett" My mom shrieked and I just stood there silently.

Say something back, Nessie, to shut Emmett up. I told myself. "Shut up Emmett" I said while I tried to push him on to the floor with all my force. But I end up falling first and Emmett had his iron grip on top of me.

"Stop the rough housing" My mom said shoving Emmett to the wall and helped me to get off the floor. I chuckled and laughed at Emmett.

"This means war, shortie" He said nudging me as he passes by and I just laughed.

"Oh my, what happen here?" Grandma Esme exclaimed as she saw the crack on the wall and the broken floor tiles. My mom just walked away and said "It was not me this time".

"Emmett" I said in return as if that one word explained everything.

"Emmett" Grandma said quietly and I just chuckled. "Now, now, everything could be easily fix again" Grandma said to Esme as he hugged her tightly.

That was love right there, he knew exactly how to sooth her. He knew Esme well.

"Sweetie, you want to eat something?" Grandma said and I just nodded yes.

"You want help in the kitchen?" I offered since I had nothing better to do and I needed to keep my mind busy.

"Sure, sweetie" She let go of Grandpa and held my hand as we went to the kitchen.

"So how are things with Jacob" Grandma asked casually as she poured rice into the electric rice cooker.

"Good, Things are going good thankfully" I said with a smile.

"I am glad for you and I am glad to finally see you happy with someone" She said with a smile that could brighten up the whole entire room.

ven house.

"You never thought I was happy with Jason or Adam?" I asked as I washed the chicken and placed the chicken in the oven.

"Honestly, I knew you never really loved them. Sweetheart, you need someone by your side and they were good company. You needed them but you didn't love them. I could tell because you never smiled or even laugh while you were with them. With Jacob in the other hand, you could spend the whole day just talking to him and you are the happiest person ever" Esme explained softly.

"I am happy with him, truly happy" I said with a smile on my face.

"I am glad to finally see you happy. Just a couple days ago you were miserable and grumpy. You know I have forgotten how bright your eyes could be and how big your smile could be." she said giving me a sweet hug.

We continue talking and preparing late lunch and early dinner together. It was nice to spend time with Grandma where I didn't go of crying or yelling. I have to admit, I could be a brat sometimes.

I sat down and ate lunch/ early dinner with the great company of Grandma Esme. I love her so much, she such a sweet loving person. I can't believe the pain I could cause such a sweet person.

I finish eating and I went to the living room to the movie "The Notebook" with Grandma. It was one of my favorite movies of all times. I haven't had a peaceful and loving day with one of family members in such a long time.

"Look what the wind brought in" Aunt Rosalie said rudely and scoffing as she saw Jacob come in.

I gave Aunt Rose a deadly stare and I grabbed Jacob's hand to leave the big house.

"Remember the one rule, Renesmee" Emmett said jokingly as we left the big house.

"Shut Up" I screamed in the top of my lungs as we left the big house. Jacob just chuckled. Of course Emmett had to continue and said "You got a handful there Jacob be careful".

He just chuckled to himself. "So what have you done since I was gone?" He asked me as I sat by in the nearby tree stump.

"Cooked lunch with Grandma and watched a movie" I said leaning into his shoulder.

"That eventfully huh?" He said kissing the top of my forehead.

"Oh yeah truly eventful. I hardly noticed you were gone" I said sarcastically and joking around. Of course I noticed he was gone, I miss him like crazy. Its this weird bond I have with him and its like I can't be a second alone without him.

"Oh really. I think I should go now to see if you will notice I am gone then?" He said lifting up playfully as I held him tighter against me.

"Stupid, of course I miss you and notice your gone" I said snuggling into his chest.

"Now I am stupid" He said playfully kissing me.

"I say that in the sweetest way possible" I said chuckling and he leaned over to kiss me. Perfect just perfect.

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**Coming Up:**

"**What about what makes me happy?" I said crying. "I don't want to go there. I want to stay here with you" I said crying. **

"**It would be better if you go there" He said keeping his distance. **

"**I can't deal with this. The only reason why I told you were because I thought you were going to be on my side. Now, your willing to give up everything" I said. **

"**Nessie, this isn't about sides, it's about what right. Though you may not see it but your parents are right" He said hugging me for five seconds before I pushed him away.**

"**They don't know what is right for me Jake. You don't know what right for me. I am not going and that is final" I said as I grabbed my jacket left through the door. **


	19. Tell Me

_**Hey, Okay here goes another chapter. I feel really sad since there were only 2 reviews of the last chapter.=*( Did I really do such a horrible job? If there is something wrong with the story or the writing please tell me. I want this to be perfect and to your liking as well. I feel like I am not doing a good job. So please review and let me know. or PM me or something but please tell me something. I haven't written the next chapter yet, because I need to know what I am doing wrong? or is it getting boring? Please let me know in a kind way. So I hope you like this. Time advance in this chapter, I hope you like it. Have a lovely weekend 3. **_

_**Twitter me: if you want steffinaomi90**_

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A month and half have gone by since Jacob and I first started dating. Things have been perfect between Jacob and I. Each day our love grows fonder and stronger.

As for my parents, well let's say, not so well. Now, my parents come up with complete totally bullshit saying that I am going to University of San Francisco.

Lets recap the scenario. "You promises us if we let you get home schooled you will try college for at least a year" My so call father yelled at me.

"Well, that was careless judgment" I said internally cursing myself for making that stupid promise. How stupid could I have been?

"I don't care if it was careless judgment or if it was the best decision you have ever made but you are going to college" My father said yelling at me.

I hope that my mom could come and save the day. Of course not, she always had to side with my father.

"Renesmee your father is right. You have yet to experience the human experience, Renesmee. You haven't seen anything past these four walls since Jacob and you have started dating" My mom explained.

"So the real reason why you want me to leave so badly, its because of him" I accused her and I sat down in the couch.

"Not completely" My mom admitted.

"What is the real reason?" I asked her as I folded my arms across my chest.

"Renesmee you are much to young to be settling down to quickly. You have seen to little of this world. College would be a needed learning experience for you" My mom said sweetly.

I hated when she spoke to me like that. The reason why I hate it was because I couldn't hold in the anger for that long. She was being sickingly sweet on purpose.

"The two thing you have primarily focus all your life in has been in: Dance and Jacob. Especially, Jacob since you don't dance anymore" My father said sitting down beside me.

"Dad, I almost got married almost two months ago. When I told you about Adam and I engagement you didn't deny but with Jacob you are completely different." I said trying to understand their absurd idea of be going to college.

"We love Jacob, sweetie don't get us wrong, but we knew you were going to see the world with Adam. We want you to know what is like to be human, fully human," My mom explained sitting down beside my father.

"So you want me to be like normal? No powers? No supernatural?" I asked them.

"Yes" they said happily. They probably thought that I was going to accept their idea.

"NO. Definitely not. I understand where you are coming from but no thank-you. I am happy here with Jacob and helping out in the auto shop. What is wrong with that?" I asked them standing up and facing them.

"We want you to expand your horizons honey. Explore the world, make friends, and don't confined your self to this town" My father started to yell.

"No" I said. I was not going to go to college hours away where I was not going to be near Jacob.

"Your going and that final" My father and mother said at the same time. I knew this was their final decision.

I knew I should have told Jacob but I couldn't. I didn't want him to worry about something that was absolutely not going to happen.

Plus, he had the auto shop to worry about and he had to focus 100 percent on that.

"Ness, are you okay?" He said kissing my hand over the diner's table.

"Yes, just fine" I said smiling at him and finished eating my burger and fries.

"Are you sure?" He asked me looking at my eyes and I just nodded yes. I hated lying, I mean denying things but I felt like I had no other choice.

I knew nobody in the world would make go to San Francisco. No vampire or human.

"Tell me what's on your mind Ness?" He said while he put his paperwork aside and just stared at me.

"Huh?" I said as I noticed I was just staring blankly at a book.

"That is my point exactly" He said standing up from his desk and going to the sofa I was sitting at.

"You been in your own world lately. Deep in your thoughts and you don't sleep well at night. I think there is something going on and you don't want to tell me," He said softly but in a deep serious voice.

"There is nothing," I said as I knew I should tell him but I couldn't find the correct timing.

"Ness, if you tell me we could find a solution together" He said kissing my neck and I knew it was to favor his side. He knew I couldn't stand it when he kisses along my neck.

Uncontrollable lust builds inside me and I want to go a bit further then just kissing.

"Jake-" I said as I moaned his name in whispers in his ears.

"I love you," He said kissing my temple.

Maybe if I did tell Jake he could help me out. Together we can find a solution to my parents making go to college problem.

We pulled away when we heard someone knock on the door. Seth.

Jacob groans and opens the locked door.

"Hey, I hope I am not interrupting anything." He said in playful tone and I just smile.

"Nothing at all. So what's up?" I said

"Well, Sam just called me and he said he throwing a party. He invited you and Nessie to come too," He said happily.

"Thanks for the invitation do you know what is for though?" Jake asked curiously.

"Sam founded out that Emily is going to have a baby so he wants to celebrate"

"That is so sweet" I said happily and clapping.

"Yeah, it is" Jake said hugging me and kissing me on my cheek.

"So the party starts at 8" He said as he walked out the door.

I noticed Jake to be very thoughtful and deep into his own thoughts since Seth was here.

"A penny for your thoughts" I said going over to the desk and hugging him.

He surely needs a hug. "Its nothing" He said seriously.

"I know its something Jake. Its something that Seth said and it has you worried" I said sitting on his lap.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong with you first?" He said seriously and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I hesitated to tell him the truth but I couldn't handle it anymore.

It was too much dealing my nagging parents and trying to find a way of not going to college.

"I don't want you to worry," I said to him and kissing is forehead.

"Just tell me Ness. I dying over here" He said kissing my check.

"Jake, remember how much I hated school?" I asked him as I remember the day I cut school and met him outside the bookstore.

"Yeah, what does that have to do with anything? You graduated," He said seriously.

"Well, remember how I was home-schooled" He nodded yes. "Well, I was home-schooled under one condition. I have to go to college for at least a year. " I sighed and told him.

"Ness, why are you so worried about it? You could go to college near by here and you could still live at home" He said shrugging his shoulder.

I sighed and told him. "My parents don't want me nearby. They want me to have the human experience. Remember how I was suppose to get married?" He was upset when I mention that little fact but I had to continue.

"Adam and I were supposed to live at San Francisco. Which made sense for me to go college nearby. Since the only paperwork was done to go to University at San Francisco and financial aid was done to that school," I said hoping that Jake would put the pieces together.

"You will going to the San Francisco" He said finally understanding the complete problem.

"Yes" I said nodding my head. "Do you want to go?" He asked me as he loosens his grip around my waist.

"No, I want to stay here with you. But, "They" don't understand that," I said getting up from his lap.

"How long have you known about this?" He asked me, I knew he was going to get mad.

"For a month now" I sighed and closed my eyes.

"A month? And you are just telling me?" He said angry.

"I didn't want you to worry about it because I am not going" I said determine. As long as I have Jacob by my side, I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

He took a deep breath and said, " I think you should go too". I turned around and I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

"What" I said puzzle from what I just heard. "I think you should go to San Francisco," He said taking a deep breath.

"Jake, if I go to San Francisco I won't be able to live here and won't be able to see you" I said with tears building in my eyes.

"I know but your parent's are right" Jake said getting up as well.

"Jacob, I need you to be on my side. On mine, not my parents" I said yelling at him.

"Ness, I want to do what's best for you?" He said trying to hug me but I pulled way. I was not going to San Francisco. I felt if I was going to let him hug me, I would be giving in and I am not willing to do that.

"What about what makes me happy?" I said crying. "I don't want to go there. I want to stay here with you," I said crying.

"It would be better if you go there" He said keeping his distance.

"I can't deal with this. The only reason why I told you were because I thought you were going to be on my side. Now, your willing to give up everything" I said.

"Nessie, this isn't about sides, it's about what right. Though you may not see it but your parents are right," He said hugging me for five seconds before I pushed him away.

"They don't know what is right for me Jake. You don't know what right for me. I am not going and that is final," I said as I grabbed my jacket left through the door.

"Wait, wait' He yelled and came after me. "What!" I said angrily as I turn around so I can see him.

"Don't be angry, I just want you to be happy," He said wrapping his arms around my waist.

"My happiness is with you. Though you seem to not even care I won't be able to see you for months" I said angrily pushing him away from me.

"I love you Renesmee, of course I care but I know you should go to San Francisco" Jacob said crossing his arms.

"I don't want to go there," I said crossing my arms as well.

"We have all of our existences to be together …" He started saying and I 1

"Jacob in other words you don't care enough for me to stay" I said crying

"Do you believe that?" He said sadly and angrily at the same time and wrapping his arms around my waist. I stared at Jacob's beautiful dark eyes and I saw nothing but sadness.

Did I cause that?

I believe that I must not mean the same thing to him as he does to me. I don't want to spend not even a second alone, yet a couple of months.

But yet he could go with a couple of months without seeing me. Everything was easy for him, to just let me go.

"Yeah, I do" I said leaving him because of the realization I made.

"Jake—" I start to say as he just crushed his lips to mine and kiss me. His lips were urgent and passionate, he rarely kiss me this way.

But my lips obliged to his, I need him. I need to feel that he cared for me and he needed me just like I need him.

"Don-You-Dare-To-Say-That-Again" He said between kisses and we walked back to his office.

"Renesmee, ever since I first lay eyes on you, you turn my world around. I never saw the sun shine any brighter. I love you more than any one else in this world even more than myself. My life would be over if anything happen to you" He said I feel happy but sad at the same time.

Jacob's life be over, the thought of it just made me go crazy.

"Jacob, never say that again," I said sternly and as I kissed him.

"How much I care about you?" He asked confusedly as he hands wander down my backside and my thighs.

"Hasn't the past month mean anything to you?" He said angrily but still gripping my waist tight.

"No, about the last part" I said trying not to mention Jacob-life being over.

"What?" He asked innocently and I just sighed "You dying" I said choking on the last word.

"If anything is to ever happen to me, you have to move on and continue life as if-" I said but he hushed me in kisses.

"You are the best thing in my life, Renesmee. The thought of living without you a second in my life makes me go crazy. You are my reason for living and I wouldn't be able to continue my life without you," He said sternly.

I believe every word he said. Every beautiful word that he said to me I believed. But why was he still willing to let me go to San Francisco.

"If I mean so much to you, why are willing to let me go to San Francisco?" I asked him pulling away from his grip and sitting down in his sofa.

He sat down beside me and sighed. He placed a hand on my leg and turned to face me.

"Renesmee, I don't want for you to ever regret making the decision of not going to San Francisco. Sweetie, you mean the world to me but I willing to work things out for four years until you finish college. I just want you to make any decision because me" He said grabbing me by my waist and placing me on his lap.

"Jake, I would never regret anything that deals with you. Never, I don't think that would be even possible, Jake, I love you and I want to spend every waking moment with you" I said wrapping my arms around his neck and I kissed him.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" He said pulling away and looking at my eyes carefully.

"SO sure" I said in whispered as I kissed his neck.

"I will help you Renesmee, as long that you are sure. Sweetie, I love you. I just want you to be happy," He said kissing me.

After closing the auto shop we immediately head out to Sam's and Emily place. I was happy for them. But finding out about Emily pregnancy made wonder something.

Could I get pregnant?

There were doubts because of my unique DNA structure but there is another thing that could be an obstacle.

My illness. Anorexia Nervosa long-term effect is infertile. I could never have Jacob's kids.

Would he even mind? Does he want to even marry me?

Thankfully Jacob was lost in his own thoughts to even ask me what I was thinking about it.

I was to embarrass to talk to him about these things yet. I mean he does even known my story about Anorexia and Bulimia.

I have mentioned to him about my eating issues but not about my illness.

Thank-fully with the help of everyone, I feel so much better. I have gain weight and I feel much better about my body.

When Jacob and I first start dating I weighed 105 pounds. Now I weigh 114 pounds and I will continue I until I weigh as least 125.

I try my best every day and Carlisle hasn't given up on me yet. My hope to regain my life is coming true.

"Renesmee" Emily said as we walked in to the door. She hugged me happily as we entered. I hugged Sam as well and he grabbed my coat.

I greeted everyone that was there present. Leah was even there but she seemed so unhappy. I never knew what Leah had against Sam and Emily.

I knew Sam dated Leah but that was a thing of the past. Well, Jacob didn't share much of their history together.

Jacob was busy with his friends so I decide to help Emily out in the kitchen.

"When did you find out about your pregnancy?" I asked her casually as I checked the chicken in the oven.

"Today and I couldn't wait to tell Sam. You should have seen him Ness, Sam was the happiest person in the world when he found out". She said with the biggest smile I have seen.

"I am glad for you two. I wish nothing but happiness," I said with a big sigh.

"What about you and Jake?" She said changing the topic and I didn't know what she was asking exactly.

Was she asking about any marriage plans or baby plans or what?

"Do you have any plans of getting marry?" I just stood there frozen and I shivered at thought of marriage.

She stood there laughing and as she moved forward to hug me, I felt how the big pot of pasta fell on top of me.

"Oh NO" Emily yelled and I Just held the pasta pot into place. Jacob came running into the kitchen to see how the whole dinner was ruin.

"What happen" He asked as I shook the left over pasta off my jeans and shirt.

"OH Nessie, I am so sorry" Emily said trying to get the pasta stain of my shirt. My shirt was a soft blue shirt; the stain was not going to come off that.

"Its fine Em." I said moving the last piece of pasta, as Jacob tried to clean up after the huge mess we made.

"No, its not. Come with me" She said pulling me along into her house, into her room.

She went through her shirt and found a plain black tee for me. "It might be a bit big on you but it should do the trick," She said nicely.

"Thanks Emily, where is the bathroom? I need to wash my hands," I said lifting my red-covered in sauce hand.

She laughed and showed me the way to the bathroom. As I was in the bathroom, I over heard a conversation.

"Leah, Can you just be happy?" Seth said angrily to Leah.

I Heard Leah footsteps pacing around the area near the bathroom. They must know not realize I am here.

"This is about as happy, I am going to get" Leah said furiously.

"I don't know why you come then. You ruin everyone mood"

"Sorry, I cannot be the party-joy like Renesmee" She said with a sarcastic tone.

"Please, Leah leave her out of this. This is not about Renesmee and you know it. You are just mad that Sam imprinted on Emily and not you. He imprint on her and left you for her." Seth said angrily as he punch the wall.

I expected Leah to say something but she just stood quiet. Imprinted? What does that mean?

"Leah, I am so-" Seth started to say as Leah just left angrily down the hall.

Since Seth was there alone, I decide to go ask him about imprinting.

"Seth" I exclaimed softly as I walk a couple of inches to see his conflicted face.

He was usually so happy but he seemed to be in big problem.

"Nessie, please tell you didn't hear that?" Seth said worriedly and pulling me further down the hall.

"I did Seth. Seth, what is imprinting" I asked him softly and Seth told me to shush as he pulled me in deeper to the hall.

"Nessie, you can't tell Jake I told you this" He said softly and pulled me to the deepest end.

"Stop it with the secrets and just tell me already" I said playfully.

" Imprinting is wolf thing. Its like love in the first sight but stronger. This special connection that you have towards someone and that someone becomes your reason of being" He said quickly and I just froze.

Jake is going to imprint on someone else and forget all about me.


	20. Indescribable

_**Hey Y'all, I am so sorry for not posting this chapter up like promise. I was busy this weekend and I couldn't get to it. I was awake until late last night so I can finish it . Thanks so much for those who review and gave me critics. I am sorry for my bad grammar or if my ideas are to blah. i will promise to try to do better. I will post the next chapter up tomorrow like promise too. The next chapter is almost done so hopefully I could get it to it tonight as well. REVIEW ! Good or Bad ? Just Remember to be nice about it.. I will be back tomorrow..Bye for now **_

* * *

Tears roll down my face since the fear of loosing Jacob was greater then ever. Imprinting will happen one day and Jacob will fall in love with some other girl.

A girl that would be the reason for living and his existence and I will be left a side.

Seth puzzle at my reaction and he just pulled me in for a hug. "What's wrong? Didn't Jake tell you he already imprinted. He whispered softly in my ear.

Jacob's clearing his throat separated us and we immediately pulled away. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Am I interrupting anything?" He said angrily because I knew he was jealous of Seth.

How dare he be jealous when I was going to be the one abandon? He found his soul mate and he was going to live his happily ever after.

I love him so much that this news broke my heart into million and millions of pieces.

While, I have to spend the rest of existence forgetting him and getting him off my heart. I was going to end up just as bitter as Leah.

Seth breaks the silence saying " I was just comforting her, she started crying suddenly—" He stopped when I pass by Jacob and left the house.

I said quickly goodbye to Emily as discrete possible. I need to get away from the pain I felt that instant. This hurt so bad that I thought I was going to die.

It hurt a thousand times worst then when I found about Jason cheating on me. The words for this pain were indescribable.

The images of Jacob being with another girl made my mind go crazy. Damn it I love him. That why I was afraid to be with him. He was breaking my heart.

"Renesmee" Jacob yelled as he quickly pulls me so I can see him face to face. He held me tight by my shoulders preventing me from moving away.

I look up see those beautiful brown eyes and more tears spill. I love him so much. But, it hurt me to know that it wasn't real.

"Can you tell me what that was all about?" He exclaimed. I was hurt because Jacob didn't bother telling me about it at all. I deserve to know the truth from him not Seth.

I was hurt because there was someone in this world that could make Jacob truly I just wanted to leave and go hide under a rock. "Just leave me alone, Jacob," I said struggling out of his grip.

"Why are you leaving?" He said frustrated as he loosens the grip in one of the arms. He pulled me in closer to his body. I couldn't stand the pressure anymore. I couldn't stand him having so close and feeling him.

Raindrops fell from the sky. Perfect the raindrops blend in perfectly with my tears. "Jake" I said crying and he just pulled me in for a hug.

"Tell me what I did wrong, Ness. What is the pain behind these tears? " He said desperately holding on to him. For some strange reason I couldn't leave his side.

A magnetic pull kept me always by his side.

I need him like air and sun. He was personal sun. He warms up my day. I could not imagine a life without Jacob. I know I just met him a couple of months ago but I love him.

Jacob's cell phone started ringing and I knew that I could this chance to escape. I wanted to left alone. So I can die of the misery I felt.

"Pick up the phone Jake, it could be someone important," I said bitterly. Maybe it could be his imprint for all we now.

Doesn't he have an imprint now? Why does he need me?

"JACOB" I heard my mom's angelic voice appear and it didn't sound happy. It sounds anxious and sad. This was not good.

"Jacob, I don't know how to tell you this" She started to say and I knew it couldn't be good.

"Damn it Bella, Just tell me," He said desperately.

"Billy is the hospital. We were over at Charlie and he had a heart attack. We are with him now," Sam said and I saw an enormous amount of pain arose from Jacob face.

Billy meant everything to Jacob, apart from his sisters of course. Poor Jacob, he must be feeling horrible.

" I will be right over there" He said roughly against the phone and hanged up the phone.

"Jake, lets go to the hospital," I said pulling him along; we can have this conversation later. Either way things would not change. Jacob imprinted and he going to leave me.

Right now, Jake needs to get to the hospital to be with Billy.

Jacob ran to be next to him as Billy struggle to speak. I couldn't believe this was happing.

I wish I could take all the pain that he felt and throw it away, but I couldn't. He went into the room alone as my mom came to hug me.

"Billy is going to be okay right, mom?" I asked her quietly sobbing into her arms.

"Oh, Honey" I didn't like the tone of that. I knew it wasn't going to be a good answer.

"Renesmee, Billy's heart is much to weak. Very weak and" She took a deep breath. " We don't know if he can make it" " She said softly hugging me tightly

Billy could die.

"Momma" I said crying into her shoulder. "Its fine, Honey. I know this hard but we will get through this. You just have to be there for Jacob and hope Billy will get better. " She said softly as she provided her comfort words.

Anxiety came over me, how can people go through this. I have never gone through the pain of loosing anyone but I almost died myself.

* * *

I remember that day like if it was yesterday. Well the parts I was conscious for I remember.

I was told that Josh carried me off stage after the first lift. My mom and dad were there and they hurriedly put me into their car.

They couldn't take me to the hospital because I wasn't fully human so they had to take me home to Carlisle.

My heart was slow and faint. I remember at that point coming in and out of consciousness. I wasn't aware of what was going around me.

I would see how my parent's mouth would move but I could not make out the words. My eye felt heavy like if I wanted to take a deep sleep.

I just have the faint memory of being very cold. I remember looking up at my parent's eyes and saw such pain. I knew I was dying. Tears fell from my eyes and my mom's freezing hand wiped it away.

"I- Am- Sorry-" I struggle to say. She just held my hand between hers.

"Renesmee-Honey pleases hold on. Please, I beg you please hold on. Please don't leave me" My mom kneel to the bed beside me. I notice the presence of the rest of my family around her.

"So-Sorry. Not-Your fault" I said trying to relive any pain of guilt. At this point the cold was unbearable and I was shaking.

"Hold on. We will get through this. I promise. Just keep on fighting please, don't give up and don't leave us" I saw my mom's beautiful golden eyes full of sadness.

I closed my eyes because they were getting really heavy. I want to tell them how much I love them. How much I appreciated everything they have ever done for me. I want to let them know that it was my fault that I couldn't fight it anymore.

I was much to weak to fight against my eating disorder. I was not a good daughter to them.

I want to let them know that I love them a lot but I couldn't. I was much too weak.

"LOVE- All" I said when I felt how I was headed to this warm place and the light overcame this darkness.

Carol appeared along the way and she looked healthy and beautiful. She was wearing a white dress and she seemed happy. Her hair was in curls and let down below her shoulder.

"Renesmee, be strong and fight for all us who couldn't. I believe that you can overcome it. Just believe in your self and I know you could overcome it. Remember to just breathe when times are hard," She said hugging me when I was transported to the room in my house.

I look up I saw my dad and grandpa hovering over my body. "Oh-Renesmee' everyone rushed to my side.

* * *

I was interrupted by my thoughts when my dad came out of the room and came to hug me. "Jake, needs you right now, Honey" He said quietly as he push me along to Billy's room.

As I entered the room, Jacob was on the floor next to Billy's body and his head just lay there by his side. Billy was hooked up to many machines.

I really hope he can pull through this. I didn't want Billy to die; it would hurt Jake a lot.

I knew Jacob needed comfort and I sat next to him. He looks up and pulls me for a hug. I want to pull away just because I knew how badly it would hurt when we said goodbye.

I said as I let his head lay on my chest. We stayed in that position for a considerable amount of time until the doctor came in.

"He would make it, " He said speaking to Jacob. "He is very weak but he would make it. You need to take care of him but he would fine" He said seriously and Jacob just nodded.

My dad came into the room just then and walks to my side.

"Jacob you need rest. You staying here the whole night won't be worth it. Go home and rest " He said placing a hand on Jacob's shoulder.

"No, Edward I have to stay here. Plus, I still need to phone Rebecca and Rachel" He said yawning.

When I look at the time it was 4 in the morning and my stomach was growling.

"Jacob, you go rest and I will take care of everything," He said as tried to convince Jacob to listen.

"My dad is right, Jake. You need food and some rest. We can go home, while they take care of everything. Please" I said hoping he would listen to me.

"Yeah, okay" He submitted and we both didn't say any other word the whole ride back.

We were both in the kitchen before I finally decide to break the silence. "You want anything to eat," I asked as I looked at the refrigerator to look at the food I got.

"No, but I think you should eat something" He said seriously maintaining his distance from me.

"I will eat something tomorrow morning" I said closing the door. "You haven't eaten anything since lunch" He said raising his voice. I knew he must feel bad about his father. It does not mean he should take it out on me.

"You haven't either" I shot back angrily. Why would even care?

"We are not talking about me. We are talking about you" He exclaimed and I was getting annoyed.

"Jake, you are not eating either. What is the difference between you and me? " I said angrily and yelling back.

"There is a huge difference actually" He yelled and continued "I am not the one who almost died weighing 84 pounds 2 years ago" He said angrily and I was shock.

I never told him about that. How did he find out? Mom. Can she ever stay with her mom shut? I am suppose to tell people about that secret not her.

Jacob has been looking at me as freak all this time.

" My mom shouldn't have told you that. It was my secret tell not her's . Was that reason why you stayed with me for so long Jacob?" I said and I finally realized the reason why he hasn't run off with his imprint.

He didn't want me to relapse when he broke up wit h me. He was staying with me just out of guilt.

"What the hell are you talking about Renesmee?" He said angrily.

"We are done. There is no more us Jacob," I said angrily walking away from the kitchen trying to get my room as fast as I can.

* * *

**Coming Up: **

**He should go to her and leave me alone.**

"**I did imprint," HE said with a smile. Oh great, he should rub it in some more. **

"**So just leave then don't feel guilty about it," I said pointing at the door. I hoped he leave so I could cry to myself. **

**Our love wasn't real. Someone else was meant to be with him and not me. **


	21. Imprint Love

**_Hey Guys. I am so sorry for not putting up the last chapter like promise. I am sorry. I tried putting the chapter yesterday but my internet connection was down so I couldn't. Well, here goes the other chapter. I hope you like it. Review Good job or bad for those who review, really i appreciate it. I will posting up the next chapter up monday late at night or tuesday early y'all have a wonderful weekend.  
_**

* * *

"What the hell are you talking about Renesmee?" He said angrily.

"We are done. There is no more us Jacob," I said angrily walking away from the kitchen trying to get my room as fast as I can.

I couldn't though, Jacob threw me over his shoulder and laid me on the couch I had in my room.

"I am not leaving you," He said roughly and I tried getting up but couldn't. He was holding on me tightly.

"LEAVE JACOB you don't have stay with me for guilt" I said taking a deep breath so I could not cry.

"Renesmee what fuck are you talking about" He said roughly kissing my cheek.

"Jake, stop it. I know about imprinting. I know you imprinted and the reason why still with me was so I could not relapse. But it fine seriously just leave" I said pushing him away lightly.

He should stop acting. He chuckled in my ear. I didn't feel that this was funny situation. Why was he chuckling? OH yeah, he has his soul mate.

He should go to her and leave me alone.

"I did imprint," HE said with a smile. Oh great, he should rub it in some more.

"So just leave then don't feel guilty about it," I said pointing at the door. I hoped he leave so I could cry to myself.

Our love wasn't real. Someone else was meant to be with him and not me.

He crushed his lips into mine and pulled me against his body. His tongue explored every corner of my mouth. I gladly parted my lips to allow the entrance.

I knew I was teasing myself but I love him. If he wanted to kiss me for a last time before he went back to her, I will allow him.

I laid back on the couch and parted my legs so he can lay in there.

"Renesmee" He said pulling back and looking at me seriously in the eye. " I imprinted on you the first time I met you"

"What" I exclaimed. I was Jacob's soul mate. It was I all along. "Why didn't you tell me" I accused him and he kissed my neck.

"I want you to choose me without anything forcing you" He said sweetly and he continued to go down my neck into my chest.

I felt how my heart started racing and I had difficult breathing.

"Jake I choose you. Always" I said between breaths.

"I choose you always too," He said lifting up and kissing me.

I moaned and Jake kissed me. "Jake" I moaned his name.

"I want too so badly sweetheart but we cannot break the one rule" He said half-hearted. I knew he wanted too.

I felt it. Jacob's bulge was right there pressing up in my thigh teasing me the worst way possible.

"Jake, I am ready. You are ready. You just told me I am your imprint. Your soul mate and you are my everything. Why could we not be together in every sense of the word?" I said trying to prove my point.

"Ness" He said struggling and pulling away from my body. The pressure between my legs increases at his absence.

"I need to tell you and ask you something," He said seriously wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into his chest.

I could tell he was nervous because his heartbeat increased.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I expected this to happen in a different way. You deserve a fancy dinner, roses, diamond, someone who reads poetry to you, who writes you songs, and someone who doesn't screw everything up. Like I do" He took a big breath.

"But, I love you more then anything in this life, universe and existence. I promise to love you every day of forever and to protect you" He took another big breath and he reached for something in his left pocket.

"Will you marry me?" He asked me opening the box up and showing me the most beautiful ring that I have ever seen.

"Yes-of course… I will marry you," I said hugging him and he kissed me while he placed the ring on my finger.

"Oh my Jacob it beautiful" I said admiring the ring. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"It was my mom's ring. If you want something else we could buy something else—" He was suggesting but I shut it him up with a kiss.

"Jake-Don't- this is perfect," I said kissing him.

"I couldn't believe you said yes," He admitted as he hugged me.

"What were you thinking I was going to say?" I asked curiously as I kissed him on the cheek.

"I am not sure. Nessie, your just so perfect and I just want everything to be perfect for you but I just keep messing—"Jacob said and I shut him up with another kiss.

"Don't Jacob. You are perfect too. You know that. I don't want fancy diamond rings, the latest expensive cars, and roses, someone who writes me songs or poems. I don't want or need any of those things"

He was staring at me and I just continued to speak.

"I just want someone to love me and be there for me. The rest just does not matter to me. I just want you, Jake," I said.

He leaned in and crushed his lips into mine. After a couple of minutes of kissing he parted his lips from mine.

I just lay there on top of him hugging him tightly against my body. It could've been very arousing but I was extremely tired.

"This has been some day," He said yawning and I just gave him a tired smile.

I look over to my clock and it read 6 in the morning.

"Come on let's sleep you need your sleep," He said as he picked me up and placed me on my bed.

"You need your sleep too you silly boy" I said moving over and making space for him.

Thank-god I had a king-size bed so Jacob could be extremely comfortable.

He lay there too as he spooned me to sleep. I closed my eyes as I focus to the rhythm of his heart and I heard him whisper I love you to my ear.

I wanted to say it back but my eyes were too heavy and my mouth couldn't move.

Two weeks have gone by since the Billy scare. Jacob was by his side daily and nightly.

Billy was still very weak and Jacob needs to be there for his father.

Unfortunately that meant less time for me and Jacob, who made me upset. But, I couldn't be mad at Jacob for it.

Jacob had lots of responsibilities and I tried to help out as much as I can.

Taking care of the auto shop and helping out with chores around the house. Jacob surely did appreciate it but he wanted to be like superman and do everything himself.

When my parents found out about our engagement they were not happy campers.

They thought I was too "young" to be getting married. I was 18 for crying out loud.

I think they are bunch of hypocrites. Since they were physically my age when they got married too.

Their pathetic excuse was that "Things were meant to be different with me". Of course things are different I am basically grown up to be an 18 year old in 7 years.

Like always they want me to have the human experience. Whatever that is. The number one rule still applies until I get marry.

Since Billy needs Jacob and Jacob cannot sleep over at my house anymore. I occasionally go to sleep over at Jacob's. Not all the nights but some of the night.

Of course my parents were so against it but I promise them it was only going to be sleeping.

They still want me to go San Francisco in a week but I still refuse to go there. They even start packing up my stuff and everything. Alice has been excitedly going to P.A. buying comforters, mattress pad, shower caddy, new clothes, pillows, lamps, etc.

Unlike any other day in the beautiful town of Forks, it was actually sunny. Billy felt much better today and went over to Charlie's.

They were going to watch some game on Charlie's flat screen TV. Taking the chance it was our first day by ourselves in so long we decided to go to the beach.

I went to my house and changed into a black bathing suit. Of course it was a 2 piece but it covered all the necessary places. Over it I wore a black tank top and blue denim short with a pair of flip-flop. I grabbed a beach towel and the biggest blanket I had and headed to the beach.

Once getting to the beach, I lazily grabbed the beach blanket and placed in the sand. I lay there carefully while Jacob hugged me tightly against his body.

"I've miss this," He said holding me against his body tightly and kissing my nose.

"Me too. A lot" I admitted as I place a wet kiss in his neck.

We spent a lot of the time doing that hugging each other and telling each other how much we love each other.

At one-point in the afternoon Jacob and I were no longer hugging each other and we were face to face talking. I placed my right hand in the middle of both of our bodies and Jacob played with it.

Well, I thought he was playing with it but I saw how he delicately traced over scars in my knuckles and fingers with his forefinger.

When I saw what he was staring at I immediately pulled away and sat up. Those scares were caused my stomach-acid.

"Its fine, Sweetheart. I am ready to listen whenever you are ready to talk about it," He said sweetly sitting up and kissing me my forehead.

Should I tell him? Should I finally tell someone how I starting having eating issues and body image issue? Not even my parents knew what went on in my mind during that time.

If I didn't trust Jacob with my life experience especially that one who can I trust? He was my soul mate; of course I can trust him.

"Jake" I hesitated but I decided it was time that someone knew this.

He looked at me sweetly and I took a deep breath. " I want to tell you so bad but I afraid you going to look at me differently," I said shyly and he pulled me in for a hug.

"Ness, I love you and nothing in the world it's going to change that," He said sweetly.

I took a deep breath and started by saying "I just turned thirteen when it all started".

* * *

**Coming up**:

"**If I were human my parents would have put me in Ballet classes but they couldn't. I was growing up to quickly and people would have started suspecting something" I said as he held my hand tighter within his. **

**He just nodded as a gesture to continue. Telling him how my love of dance developed was easy. The later stuff would be hard. Very hard. **

"**Thankfully, Aunt Rose took Ballet Lessons when she was human and taught me few moves and turns. When I got that down, my mom and everyone would buy me Ballets Dvds so I can keep on learning. I would spent all days replaying DVDs. I love Ballet so much. " **

**Remembering these sweet memories brought a smile to my face. **


	22. Just Breathe

**Hey y'all. I am sorry for taking so long to update. I know I been saying I am sorry a lot but I am really sorry. The reason why I took so long was because I had a new idea to my writing style. When I finished writing the chapter the first time, I hated it. It was too blahhh. **

**When I wrote this and read it, I didn't feel anything. So i decide not to post it. I am not going to post anything that I hate. SO on sunday night I got a new idea. I got the idea to write in both Nessies and Jacob point of view. I didn't know how that was going to work out but I practice writing like that. I wrote in both point of views for another of my stories "Trying to Live the life". Guess what ? I liked it so much better. So for the past 5 hours I been sitting in my couch rewriting his chapter in both point of views. I loved it. I know I still need help with grammer and stuff but I hope you guys like it. **

**AND REVIEW! PLease Review, I work really hard on this one. I have another question. I was wondering if you want me to continue writing in both points of view or just Nessie? LEt me know because I am not going to start writing the next chapter until i hear some opinions. I am trying really hard for you to be happy with this Story. SO let me know please!Oh before I forget. Just breathe is actually a name of song of my favorite spanish singer Anahi. The song is in spanish and talks about eating disorders and the struggles people face. I just wanted for you to know. Have a lovely week. Love ya!  
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He looked at her sweetly. She is his world and he was secretly happy that she finally trusted him. Completely trust him.

This made him the happiest person in world. He knew Renesmee doesn't open up to people easily, not even to her parents. He knew how hard it was for her to talk about her eating disorder. She hardly ever liked talking about it with anybody. She was still very hurt from her experiences from it.

He knew that she was scare to tell him the truth, that why he never pushed her to him the truth. Jacob knew that the time would come eventually. Now, it finally came. Ness finally telling him about her eating disorder and trusted him completely.

Nothing that Renesmee could tell him would make him love her less. He wrap his hands around her and made her lean into his chest. He patiently waited for her to start.

It was difficult for her to start telling him the story. A story of something that caused her an infamous amount of pain. Just thinking about it causes her to open up old wounds.

She felt secure next to him so she just took a deep breath. She figured she would start the story from the beginning. How she fell in love with dancing?

She was very young, she just turned five at the time. "Aunt Rose use to study Ballet in her past human life. One day, I woke up from my daily nap and my parents weren't there. I went wondering around to find someone to play with and I found no one. I started to cry thinking nobody was home until I heard the most beautiful music coming from the music room. So I wipe away my tears and wondered off to the old music room in my house in Portland. As I entered the room, I catch Aunt Rose doing turns. She looked like an angel. She was graceful. Then I wanted to be exactly like her, I wanted to be an angel too" She said smiling at that memory. Dancing always made her happy until she started suffering from Anorexia and Bulimia.

"So Aunt Rose taught me everything she knew and I mean everything. But, it wasn't enough; I wanted to learn more so she brought me DVDs. I would play and replay those DVDs all day" She laughs on how annoying she could be if her parents didn't let practice Ballet.

She would throw temper tantrums if her parents cut the DVD off and told her it was time for bed.

Jacob just looked at her happily because he saw how happy she was remembering the beginning. He knew that wouldn't last for much longer. Sadly, the story would progress to negative memories, which would cause her pain. Jacob hated seeing her pain. He wishes that he could just have a wand to make all those hurtful memories disappear, but he couldn't.

Sadly, this was part of her and he had to accept that. He promised himself that no matter what he would let her continue telling the story no matter how much pain it caused him.

"I couldn't learn in a Dance class environment because I was going through growth spurts all the time. People would have notice I was not completely human, if they saw me on a daily basis. When I was physically 12, my grandpa thought that since my growth spurts were happening less often, I could go take dance classes. My growth spurts were less drastic and occurring less often so people didn't notice. I was good and eager to learn everything from the teacher"

She took a deep breath as she started heading to the place down memory lane where her eating disorder started.

"When I turned 13, I weighed around 114 pounds. I had been taking dance classes in that school for 6 months. One day, we were doing cross the floor exercises, practicing jumps. Then suddenly she told me to stop. She approached me angrily and told me I could gain height in my jumps if I drop of few pounds" She said shuttering angrily.

He wraps his hands tighter around her, so she could feel his support.

"I never felt insecure about my weight before and then suddenly it was everything I could think about. I went on diet, made sure I would consume the necessary amount of calories and exercise moderately" She said with a shine in her eyes. She felt like crying because the dance teacher made her feel useless and unworthy.

But she took another deep breath and remind herself to just breath. She took another deep breath and continued the story.

"A month went by and I was only able to loose 4 pounds. Just four. I was angry at myself because I need to do better at that. One Thursday afternoon, Carol one of my dance mates approached me. She told me You know they are ways around it. She whispered it like if it was secret" Her voice cracked at the end.

"It was secret, a dirty secret. You know you have the potential to be one of the greatest dancers of all time. BUT, with that weight you won't even get to the corner" I took another deep breath.

"I looked at her and believed her. I wanted to be a dancer and I knew I had to do anything to get there. I begged for her to tell me her secrets and she did"

" I wrote them down in my "dieting" book. I followed and worship them like if it was my bible. My parents were not even suspicious about my behavior. I was skipping meals daily and I barley ate 200 calories a day. When I got more "Control" I would go days without eating anything"

"One day, I was starving and felt horrible. I ate everything I saw, everything. I couldn't resist myself because I was so hungry. I couldn't deal with the hunger anymore. I immediately called Carol to help me. She suggests purging. The thought about the food being in my stomach drove me insane. I thought I could gain weight all back overnight. I did it and I thought I was going crazy"

"Lies became part of my daily routine. At school, at dance, at home, everywhere I went I told lies. Expect when I was Carol, I could confide everything to her and it would be fine. She gave more tips. More things that will help me loose weight and control the hunger. When I couldn't handle the hunger anymore I would binge and purge. We became best friends. After a year with this I weight around 98 pounds and I met Jason. Jason had a crush on me and he seem like someone nice. But he was very suspicious of me. He didn't believe in my lies that easily"

"My parents didn't notice anything wrong with me. They would notice I lost weight but they didn't know how much. They thought it was because of so much practicing and schoolwork. I would hide my body under loose clothing. If I had a check up, I would drink tons of water and hide weight in my thighs. It would cause me to weight more then what I actually weighed. After six of dating Jason confronted me"

"He saw my bag of food and diet pills. I was so ashamed of my behavior but I couldn't control it. It was controlling me. That night I realized I had a huge problem. When I weighed myself that day and I saw it read a 94 pounds. I felt like if I weight 200 pounds. I need to do better. I had to do better. Jason told my parents but I made up a story. I told my parents that he was making everything up because he was mad at me. I supposedly broke up with him and he wanted revenge. My parents believe me" She said as a single tear fell from her chocolate brown eyes.

"Two months since that indent my parents had me an careful watch. They nagged me more often about eating. I would angrily storm off, telling them to mind their own business. I would stare at myself at the mirror and just hated myself. I hope and prayed that after I lost more weight I could feel better again. I could feel happy again and be free of this obsession" She looked at Jacob and he pressed his lips on her forehead.

"I barley could sleep anymore and I was running on caffeine pills. I weighed around 88 pounds the day Carol died. She came over to my house and told me she didn't feel okay. I knew that coming from Carol, it meant that she felt horrible. But, I couldn't help her because if I told someone, they would find out about me too. My worst fear in the world was to gain weight. She left my house and a couple hours later she was dead. She died at the hospital. She had heart attack. Her mom blamed me for her death and I felt like I had nothing else to live for" She said as she wiped more tears from her eyes.

Jacob just held her in his arms and kissed her neck. "I love you Renesmee" He whispered softly. He looked at admiration because he knew getting over her eating disorder was not easy. He couldn't help to think that if she had died, they wouldn't have ever met.

His life became so much better with Renesmee. She became her reason for living and he couldn't imagine a world without her in it. It drove him insane.

She took a deep breath and continues the story.

"Burying her was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It was horrible, I was all-alone now. My parents knew about my problems now and confronted me about it. Things for me then were just horrible. I felt that my world came crashing down and I wanted die. My parents would feed me daily and I would just run to purge. My dad was in the room present once. I look over and I saw infinite amount of pain. It was all because of me"

"They couldn't send me to a eating disorder clinic because I wasn't human. I was growing weaker and weaker as the days went by. But, the day it finally came a dance company came to watch Me and my partner Josh as an auditions. It was my dream but I was much to weak. I couldn't go past the first lift. I fainted hopelessly and when I was semi-conscious I begged my mom for the forgiveness. Told my family I loved them because I knew I was going to die. A miracle happened and I woke up the next day. My dad told me that heart stop for 8 second and then I realize I couldn't continue this anymore. I knew there was a god out there if it was able to help me to see another day. I promised myself that I was going to able to get out it. I did with the help of my family, believe it or not, Jason help me out a lot" She said finishing her story and wiped away her tears.

The story opened up old wounds. Remembering what she has gone through made her realize she was lucky. Many girls die going through this and she was one of the few who survived.

"Thank-you for telling me this" He said kissing her gently, savoring every second he was with her.

"I knew it must be difficult for you telling me this. I want you to know I greatly appreciate it. I love you, Ness" He said kissing her neck.

"I trust you, Jake completely" She said kissing his neck and taking off his shirt.

"I love you, Renesmee" He said taking off her tank top and leaving her with her bikini top. He caresses her breasts from on top of her bikini. She suddenly wanted more, she wanted all of him. She traced his muscles and pulled down the waistband of his basketball shorts. She could feel his erection pressing up on her thighs. This drove her insane.

"Ness, we can't do this here" He said between kisses. He needed her badly too. She trusted him with her deepest secret, she finally trusted him completely. The moment he has waiting for finally came. The reason why he has always waited to have sex with her was because he knew she didn't trust him. Not completely at least. But, now she did and it meant they could. If she wanted too, at least.

"Jake" She protested like every time he stopped her. She wanted him too. He realized they were already both ready to finally be together. They finally prepared to make love to each other.


	23. Waiting

Hey y'all! Don't hate me for not putting the chapter up on sept 3. I lost my usb drive with all the chapters I have written of all my stories=( so I have to start from stratch. My time has been so busy since I work and have classes now. =( But I will try my best to kept up with the chapters frequently. This chapter you find out why Nessie decide to get married Adam months ago. Trust me she had a good reason. Jacob and Nessie also have a nice converstation so I hope you like this chapter and thank you for understanding. THanks for the reviews as well. 110 reviews =D I love you guys and you guys are awesome ! So read, enjoy and tell what you think. =D

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"Nessie, I don't you to feel that I am pressuring you into anything—" He said softly against her neck. He would never want Nessie to be pressured into having sex with him. He would feel horrible if Nessie would regret being with him.

"Jake, I want you so badly," She said kissing him and this drove him crazy. "Are you sure? I mean it something you could never take back," He said worriedly. He worried for her. He wanted everything to perfect for her, she deserve for it to be special.

"Jake, I could never regret you," She said pushing him so he can laid back and straddle his hips. His hands wondered down to his favorite part of her. His hands cupped her backside and he continued kissing her.

"Nessie" he said roughly. He was too aroused, he wanted to make her his but he knew this wasn't the way. She meant too much for him to take her in some old dirty beach. She meant too much for him, she deserved far more than this.

He wanted Renesmee to be his wife first. He became old fashion. Before he met Nessie he would never think about getting married. Now that is everything he could think about.

"Do you love me?" He asked her, she was puzzled. She had no idea where Jacob was going with this.

"Of course" She answered immediately. "I love you," He said and Nessie had no idea what Jacob was thinking about. Jacob noticed how tense Nessie became and he kissed the center of her neck to help her relax. "I want it to be special for you Nessie. For us" The words that Jacob said came as a shock to Nessie. Not because of his want for it to be special for her but for him too. "For us?" She questioned his reasoning.

"Nessie, I want the first time we make love to each other to be special" He said sweetly and timidly. Nessie was touched but she couldn't help to remember he has slept with other girls before. This made her a bit jealous and tense.

Imagining her Jacob being with other girls drove her crazy. She tried to calm down by thinking that was in the past. She felt guilty for thinking about that right now. But yet she was the one who was going to get married to Adam just a couple of months ago.

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The memory of the day of engagement with Adam became present. Nessie told him she had to think about it since they were so young and etc. But, it was all just a pathetic excuse. She didn't love him. She was too scared to tell Jacob what she really felt towards him.

She was scared of Jacob hurting her. She ran out of the restaurant and walked around aimlessly. The need to see him to tell him the truth and what was going on overwhelmed her. She ran and walks thru the woods for an hour until she finally reached Jacob's house around 10:30 at night.

It was Friday night so she never thought Jacob could even is home but she still had to try. She rang the bell a couple of times and Jacob was there to her surprise. He came out in a towel with the smell of beer and cigarettes. It seemed that Jacob was going in the shower.

"Nessie" He said surprised and she just hugged him tightly. "What are you doing here" He exclaimed.

" I have so much to tell you," she said crying and stopped when there was noise in the kitchen. "Jacob baby who is that? The shower is ready for us" A high-pitched annoying voice grew louder and louder. Then small framed blonde came into the view with Jake's shirt barley covering her.

"Who is this?" She said rudely and she just stepped away from him. It didn't take a genius to figure out what went on here. "I was so stupid" She exclaimed. "Nessie" He called after her. He knew he made a mistake by sleeping with Lisa.

Nessie ran home and hopelessly cried on her way there. Adam was they're waiting for her worried. Then she knew he would always be there for her. That when she made up her mind: She was going to marry Adam.

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And she knowsthe past is just the past and It shouldn't matter right now. But, yet it manages to bother her.

Jacob knew her too well, he sense that there is something wrong with her. She got off his hips and just lay there on top of the blanket next to his arms. She was angry with herself for ruining something so special. They no longer were face to face. He knew she needs some comforting and affection. He just spooned her and pressed her to his body tightly. "Tell me what is wrong? " He said placing his head on her shoulder. " I don't want you to be mad," She said turning around to face him. " I could never get mad at you. Tell Me," He said sweetly and nervously.

"Its stupid" She took a deep breath. "Jake. I am not mad or angry. I am …jealous" She confessed and broke her eye contact with him. "Jealous? What are you jealous of? I love you sweetie more than anything else in this world" He said rapidly and surprised. Didn't she know how much she meant to him? How aroused she made him feel? How desperately he wanted her?

"Jacob…you have already made love with other girls…and I don't know… it made me feel jealous" She said shyly. "I never made love with anyone else. It was just sex without any feelings behind it. With you it will be something different. I love you, Renesmee," He said kissing her softly.

She believes in him and what he told her recently. "I love you too Jake. Sorry for—" She started to say but Jake interrupted her with a sweet kiss. Jacob understood the origin of the jealousy especially since the Lisa incident.

"Nessie, I want the first time we make love to be on our wedding night" He confessed timidly. He was scared that Nessie would view him as corny.

What he just said touched Nessie's heart; she hugged him tightly and kissed him passionately. "Jacob that is seriously one of the most sweetest things I have ever heard" She whispered to him.

"So is that a yes on the waiting?" He said with a hint of smile and happiness. "Of course" She said and hugged him and slowly got off him. Jacob missed her presence. Then he wonders if he could wait until their wedding night? He knew it was going to be some hard days ahead of him.

Then the moment was interrupted by Jacob's phone. It was Embry.

"Jacob we are going to have a bonfire are you in or are you out?" He said immediately.

Embry was in the serious need to drink and party since he was recently single again!

Nessie overheard the conversation and she immediately nodded yes. She knew Jacob would like to be with his pack brothers.

"Yes, we will be right over to help with the food and stuff" Jacob said over the phone. While, Nessie put on her shirt and Jacob got up from the blanket. He delicately helped Nessie get up from the blanket. She folded up the blanket neatly and held Jacobs hands as they walked over to the car, to drive back to the house.

Nessie was helping out to get the hamburgers, cheeseburgers and hotdogs ready. Preparing the salads and the sides dishes. As usually the boys went out to buy the alcohol: beer and vodka. At night, Nessie was helping out at the grill along with Jacob. The ambiance was great. People were having fun and dancing.

That is until Leah and her friends came into the picture. They ride up here with their motorcycles, trying to look as badass. Leah hated Nessie with a passion. She hated everything she stands for: love and truce. She hated the way people loved her so easily.

The way that Jacob went from hating vampires and went to loving them because of her, this show her how strong imprinting bond is? Renesmee didn't like the way Leah looked at her constantly and how rude she is with her. Jacob would be constantly does her side trying to defend her in whatever rude remarks make Leah about her.

Nessie would try her best to ignore or if things got really heated she would say something right back. Leah came and started to drink immediately. By this time everyone was already fed and just sitting around the bonfire. She would be making rude remarks about her to her friends. Nessie just ignore her and Jacob just kept his arms around her as sign of protection. "Renesmee, I am so sorry for my sisters behavior" Seth said as came to sit near Jacob and Nessie.

"Oh Seth, you don't have to excuse yourself for you sister behavior" She said sweetly. Trying to make Seth feel better because he really felt torn. "I have a great idea! Lets all have motorcycle race," Embry said as he stared at the motorcycles that were near the bonfire.

"Don't you even think about it" Leah said getting in the way between Embry and her motorcycle. "Leah you don't have to be scared that I am going to win you" He said with a smirk on the face. He knew exactly what to say to piss Leah off.

"You are not," Leah said pushing her motorcycle. "Come on lets do this," She said walking away and going into the abandon streets of La Push. They were going to race in the roads near the woods, which made things more difficult. Everyone left to watch them race including Jacob and Nessie.

Jacob kept Nessie close to his arms since she was cold. She was barley wearing a tank top and shorts. Leah ended up winning and she evilly smirked. She got an idea. "Renesmee you want to be next?" Nessie froze as soon as she heard that and Jacob growled.

"Shut the fuck up Leah" Jacob growled and almost went towards her. The only thing stopping him was Nessie being in the middle of them both. "Sorry Jacob, I didn't ask you. I just ask Nessie. Come on I will go easy on you" Leah said evilly and Nessie couldn't take anymore.

She wanted her to shut up. She was going to race her. She has ridden motorcycles before in Settle. She was a bit of adrenaline junkie in high school. " Don't go easy on me. I will do it and I want you to bring your best" Nessie said with her best fierce voice she had.

"Nessie NO! You will get hurt" He said immediately.

"What is the difference? You and Bella always went motorcycle riding all the time. In fact, didn't she come to you repair her motorcycles" She said evilly. Leah knew that Nessie didn't know about Jacob and Bella past. "Really?" Nessie innocently not knowing what evil plan Leah had behind her. "Yes, it was something stupid and careless" He said furiously. Thinking that Leah better not tell Nessie about his past with Bella.

His past with Bella would devaste Nessie. He knew she deserve to know the truth but the fear of loosing her was too great.

"Don't worry Jake, I will be careful" she said hugging him.

"I want to end this once and for all" She whispered in her ear.

Jacob had a bad feeling in his gut. He had a feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Nessie left his side and went to put her helmet on. Jacob was there dumbfounding hoping that nothing bad is going to happen.

"Get Ready, Get Set, GO!" One of Leah's friend screamed out and they were off.

Leah was coming in first at the beginning and Nessie was coming in close second. Then suddenly Nessie became first by long run.

Then Nessie came to the finish line and suddenly she notice something was wrong with her motorcycle. She was unaware that this was all a set up one of Leah's friends. She cut her brake line, to give Nessie a "little scare". Though they were all blinded by hatred. None of them thought how badly they could they really hurt her.

She couldn't come to a stop and she was scared because she was going very fast. Too fast to even try to slow down. Her heart to race because of the fears that she right now face, she should have listened to Jacob.

"Jacob!" She screamed as she past by the crowd of people. She was heading towards the woods and then came on to a bumpy road. She was loosing control really fast, since the speed they were going was increiablly fast. Then she notice there was the road was going to come to an end and there was a huge cliff.

So she quickly made up the decision to throw herself off the motorcycle. She jumped out of there and rolled down the hill. The rocks would bruise her along the way. She felt a huge pain in her leg from the impact and in her neck. It all came to an end when her fraigle body hit a huge rock and hurting her neck. The pain was too unbearable to handle and she lost consiousness.

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Don't hate me for what happen to Nessie. Trust me everything has a purpose! oh yeah, I don't have a title for this chapter. SO how about you give me some suggestions for titles and i will pick one? =D Remember Review !


	24. Let Her Go

_**hey y'all. I am gonna tried to post the chapter weekly or bi weekly depending on the school work I have. I will not stop writing the story no matter how long I might take. I just love this story to much. Please don't hate this chapter. Please ! Don't hate me for Edward and Bella they just want the best for Renesmee. I don't know how you feel of me mentioning Renesmee's eating disorder. But her eating disorder affects the way her parent treat her, so its an important part of the story. Just remember those things. =D please review ! The story will get better after this just trust me ! Review and have a lovely week.**_

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"C-Coma" Jacob said stuttering he could not believe the words that Carlisle was saying. His Nessie in a coma. He couldn't believe it.

"Jacob, we just have to wait until she wakes up" He said with a hint of hope. Nessie's eating disorder weakened her body. Nessie even broke her leg in three places.

"Carlisle we cannot wait and see" Jacob said desperately. He felt that Nessie's accident was caused by his fault.

"Jacob there is nothing else we can do expect wait" Carlisle was trying to explain to him. Jacob needed her to be awake and by his side. He needed her like he needed water. He needed her for survival.

"Can I go see her?" He asked hopelessly. This was the worst thing that could have ever happened to him. The pain he was indescribable. The pain that he felt when his mother died or about his father heart attack felt nearly as bad as having Nessie in coma.

"Sure, just for a while though. You need your rest too" He said softly. Carlisle was also saddened because of his granddaughter. He loves Nessie. He hoped that she will get out of this sooner or later.

"Whatever" Jacob said angrily. How could he even think about sleeping or resting while Nessie was in hospital?

He just needed the doc's permission. As soon he entered the room his heart fluttered. Seeing Nessie asleep with a neck brace and leg brace broke his heart.

He leaned over her bed and held her soft white hand within his. "I am so sorry" He whispered privately to her.

"I know you hear me Nessie. Please come back. Please" He said as he kneels to the floor and hugged her side.

"I know I have never told you this before but you taught me how to live again" He confessed and regretted that he never told her this before.

"Before you came along I lived my life without a care about me or anybody. Then you come along one day and taught me how to love care and live for someone again. You made me better" He said crying by her side.

He knew he had to be strong but he couldn't. Not with Nessie like this. This world was falling apart as he breathed.

"Please, Please, open your beautiful brown eyes and come back to me baby" He said kissing her hand.

"Please" He said kissing her hand. He wanted her to wake up and say "I gotcha you" and hugged him tightly in her arms.

Carlisle, Edward and Bella entered then interrupting his private moment with Nessie. He immediately wiped his tears away.

"What happened" Bella demanded as she started at her daughter stable body.

"You filthy dirty mutt" Edward launched at Jacob but Carlisle stopped him. "How could you let Nessie get on the motorcycle? How could you! It's your fault she is in here like this" Edward growled.

"You don't need to tell me it was my fault. I know that already" Jacob said pushing Edward in the wall.

"Stop it!" Bella shrieked. Bella was angry both at Edward and Jacob. "Nessie is in a coma and you both are fighting like barbarians. If you want punch each other it take it somewhere else but you both leave this room this instant" She said angrily.

"Bella" Edward said apologetically.

"I just don't want to hear it Edward" She said coldly. For the first time in her existence she did not expect Edward apology.

"Bella is right son. Nessie needs our support more than ever" Carlisle said as they all stared at Nessie and hearing the heart machine monitor her heartbeat. They all lived with the fear the time Nessie hear would just give out.

"Jacob, you are forbidden to ever see Nessie ever again" Edward said at him. Jacob stared in disbelief.

"You can't do that Edward. Sorry to say this but she gets to decide that" Jacob said bitterly.

"Edward" Bella stared in disbelief. She knew how was it to live without the person she loves and she would never want that for Nessie.

"What! Nessie needs someone to protect her and to look after her" Edward said

"Oh right because you are the perfect example to follow. Your daughter almost died from Anorexia. That shows you did such a good job protecting her than to" Jacob yelled at him.

Jacob immediately regretted the words he had just sad. He knew how hurt Edward was and it was low of him using it against him.

"You are right" Edward said painfully. His stone like figure went to see the cloudy night sky.

"But you haven't done a good job protecting her either" Edward said he remember what he read in Seth's thoughts.

Edward heard about how ashamed that his own sister would hurt someone like that. Seth overheard a conversation that Leah and her friend Brooke were having.

"You couldn't even protect her from your own people" Edward threw back.

"What are you even talking about Edward" Jacob said confused and angry.

"Leah did this to Nessie" Edward said and Bella gasped.

"What?" Jacob said astonished and gasped as well. "How would even-" Then he remembered about Edward supernatural "gift".

"How- I don't understand why?" Jacob said as he couldn't believe Leah would do something like this. Though deep inside he knew how bitter Leah was. She also did refer to her as the bloodsucking leech.

Jacob knew of how much Leah hated Nessie and never even thought she would hurt her.

"Leah was jealous of Nessie. She was jealous of what she meant to the tribe and to you. She was the peace treaty of centuries of fighting. She was the symbol of love" He said staring at her.

Then he knew that he had to protect her from harm. He had to protect her from Leah and other people like her. People who did not understand about imprinting or love.

"I should have protected her from her. I shouldn't have let her on the motorcycle. I should know Leah's intentions" He said bitterly and angrily.

Edward was right he couldn't protect her. If he couldn't protect her, he had no right to love her.

Hearing Jacob's thoughts, Edward wandered off to memory lane as well. To a night that he could erase from his memory forever.

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Edward walked angrily to Nessie's room. "What have you eaten today?" He yelled at her. He knew she would just lie and lie.

"Well, for breakfast I had some oatmeal and for lunch I-" She started to say and Edward just grabbed her and put her over his shoulder.

"Eat this Nessie" HE growled and Nessie threw the plate in the floor.

"Why don't you believe me? I am okay. I am not hungry" She yelled at him. At this point her anorexia had gotten really bad. Her barley weighed 90 pounds.

He pulled out bread and peanut butter. He violently put the bread in her mouth, nearly choking her.

He gotten really desperate, she was being stubborn. She forcibly ate the bread and the bread that came after that. She was crying and shaking violently.

After she finishing chewing the second bread, she pushed the plate away. "I can't do this. I can't" She said running to the bathroom.

As she was going to lock the bathroom, her father came into the bathroom with her. "Lets see if you can purge in front of me" He said with the slightest hope Nessie will feel shame that she will stop.

"Get out! GET OUT"" Nessie said angrily. "Do it than. Purge in front of me" Edward said hoping that Nessie wouldn't do it. Edward hoped if he challenges her she would stop purging.

That all ended when Nessie leaned over the toilet and threw it up. Edward just stood there puzzled and shocked. Nessie had a serious problem. The shame and the fear that she felt for food was so big that she was even willing to do in front of her father.

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At that point Edward realized that he was losing his daughter to death. He vowed to himself that he would try to save her from death itself.

Now Edward is facing a similar situation as that night. Of course, this time was different Nessie had a motorcycle accident that was caused by Leah.

Edward couldn't help to think that if Jacob wouldn't have imprinted on Nessie, this would have never happen.

Edward saw Jacob as danger. If it wasn't for Jacob Renesmee would be in their living room watching a movie instead of being here.

He wanted a lot more for his only daughter. He wanted her to grow up and see the world. To live and experience new things. He feared for the way Renesmee has been acting lately.

Renesmee would go around the Auto Shop and help Jacob manage it. Help Jacob with his dad and his responsibilities. He felt she was settling too soon. She was barley eight years old and she hasn't even been to college yet. He understood that she will find a man some day and marry him, but he at least expected it to be much later.

He wishes for her to go college and graduate. He wished for her to have all the stuff he didn't have. She hopefully would have the rest of existence to be grown up and wife.

"Give her four years" He mumbled. Jacob did not understand what he meant by four years.

"What?" He said trying to understand what was going on through his mind.

"Give her the opportunity to see the world Jacob. I am not telling you for you never to be with her again but let her live Jacob. You been able to live your live so let her live hers" Edward proposed and he hope Jacob would say yes.

"I don't understand Edward" He mumbled. Bella intervene as she understood what Edward was thinking.

"Let Renesmee go off to college. Let her to live and do of her life what she wants. Let her see the world and open up to new experiences. Four years" Bella said hugging Edward.

"You want me to break up with her" Jacob said in disbelief as he held her hand tightly.

"She will never want to leave your side. If you love is meant to last, you will find each other at the end" Edward said

Jacob stared at the angel lying in bed, as she battled between life and death. He has already hurt her so badly. He remembers the incident with the wolves, her almost marrying another guy, and every tear she has ever dropped because of him.

He only wanted the best for her. Somehow he couldn't to think that he isn't the best for her. He gently placed a kiss in her hand and said "I would love you forever…Goodbye".


	25. Five Seconds

_**HI ! Guess what I found my usb drive and decided to post this chapter up! Don't kill me ! Please don't kill me for what happens to Jacob and NEssie. Don't hate edward and bella too, they are trying to do what is best for their daughter. I know Edward is being a bit harsh but its just fictional. There is a nice "Twist" to this story don't worry. Here on the story will getting super exciting and I know you guys won't be expecting what happens next muahhh! so Review my lovelies! **_

* * *

Two months went by since Jacob said goodbye to Nessie. Soon after he realized he cannot say goodbye without her being okay. Though he would secretly go visit her from time to time.

Carlisle would sneak him when Edward/Bella would be at the house. Carlisle did not agree with Edward and Bella. He felt that Nessie had the right to choose what she wanted in her life.

"Jake, Edward is starting to notice. I can't help you no longer" Carlisle said sadly. He didn't feel right by hiding things with Edward. He had to think about controlling his thoughts.

Jacob sadly said, "It is okay." He knew the final goodbye will come back someday and the day was today.

He couldn't handle seeing her that way.

She was like Sleeping Beauty but she was connected with bunch of machines measuring her heart rate and helping her to breath.

"I can't stand seeing you this way Ness "He said kissing her hand delicately.

" I simply can't. Why are you doing this to me? Saying Goodbye to you could be easier if you were okay and out of this hospital. I just wish I could be with you right now. I hope you understand that I only wanted what is best for you," He said kissing her in her palm.

"I miss you. I miss your hugs and your kisses. I miss the way you would just lighten up my day by your presence. I wish I could hold you in my arms right now and kiss you" Jacob said as his lust increased.

He felt wrong and like a prev. Here Nessie is in a coma and he still will fantasize about having sex with her.

Then he had an idea. Something he wishes to do for such a long time. Give her a kiss.

He knew it would be different since her lips wouldn't be moving along with his, but he had to kiss her a final time before his official goodbye.

He felt like a perv but he still didn't care because he needed her the worst way possible. He brushed her curl from her face and brushed his lips with her.

When he got the courage he kissed her. The kiss wasn't like the other ones they share. This was quite different. It was cold. He needed to feel her sweet hot breath.

He needed a connection with her. "I love you," He whispered without noticing that Nessie's pinky was moving slightly.

She was waking up from the coma. She was like sleeping beauty. She needed a kiss from her prince charming to wake her up from the deep sleep.

Nurse came in as Jacob left her room and she was taking her vitals. As she finishes taking her vitals she noticed something different about her patient. Her vitals were higher then what they were originally.

Nessie finally opened her chocolate brown eyes and stared at the room confused. She didn't know what was going on. She just felt that a big part of her was missing. She was incredibly dizzy and confused.

She felt a huge lump in her throat preventing her to speak. She just started to cry. It was an overwhelming sad feeling; she couldn't help but to cry.

There were tears falling from her sweet face. "Dr. Cullen" the nurse called for him. "Dr. Cullen" the nurse screamed again.

"Renesmee" He said surprised as he stared at her crying. "Why are you crying sweet heart?" He said as he was checking her heartbeat.

"How do you feel?" He asked as he checked for her reflexes. "Do you remember what happen? " He said as he forced Nessie to remember what happen.

"Motorcycle wouldn't stop," She breathed out as she kept on sobbing. She didn't know why she was crying but she felt like crying. It was like if she was mourning over something she lost.

"Yes, Renesmee. Sweetie, what is wrong?" Carlisle asked as tears fell from her eyes.

"Dunne" Renesmee said again. "Jacob" She asked

As she asked for Jacob, her parents walk into the door. "Sweetheart, you are awake" Bella said as she hugged her tightly.

"Where is Jacob?" She asked confused. She was unaware of the amount of time has gone by since the accident. She wanted to be with Jacob.

"Jacob is doing stuff. Honey, how do you feel?" Bella answered her but she was worried. She didn't know how to tell her about Jacob.

"Drowsy. What is wrong with me?" She asked Carlisle.

"Sweetie, when you fell, you hurt your head. You were in a coma for three months sweetheart" Carlisle said checking her IV.

"Three months" She said softly. She couldn't believe how much time has gone by. She felt exhausted and confused.

She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep again. She was placed under observation for a month before she was released to go home.

Carlisle was monitoring her heartbeat, weight and getting physical therapy for her broken leg. Especially her weight, she lost around 25 pounds while she was in a coma. Renesmee had to gain ten pounds before she left the hospital.

During her stay in the hospital she tried to text, call, and even email Jacob. But, she would get no response. She felt so confused. During her coma she slightly remember his sweet husky smell and beautiful voice talking to her.

On the car ride home was quiet. Renesmee barley talked after she woke up from her coma. She kept conversations at a minimal.

She felt there was a part of her that went missing in that accident.

"Honey, Grandma is cooked all your favorites" Bella said happily. She was glad to have her daughter back home safe and sound.

"Great" Renesmee said sarcastically " I am going to my room and take a nap first " She said going to her room. She stared at herself in the mirror and she didn't recognize the person who was looking back.

Tears slip through her eyes and went to rest on the bed. She needed him so bad. She needed his arms around her. She needed his body heat to feel warm. She needs for his support and to talk to him.

Her parents were over-bearing talking about colleges and the future. Every minute of the day was being planned and carefully monitored. She stared at the engagement ring on her finger and suddenly it didn't feel right anymore.

There laid the pink laptop that she left there before going to the bonfire that night.

She quickly opened it up and there it was Jacob was signed in on msn. She needed him so bad. She was mad that he wasn't there for her when she needed him.

Did he have something else more important to do? Did she even matter anymore to him? There was no phone call or even a text message from him.

"Jake" She I.M. him and hoped for a response. The most cowardly thing Jacob could have he did. He signed off.

* * *

After a week Renesmee was hit with the news that the whole family is moving again. Since they came out of "Hiding"(because of Nessie's accident) and people became suspicious after seeing them. It was appropriate if they move because people were starting to talk.

"Everything is ready for the move to Connecticut and later on to Pennsylvania." Alice said happily

"That is great. The house is beautiful and I can't wait until I decorated it" Esme said as she started repacking kitchen supplies and other appliances.

"Yeah sadly, we could not stay here for longer. I missed Forks. Hopefully we can come visit soon" Bella said sadly. She will miss her father a lot. He has gotten better and did not need of her help as much.

Bella promised to often visit but she had to move to protect her family.

"When she we start to head out to the other side of the country?" Emmett asked as he carried the heavy cardboard box out to the garage.

"Nessie is leaving to San Francisco for the spring semester of the academic year. Which starts in two days. After she goes to college we could leave for Connecticut" Bella was telling Edward.

"Yes that will be quite wonderful" Edward said kissing her cheek.

"Everything is packed for when she was going in the Fall Semester. Comforter, blankets, clothes, toiletries, and other necessities" Alice said happily clapping her friends.

Nessie was starting to bug out because she was sitting there and she felt ignored. She insistently told her parents she is not going to San Francisco but her parents kept on making plans without her consent.

"Why are you talking like If I am not even here"! She yelled. "Its my life! Mine not your or daddy's ! It mine! And I want to go to Forks Community College" She yelled again.

"Renesmee you should not confined yourself to this town. Honey you will like San Francisco and you will meet new people" Edward said happily.

"I don't want to go. My life is at Forks and with Jacob" She said crying. She was so unhappy.

"Your life is with a person who hasn't called you for the past five months. A person who hasn't even gone to visit you in the hospital" Edward said angrily.

Renesmee just ran to the room after she heard her father cruel words. Her father was right. He didn't care about her anymore. She cried for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next day when she finally had the courage to go find him. She needed an answer from him. Why!

Why was he acting this way? Why was he avoiding her? Did she do something wrong?

Her excuse for leaving the house was to buy college stuff. Her parent surprisingly believed her.

She needed an answer and wasn't going to leave before getting one.

"Jacob" She said as she climbed into the window of his apartment building.

Jacob was there with a towel covering his modesty and surprised. Then it was completely overcome by another emotion fear. Was she really climbing the window when she recently got out of a coma Does she want to end up in the hospital again?

"Renesmee" He said softly. "What are you doing here?" He said seriously.

"What are you doing here? That what I get after five months of not seeing you" Renesmee said bitterly. Jacob stood there in silent.

"Jacob what happened? Tell me please? I need to know. What is wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Nessie pleaded to know what was wrong.

How did thing go from being so good to being horrible?

"You didn't do anything wrong" He said hesitantly. It wasn't her fault; he made the promise to her parents. The last thing she needed is to feel guilty.

"Jacob, I miss you and I love you so much. Why weren't you at the hospital? Why aren't you hugging me right now?" She demanded to know what was wrong.

The man she loves so much was so cold towards her. She needed to feel his love; she needs to be in his arms.

She instantly ran to her arms and Jacob gave in for five seconds. He hugged her tightly and smelled her rose like hair.

Feeling loved Nessie whispered to Jacob "Jake, my parents want me to go San Francisco. Jake, lets leave please right now. Anywhere, I will go anywhere as long that I am with you" She said as she hugged him tightly.

Jacob felt his heart drop as he thought about what he had to do. "Renesmee" He breathed out. He needed strength; he needed to be strong to do this.

This girl—the girl who he loved so much was willing to run away with him, just so she can be with him.

"It was the best thing for Nessie" He told himself million a times.

He pushed her slightly. God please give me strength for this. "Renesmee, I think you should go. It's a good opportunity for you." He said as he stared how Nessie's eyes were overwhelmed with sadness.

"Jacob why? We wouldn't be together for months. Jake, I want to be with you so bad. I can't leave your side, Jake. I love you." She said kissing his lips lightly.

Oh, baby, I love you too so bad. Please, forgive me for this. Jacob thought as he kissed her.

"Things have change while you were in the hospital" Jacob said as he tried to avoid her eyes.

"Change how Jacob?" Renesmee said as her heart skipped a beat. She know something was not right

"I don't want to be with you anymore. There is someone else " He said and Renesmee gasped.

"Well, that does change things. A lot. God, I feel stupid" Renesmee said as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"Enjoy California" Jacob said wishing her the best and hoped that one day she will forgive him. HE hoped for many things. One of them was to have Nessie by his side again.

"Jake, is that what you really want to tell me" He nodded

Jake, I can't believe this… I trusted you…I loved you" Renesmee said in disbelief.

"Things change" He said coldly. He hated himself for hurting this way. He turned away because if he saw her beautiful sad brown eyes, he would change his mind.

She headed towards the door but then stopped and said: "The reason why I fought against you in the beginning was because of this right here" She said hysterically.

"I think you will want to give this to the other girl" She said heart broken as she took off the engagement ring and gave to Jacob.

"I didn't want to be the girl crying at nights with the broken heart. But don't worry you will be forgotten and you will be nothing but a bad memory. " She yelled and ran out the door. She was determined to do anything to get Jacob out of her heart.

She drove to the house and angrily slammed the car door. Her parents were packing up the rest of their belongings.

She is wiping her tears as she heads towards her room and says " I guess you win! I am going to San Francisco"!


	26. Her Everything

_**Hey y'all! Here goes another update. I decide to write before I got very busy with school work and my job. SO here it goes. I am not sure when the next update is going to be but don't forget to review! Thanks for those who review I greatly appreciate it. So here goes another chapter.**_

Her parents knew better than to ask what was wrong. Seeing how upset Nessie was that day made them wonder if they did the correct thing. But it too late now to go and change things.

Nessie stared at the silent dark night, hugging her pillow tightly against her body. She didn't cry that day. It hurt too much to cry.

The feeling that a great part of her was still with him. She felt like a fool because she trust and loved him so blindly.

She told him things she has never told anyone before. That what made him special and different from everyone else.

Tears weren't enough for what she felt. . She felt that if she started to cry she would never stop. So she didn't... she just stayed silent letting the pain eat her alive slowly.

* * *

"Nessie are done packing the stuff you want us to take to Connecticut" Alice asked her as Renesmee through some random things in a box.

'Yes this is the last box" She said as she carried it to the garage and placed it in Emmet's car.

It was mid afternoon, they had to be leaving for San Francisco soon. She had to move in by 7 pm.

"Honey, are ready to leave" Bella said.

"Yes" Renesmee said dully.

"Okay lets go" Edward said standing behind Bella.

"NO. You and mom are not coming with me. I will go to San Francisco by myself" She said firmly.

"Nessie its a new city" Edward exclaimed.

"I don't care. You want me to have the human experience. Regular college student drive to school by themselves" She said interrupting Edward, and started hugging /kissing everyone goodbye.

"She is right" Emmett said jokingly.

"Emmett don't help her" Edward said seriously.

"Bye mom and dad" She said hugging them a final time. She wouldn't be seeing them until Spring break. She will going to Connecuit for that break.

"Bye sweetie. Take a break if your tired. If you feel sick or something call us and we-" Bella was saying until Renesmee interrupted.

"Everything will be fine" Renesmee said dully as she climbed into the car and started driving away.

This is it she thought. She will never see him again. She thanked her vampartic abilities for remember map quest directions so perfectly. She got there in timely fashion.

She arrived to her hall, Gillson Residence Hall academic experience for first year students.

Everyone was so happy to be there and she was so unhappy. In fact she was miserable. She wanted to be back at forks with Jacob. Then she remember "Jacob doesn't want her anymore". She parked the car and went in to check in.

Then the student staff quickly went to help her out to unload her car. She was sharing a room with a girl called Sandra Fernandez.

The student staff were quite fascinated with her. Especially the guys.

They practically wouldn't leave the room and she practically hear them talking about her from down the hall.

Thanks to her vampire abilities she unpacked the room less than two hours.

Sandra was a nice friendly girl from Arizona. She moved in this semester too. She went on for a hour talking about her family. I could tell she was missing them a lot.

Then Sandra shifted their conversations to Nessie's family. She shared a few stories but nothing too big. Nessie doesn't trust her enough to tell her anything to private.

Nessie sat there at her desk waiting for laptop to start up and then his picture appeared in her desktop. The picture they took at the beach. She was placed between his legs and he was hugging her around her waist.

While she kissed his cheek and he was looking down at her. She felt her heart jump into pieces as she saw that picture.

"Is that your boyfriend" Sandra asked innocently not knowing the pain that Nessie felt when seeing this picture.

"Was" She said seriously and Sandra knew not to ask even further.

"Oh" SHe said immediately changed her background to fairies. She always loved fairies.

It gave her something to believe in when she could not believe in anything else. The days she lost complete hope and thought she was going to die due to anorexia.

When she survived she knew in order to get better she had to believe in recovery. She had to believe that life was something worth fighting for. Now she has to believe that stuff happens for a reason and Jacob was never "Mr. Right".

Sandra seeing Nessie's sudden mood change, she decide to go walk around campus. Nessie seeing that she was all alone in the room, she pulled out the scale.

She stepped on it and it said 104 pounds.

* * *

"What do you want Seth?" Jacob yelled over the phone. It was 4o'clock in the morning, he wanted to sleep. He just fell asleep recently, he wanted his rest.

"Its Nessie, she at the hospital" Jacob heartbeat just increased. "HUH? What? why?" Jacob responded as he started putting on some clothing.

"She is having complications from her eating disorder" Jacob heart fell into pieces. He couldn't help but to feel guilty.

"Fuck" Jacob said hanging up the phone and driving to the only hospital they have in Forks.

"Jacob she came by to visit Charlie and she was just so thin. She was barley holding herself up. She fainted in the living room floor" Seth explained.

"I need to see her" Jacob said barging in the door.

His heart broke even further as soon as he saw her. She was dying. Tears spilled over his eyes as he saw her battling for life.

She was so pale, her skin was a pasty white. Her breathes were abnormal. She was having a difficulty breathing.

He immediately went to touch her hand so she feel his presence. He was caught off guard by how icy cold her hand was.

There were more bruises and cuts near her knuckles. It happens becomes of frequent purging.

Her eyes weakly opened up, to reveal such a sadness. "Jac-Jac- Jacob" She said gasping for air.

"I am so sorry. I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have lied to you and told you there was someone else because there wasn't" Jacob said remorsefully.

"Too-gasp- late" Nessie said

" I have only loved you Renesmee. That has never nor it will change" Jacob crying.

"Jacob,love too. But, you-gasp- will have to mo-mo- move on. I am dy-dying. I can't fight-gasp- this anymore. it won" Nessie said as Jacob shook his head no.

"Nessie, you are strong enough, please baby" He said wrapping his arm around her thin waist line.

"Lead -gasp- a good life" Nessie said comforting him by soothing his back.

"How can I lead a good life? If the only thing good and worth living for is you" Jacob said.

"Love you" Nessie said as she breathed her final breath and died.

Jacob clung on to her body even more and cried like he has never cried before. " Come back" HE would say repeatedly.

* * *

"Jacob- Jacob" His father shook his leg so he can wake up. "Jacob it was just a dream" Billy said repeatedly.

Jacob stared around the room and was hyperventilating.

" It was so Real" He said trying to regulate his breath.

"Nessie?" Billy asked though he already knew the answer. Jacob was having nightmares ever since Nessie left for San Francisco.

"Yeah" He said as he checked his eyes and they were still tearing.

"Boy, you are as dumb as you can get. You are thick headed just like your mother was, always so willing to "sacrifice yourself for the ones you love" Billy said hitting Jacob softly in the back in the head.

"It the best for her" Jacob said stubbornly.

"Don't you think she should decide what is best for her? The poor girl has been constantly told what to do and never had a say in anything. No wonder she has a eating disorder. Everyone tells her what to do and the only thing she was able to control was what she ate" Billy said as Jacob just sat there listening to his wise father.

"And what I say everyone- I am including you" Billy said seriously.

"What why ?" Jacob said angrily. He didn't want to be categorized with vampires.

"You didn't give her choice. You made the decision for her. You made a deal with her parents without considering how it might affect her. You hurt her" Billy said trying to reason with his stubborn son.

"She will move on- that is what she told me " Jacob sounded hurt as he remember the last words that Renesmee said to him before she left.

"Would you move on? " Billy ask. Jacob was scared to answer. " Boy, why aren't you in your apartment living there ? It reminds you of her doesn't it ? Why aren't you out with your friends every night like before you meet her?"

Jacob finally answered "Nothing is the same without her in my life".

"Why would you doubt that she is not feeling the same way you are feeling?" Billy asked.

"You could tell just by how Nessie looked at you that you were everything for her" Billy said as Jacob listened. Then realize of his lack of judgement.

Jacob quickly got out his bed and showered. He quickly got dressed and said good bye to his father. " I have to go get my girl back".

It was around 9 am when he arrived to her dorm. He was quick nervous and did not know what to expect.

He knocked softly and prayed that she was in there. Then the door opened softly and a sleepy Nessie was standing at the door.


	27. Letting It Out

**A/N:**_** Hey y'all! How was your thanksgiving? I hope it was great and you all ate yummy food! lol well this chapter you get a view of how college life goes for Nessie. Trust me she hates every second of it. SO REVIEW! and tell me what you think. More you review the quicker I post up the NEXT Chapter ! so hit the little green button and trust me the next chapter there is a nice suprise =D **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! I wish I did though ! **_

_**Twitter Me: ToBelieve15**_

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"You're like an Indian summer  
In the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy  
With a surprise center  
How do I get better  
Once I've had the best  
You said there's  
Tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test"

Thinking of you- Katy Perry

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Days never been so long and nights never been so short. Sleeping was the perfect way to forget the pain she felt. The pain that will kill her one day if she tried to numb or stop it.

She didn't know how to live life without him. Was she suppose to start dating someone else ?

She knew eventually she did but she didn't want to. She didn't want anyone else but him but then she remember he doesn't want her anymore.

Nessie never dream anymore or she did not remember it. The pain would go numb just for a couple of hours then it will gain it force when she will wake up.

She felt lonely again, she needed someone to lean on but she had no one. Her family was in the other side of the country. The remainder of having to be strong is what kept her alive.

Sandra knew that Nessie was suffering from a broken heart so she decided to keep her distance but she let her know she was there if she ever needed anything.

Nessie barley had any friends. The guys where worshipping Nessie by her feet but she hated all the attention she recieved from the opposite sex. Of course most of the girls hated her because of all the attention she drew.

The guys who live on her floor were practically drooling all over her. She just shoved it away, she couldn't imagine herself any one but Jacob. She did a good job holding the pain in until one day. SHe decided to go out to the movie with Sandra.

Thinking she was "over" the break-up, she did not oppose seeing the love film. She abrutly left the theater and made her way to the parking lot. Before she can even get into her car, she dropped on her knees and started crying.

She was letting out a lot of pain and she hoped one day she will heal. Sandra did nothing but hug her and told her to "let it all out". Sandra observe Nessie and she knew she had heartbroken. An a hour past before she was able to get into the car and drive back to their dorm.

Nessie sat in her bed and took off her light sweater. "So I am guessing you want to hear the story?" Nessie said wiping her tears.

Sandra took off her flats and sat on the bed. "Only if you want to tell me. I don't want you to feel pressure"

"I will give you the short version. We were in engaged. Everything was happy and all I wanted to do is to be with him. But then I had a motorcycle accident was left in a coma for three month" Sandra patted her softly in the back.

"I wake up from the coma and everything was different. He didn't visit or even answer none of my phone calls. Then one day I got courage and went to his house to ask him what was wrong" Nessie said wiping tears away.

"He told me he found someone else" Nessie started crying even harder. "What an ass!" Sandra exclaimed and hugged her tightly. Then suddenly Sandra phone went off and she picked it up with one hand. she kept one hand on NEssie still hugging her.

"Hello" Sandra answered and "Are you serious" Sandra exclaimed. Then nessie pulled away and noticed Sandra on the verge of crying there. "I will be right there as soon as I can" Sandra said hunging up the phone.

"Is everything okay, Sandra?" Nessie asked as she saw Sandra crying.

"My mom and brother got in car accident. I am going home for the weekend" Sandra said getting up and pulling a bag from under her bed. She started packing it and then stopped and looked at Nessie.

"Are you going to be fine?" Sandra said looking at Nessie

"Yes Sandra. Your mom is more important anyway" Nessie said wiping her tears away and helped her pack her bag.

Sandra quickly left the room, hugging Nessie goodbye, so she can drive back home for the weekend. Nessie changed clothes to her pajamas and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

It was around nine when Nessie heard a knock on the door. She shrug it thinking it was one of the annoying boys from down the hall. She all she wanted is her sleep. Since the knock persist, she quickly got up the bed and open the door.

She stared at him for a few seconds, she started shaking her head "No", she mentally said " i can't do this right now" and closed the door in his face.

"Renesmee, please let me in" Jacob said in hush tones.

"Jacob, I don't want to see you right now" She said leaning against the door. She was barley making through the day without crying over him. Seeing him would make matters worst. Having him so close and not being able to be with him hurts her.

"Please let me talk to you and I will leave then I promise" Jacob said

"Just leave" Renesmee said crying on the floor.

"Please Ness, I promise just 5 minutes then I will leave" Jacob said seriously. She just sat there crying silently.

"I won't leave until I talk to you" Jacob said seriously. Nessie knew he meant business.

She wiped her tears away and took deep breathes. She opened the door and gave him her back. She couldn't see him.

"You have five minutes" She said bitterly.

"I want to say I am sorry-" Jacob started said before Nessie interrupted him.

"Sorry is accepted now leave" She said opening the door for him. Nessie was on the defense and her guard was up. She swore that she nobody was going to hurt her the way Jacob did ever again.

That includes Jacob.

"I been driving since four the morning and I am not going to leave until you listen to me" Jacob said seriously.

"Well, I didn't ask you to come here" Renesmee exclaimed.

"Ouch- Nessie" Jacob said. Hearing Nessie hostility hurt him. A Lot. Maybe she didn't care for him anymore? Maybe his plan worked too well.

"Look Jacob" Renesmee said sternly. "I don't mean to be rude but you should just leave. There is no point of you loosing your time here " Renesmee said hesitantly until Jacob interrupted her.

" I made a huge mistake back in Forks. I told you those things to force you to come here" Jacob confessed

"What?" Nessie said surprise and couldn't believe the words that Jacob was saying.

"Jacob, stop lying to me. You don't have to feeling guilty. People's relationship don't always work and its fine" Nessie said rambling. She wanted to be realistic she couldn't be Jacob. She refused to be played with again. She didn't want his pity.

"I don't feel guilty, Nessie. I feel like an ass for letting the love of my existence leave me. I should have been different and shouldn't make a decision for you . " Jacob said getting closer to her.

"Different then who, Jacob?" Nessie asked

Jacob tensed and stood there silently. Renesmee immediately knew the answer. The only people who Jacob is willing to cover. My parents. "Oh my god" Renesmee walked away from him and leaned against her dresser.

"My parents. Right Jacob?" She said with a broken voice.

"Don't blame them Nessie. It was my fault none of this would have happen if I would have not agreed" Jacob said defending them.

"Stop defending them Jacob. I am sick and tired of you always taking their side" Nessie screamed angrily.

"Ness, I never wanted you to feel trap or pressure-" Jacob was explaining.

"So you prefer hurting me than letting me make my own decisions" Nessie said angrily pushing and shoving him.

"Can you imagine how badly it made me feel when you told me that there is someone else in your life" She said shoving him into dresser.

"Ness I am so sorry. I wanted you to be happy and not be force to be tied down with me" Jacob blurted out, as he delicately held her to the side, to avoid her shoving him in the drawer again.

"Jake, I wanted to tied down with you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to marry you. That Last day I was in your house, I wanted us to run away together, elope and start lives together" Nessie blurted out. She was screaming a bit because of how angry she was.

"I wanted that for us too. I wanted to start my life with you but I couldnt have you regret making that decision" Jacob said softly

"Why don't trust my judgement Jacob?" She said as tears trail down her soft rosy cheek.

"I do it is just that- I already taking so much from you, Ness" Jacob said as he took a stop closer to her.

"Jake-You have given me everything. You given me so many things, Jake. I can't even begin to tell you" Nessie said as she took a step closer too.

"Sorry Ness. I hurt you so bad. I was hurting too. I always wanted to sleep so I can just have you close in my dreams" Jacob said taking the final steps and wrapping his hands around her waist.

Nessie felt just like home as soon as she was in his arms. But she felt a bit insecure, so she decide to be honest with him. The fear of him leaving her again was big.

"What if you decide to leave me again" Nessie whispered and potentially ruining the moment.

" i won't " Jake said looking at her. He knew he earn her trust back slowly. He knew Nessie too well. She trusted no one and the only person she has ever trusted was him. Then suddenly he tells her there is someone else and goes away. Her guard was up.

"Next time my parents make a decision for me and it does not involve you. or next time you think I been too tied down and need to get the "human experience". How can I know you will always be by my side?" Nessie asked

"You will know from every day you will wake up next to me and from when I kiss you good morning. Nessie I know what is to even try to live without you and it was hell , I couldn't. I love you too much. I need you too much to even try pushing you away from me again" Jacob hugged her tightly.

Renesmee stood there in silent, not sure of what to say next.

"Renesmee, I never stop loving you. There has never been nobody else. Tell me one thing, Nessie" Jacob asked her

"Do you still love me enough to give the opportunity to try regain your trust?" Jacob asked her and Nessie tensed up.

"No I don't" Nessie said


	28. AN

Hi y'all, wow I have not realize how long its been since the last time I updated. I am truly sorry for not updating sooner or leaving this a a/n. I have been going through a personal struggle and I decided to take a break from writing. I am doing better now so I will start as soon as I get my laptop fix. Thanks for reviewing and not forgeting about this story. I hope to put up the next chapter at the lastest 2 weeks. So if you havent yet put this story on alert. Thanks for understanding.


	29. Broken

_**Hey y'all. I am sorry it took me forever to put this up and it took me such a long time to write this chapter. I actually rewrote this chapter like 5 times and all of them were different from one another. I am very satisfied how this chapter came out and I hope you like to. :) so review and let me know what you think. Once again I am soooo sorry for not putting this up earlier. It was very unfair for you guys to be waiting for so long but I never wanted my personal struggles to affect my writing so that why I didnt put it up before. I want to put the next chapter up by next week hopefully. So REVIEW and I hope you like it .  
**_

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"I am sorry Jacob but I cant do this to myself. That day when you told me there was someone else, I was willing to do anything just so I can be with you. Anything Jacob, you name it I would have done it.. no questions ask" Nessie whispered softly.

She shook her head when she remember the stupid idea she had when going to his apartment. Marriage. She was willing to run away get married and start a new life away from all the craziness that surrounds her.

"That is the amount of trust I had for you. Since that day I just feel this pain that has been eating me alive and I thought it will get better if we ever got together again" Nessie said crying.

"But here I am Nessie..." Jacob interrupted her.

"Yes here you are, in front of me and guess what ? The pain is still here and I feel like I want to die. That day you just didnt break my heart, you broke all the trust I had for you" Nessie raised her voice. She had this anger inside of her that was appearing.

"I told you things that no one ever knew. I told you one of deepest darkest secrets and you didnt care. You dont really love me" Nessie said and Jacob felt like he was worst guy on the face on the planet. But he also had anger in dare she doubt the amount of love he had for her?

Jacob quickly pulled her into him and hugged her tightly. "Never question the love I had for you. Never. You can question anything else about this relationship but never question the love I had for you" Jacob said and she just cried in his arms.

"Why? Jacob? Why did you lie to me? Why did you ever think that you leaving me was the right thing to do ? Why didnt you trust I could make my own decisions?" She questioned him and he just hugged her tightly.

He couldn't help to think that where she belonged between his arms. He was hurt that she didnt trust him anymore. He was mad at himself for pushing her away. He was hurt that she was in so much pain and for the first time in his life he couldn't fix it.

He was actually making it worst, well that what he thought anyway. "You are and will always be the most important thing in my life until I die" Without any other word he left and she just left there helplessly crying.

She blame herself for her misery. He wanted to be with her but she just couldnt be with someone who she doesnt trust anymore. She did not want to run the risk of getting hurt again. Though the pain of knowing that things are 100% over with Jacob is 1000% worst then having the little hope that maybe just maybe they will get back together.

There was a weak part of her that wanted to run after him and try to work things out. She has too much pride, she was too scared of being hurt again. She would not be able to handle another heartbreak.

He returned back to Billy's home and just sat in his room crying over her. She was really gone and was never coming back to him. A part of him always believe that love conquer all but guess he was wrong.

He never ate, he would just sleep so he can dream. In his dreams, she was always there. In his dreams they were always together and had a happy life together. It was a misery waking up and seeing that she was no longer in his life.

Seth looked over the Auto Shop and made sure everything was running smoothly. He saw how much Jacob was hurting over her. He saw how Jacob was growing weaker and sicker as the days went by. No one knew what to do. One thing is to loose the love of your life a completely different thing is to loose your imprint.

Loosing an imprint is like loosing yourself.

The wolves from the pack and people from the reservation grew worried for Jacob. Jacob was terribly ill but no one exactly knew what was wrong with him. Some blamed the lack of nutrition and other blame the lost of an imprint. Either way Jacob was a step from death.

Everyone grew desperate to save Jacob but nothing help. It was like if Jacob gave up on trying to live. One day desperate that Jacob still remain unresponsive, Billy called Nessie.

He begged her to come and visit Jacob. He hoped that having his imprint near will save Jacob from death. Once knowing about Jacob's critical condition, Nessie hopped on the first plane to Forks.

Though they weren't together anymore, she cant have Jacob dying. She wouldn't be able to handle it. She could not live in world where Jacob doesn't exist. Seth was there to greet Nessie and take her to reservation.

When entering his room, Nessie was nervous to see him. She never thought it was possible but her heart broke even more. Jacob lost a considerable amount of weight, pale, and was very sweaty. Nessie always viewed Jacob as this strong invincible man. It hurt her seeing him stuck in a bed.

"Is he running a fever?" She asked as she held his hand. "His body temperature is already naturally high but its higher then usual. So I guess he does have a fever" Seth responded.

"We have tried everything but his temperture wont come down. It almost like he has given up on living" Seth told her.

"i dont know how I am suppose to help Seth. If doctors cannot even help him, how can I?" Nessie asked Seth as teardrops formed in her eyes.

"Renesmee the imprinting bond is one of the strongest bond known. We were hoping if you could spend some time, look after him...maybe just maybe he will respond" Seth explained and Nessie just looked at Seth.

"i will try my best" she said squeaky. She wanted to break down and cry but she couldn't. She had to remain strong. Seth quickly left the room and left Nessie and Jacob alone.

Nessie sat down in a chair next to his bed and just held his hands between hers. "You have to get better Jake. You have to get out of here and continue your life" she said crying.

"It hurts me to see you this way-"

"I just wish this was easier, I miss you so much. I love you. But I guess its all too late now" Nessie whispered.

She kept on talking to him sometimes about school or childhood memories. Sometimes she will get a bowl of cold water and a piece cloth. She will dip the cloth in the cold water and placed it over his forehead.

She spent day and night beside him. She barley spent anytime away from him, just a hour so she can shower and change clothes. She would sleep in the chair beside his bed.

Seth will occasionally come in to keep her company, bring her food and asked her if she needed than that it was always Nessie taking care of Jacob.

Nessie was beginning to grow desperate, she felt useless. She felt that she needed to do something to help Jacob get better. Jacob was one of the strongest man she has ever seen, it hurts her to see him fighting for his life this way.

She just brokedown and cried into his chest. As she cried she like "Please get better Jacob, please dont leave me alone. Not you, please dont leave me" She cried hysterically.

The a low hoarse voice said "Nessie" and he placed his left hand on top of her brown curly hair.

"Jacob" She said lifting her head from her chest. "Nessie" He said sturggling.

"Shhh-dont force yourself to speak Jake. Take it easy" She whispered to him.

"No-" He said struggling to breathe. "Shhh relax Jacob" She pleaded

"I will be right break Jake, I need to call ur dad" She said getting up and he wanted to pull her in but he was still too weak.

She never seen the amount of happiness that she saw in Billys face when she told him Jacob woke up.

Billy cried over the happiness that Jacob woke up. Jacob was still too weak.

Nessie silently left the room to leave Billy and Jacob together. Seth came in as she was wondering around the living room. "Nessie- I heard the great news" He said as he ran to hug her.

"Yeah" She said sadly.

"I thought you will happier" Seth said sweetly

"I am it just that now he woke up I have to leave Seth" She said hugging him. "I actually have to go pack my things and get everything ready for tomorrow" She said wiping her tears away.

"Nessie dont leave just yet. Wait" He said

"I have to Seth, if I dont leave right now I am never going to leave. Trust me its better that way " Nessie said walking out the door. Seth would not stop her because he could not go against her will. Seth has seen how has Nessie has suffered so much.

She saw how thin she has gotten and how much she has been suffering lately. He just wants her to be happy. She deserves to be happy.

Nessie walked into her old room and just called her parents. Of course her parents did not know that she came back to Forks/La Push. She doesnt like lying to them but she does not have any choice.

Her parents like to be controlling and they would have came back to Forks just to check up on her.

She felt thankfully that her family left the furniture and some of her clothing in her room. She looked at herself in the mirror and she barley recognized herself in the mirror.

She has lost too much weight and looked if she in a serious need of sleep. She took a much needed showerand when she came out of the shower there was a surprise waiting for her.


	30. Her North Star

Hey. I know its been such a long time that I have not updated. I have not forgotten about this story, I have just been very busy. This is a very short chapter but there is still a lot more to come. I just wanted to update for the holiday season =D. So review I hope you like it. At the end of this chapter I will give you a sneak peak of where the story is heading to. Enjoy. Review. Happy Holidays.

She stared in disbelief was it possible, Jacob in her bedroom. He was suppose to be resting at home. "What are you doing here? You—" She was too puzzled to even make sense.

"I am here to beg you not to go" Jake said softly.

"Jake, I have to go back. You are all better now and you don't need me anymore" Nessie said softly.

"I need you now more then ever Ness" He said getting up from her bed and walked over to her.

"Jake" she took a deep breath and looked for strength "you shouldn't be telling me things like that"

"Why? If that is the truth, I love you, Ness and I made a huge mistake believing that I could live without you but I can't. I love you too much"

Nessie cried as she heard the words coming out his heart. "We are both obviously suffering because we aren't together anymore. You seem to fragile now, like you can break down any second. I want to be there for you, Ness" He whispered into her ear.

"Tell me Nessie, Tell me that you love me, Nessie. Let me in that heart of yours and I promise not let you down ever again. I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you but please let me in, Ness" Jacob whispered into her ear.

He looked at her carefully into her eyes and leaned in to give her a soft tender kiss on her lips. He bend down on one knee and asked her "Will you marry me?".

He was terrified to know her answer. She was too hurt and she had every right not to trust him but he wondered if her love would overcome her pain and fears.

His words healed the pain and the insecurities she had for so long. She finally stop being so stubborn and realize this is the last shot to work things out with him. She couldn't fight him anymore; she could not fight her destiny. She belongs to him and he belongs to her. She looked at him and told him "yes".

"

"Yes?" Jacob said as he wondered if he heard correctly.

"Yes, Jake. I want to marry you." She said confidently as he hugged her tightly.

Jake started to form tears in his eyes. " I promise, Nessie. I promise you that as long as I live, I will make it my life mission to make you happy". Nessie placed a soft kissed in his lips.

Nessie hugged him tightly and told him "I have been so lost without you" She paused and chuckled softly. "Its like you were my north star and I had no one to guide me". He hugged her tightly.

"I could never tell you how sorry I am for even thinking that we could ever be apart" Jacob whispered softly in her ears.

"I am sorry for being scared. If I would have not let my pride get in the way we could have been together a long time ago" She said

"Don't- Nessie, you had every right to be angry and not trusting me" Jacob said hugging her tightly.

"We are together now. That is all that matters" She said looking at his eyes and smiled.

"I love it when you smile" He said softly placing a kiss on her neck. She looked at him and kissed him.

Their small simple kisses elevated to long passionate ones between their " I loves you".

Jacob wanted to go further but he knew better then to take things too far on the first night they reconcile.

He slowly parted from her so she wont feel rejected. "I love you so much but we cant, Ness. Its too soon. Plus, its looks like you cant break down any minute" He said looking at her dark circles and pale skin.

"It looks like you need your rest" He said as he caressed her face. She smiled because she understood him " You too. I surprised you were able to even come here you just got out of a coma today".

He chuckled " I made quick recovery. We both need our rest" Jacob smiled as they both lay in her bed toget

her. He watched over her while she drifted off to a deep sleep in his arms. Shortly after he fell asleep too.

**What is still yet to come:**

**Getting married/decisions/moving in together/adjusting to life together/jealousy/ fighting/ going back to dancing/ closure for adam/ marriage life/ The Cullen come back/ Find out the "truth"/ and lots more  
**


	31. Authors Note!

Hi guys ! I know its been a year since my update ! BUT life gets complicated at times ! SO i was wondering how many people are interested in my story still ! let me know ! trust me i have many great ideas ! i have been writing again ! I hope you are all doing well !


	32. His everything

**_Hi guys ! Yes ! I am updating and guess what ? It didn't take me a whole year just to make one update! LOL. First: Thank-you ! I was so surprise at the positive reviews I have gotten from the you saying how much you still want me to continue the story. It truly means so much to me. Second, I am not sure who it is. There is one particular review of a "guest" who thanked me for writing about eating disorders and topics that a lot of people do not write or even talk about it. That is the reason why I wrote and chose to write about eating disorder. I suffered in silence with Bulimia for many years and the reason why I stopped writing was when I decided to get treatment for it. Luckily, I am so much better now and i can focus into writing again. SO ! I want to dedicate this chapter to that "Guest" and I hope to find out who it is. Third! I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to update soon ! and if anyone has instagram add me : s_naomi1215. DONT FORGET TO REVIEW =D ! _**

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The rays of sunshine peaked through the curtains of her window, gently waking her up. As she came into conscious, she moved around quietly waking him up. She looked at him while gently stroking his cheek. "It was all real" She thought.

He smiled "This is the perfect morning". He said in a raspy morning voice.

"I never thought this will happen again. Waking up with you on my side and knowing that I get to spend the rest of my life with you makes me the luckiest guy in the world" He said as he gently kissed her neck.

"I missed you" She said whispered into his neck.

"I miss you too... More then you could ever imagine" He said gently placing a kiss on her lips.

She smiled. She was glad to know that her feelings and his feelings were the same. She spend months of hell in San Francisco trying to forget him but she could not. It made her ill even thinking to spend one day more without him.

"Not to break the mood, but what are we going to do now" She said in cheerful manner as she hugged him tightly around the waist.

"About" Jacob questioned.

"I was supposed to go to San Francisco last night for school. I have already missed so much school that I don't think I will even pass" She mentioned lightly.

"Renesmee" He said seriously as he got up leaned against the headboard.

"What do you want to do?" He asked. The last thing he wanted to do from them to spend one more day without each other. But, he realize he cannot force Renesmee into something. He had to trust Renesmee's decisions. If she wanted to go back to San Francisco and finish her school year off, he would stand there beside her. He did not want to spend another minute without her but he cannot hold her back.

"I don't want to go anymore. Its not even us being together but it never felt right being there Jacob. I am not meant to be normal and go away to college. It doesn't feel right for me" She said honestly, hoping he would support her in this. "Its weird, Jacob. I do not belong there. I do not belong in that world" She said as carefully looked in his eyes.

"Do you not want to go anymore?" Jacob asked. She thought about it and nodded her head.

"Yeah, Jake. I don't want to go there anymore" She said.

"So...we will figure it out! Together" He said reaching for her hand and both of her hand intertwined with each other. They both leaned into a long passionate kiss.

A couple of days have gone by since that conversation and they figured almost everything out. Renesmee withdrew from her classes and from the university. She is going to enroll to Fork's community college for the next semester. Sandra was kind enough to ship her all of her stuff.

She wasnt surprise that Renesmee decided to drop out of college. She knew Renesmee did not want to be there. She was glad to hear that she was able to solve things with Jacob. They promise they would keep touch.

Jacob knew that were more things they needed to figure out. Top 1 on the list is her parents. Her parents did not know about Jacob and Renesmee's reconciliation. Renesmee wanted it to keep a secret for as long as possible. Though she knew it was wrong but she every time her parents butt in to her relationship with Jacob something always ended in a fight or separation. Sadly this time was no difference.

"Jacob! I need you to be on my side! She said angrily as prepared breakfast. They just woken up and they got into a heated argument. Jacob wanted to talk to Bella and Edward as soon as possible and Renesmee did not want to talk them. Yet.

"Its not about sides ! Renesmee your parents deserve to know about us." He exclaimed.

"They do but just not yet!" She said as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

"What do you just not yet" He said. "Renesmee your parents have not a clue about all of this. You dropping out of college, about our reengagement, about us wanting to move in together, about you applying for Forks community college! Don't you think they need to know about all of this!

"Can you stop thinking about them Jacob!" She yelled. Then angrily wanting to place her cup full of orange juice in table and completely miss. The cup ended up breaking on the floor and then she reached her breaking point.

She sat on the floor and cried in frustration. She covered her face with her hands and cried. Jacob knew that is something that really bothering her for her to get so worked up and especially to cry.

He kneeled on the floor besides her and brought her into his arms. Then he whispered "Talk to me" into her ears.

She sniffled and separated herself from him a bit. "I am scared Jacob" she admitted and he just looked at her eyes searching for answers.

"jake" She paused briefly. "Jake. I want to tell everyone about us. I love you so much I want to scream it to the world" She said giving him a brief kiss in his lips.

"I love you so much that I cannot loose you again. It would hurt to much. My parents are hard headed, you know that. They are willing to fly in the first flight they find and separates us again. They did that once and I cannot risk that happening again. I just cant risk that, Jacob. Not now. Not when we have only had a few days together. You mean too much to me" Renesmee whispered the last few words.

He just hugged her tightly. "Renesmee, nothing in this world can separates us, my love. I cannot live without you. I am sorry! He said hugging her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"Its my fault, you feel this way. I should have never listened to your parents. I should have been there next to you fighting for us. I am sorry" ! He said with tear swelling up in his eyes. He felt truly horrible, for hurting her so much.

For putting Bella and Edward before his imprint. Before his reason of living. Before his everything. He knew there is something he has to do. Right now. He had to listen to his heart.

"Lets do it. Lets get married right now" He said.


End file.
